Friday, May 30, 2008

Oh, My Beautiful, Smart Child

I just called my mom to give her the status update on the cat (he's coming home but the vet was too busy to talk to me on the phone so I'll find out details later) and I chatted with her a minute.

Light of my life wanted to talk to me so my mom handed her the cell phone. Without even saying hello or I miss you or any of that, she immediately says "Can I give you some advice?"

Seriously. Just like an adult.

And what made it even better, her advice was sound and I'm actually going to take it.

Oh, man, I miss that little girl. My eyes hurt to see her, my arms ache to hold her and my heart yearns to be with her.

Still no idea when they're coming home. Hopefully soon. I know that I can handle it, but I don't like to.


Mama Dawg

Jimmy Kimmel's Unnecessary Censorship

I found this on another blog and this is hilarious. I don't watch late night TV (that's when I watch my TV shows on DVD) but I may have to start watching after this.


Flower Fun

I am a

What Flower
Are You?

"You stand up for what you believe in, even if it gets in the way of what other people think. You are proud of yourself and your accomplishments and you enjoy letting people know that."

This does not fit me at all. Weird.


Mama Dawg

Friday Foto Finish Fiesta

This is my mom. Working on a puzzle book. At Disney World.

Gotta love my mom.

This photo was brought to you courtesy of Candid Carrie for her Friday Foto Finish Fiesta.


Mama Dawg

P.S. I gotta learn how to do that thingie where when you click on a highlighted word, it takes you to the website. Anyone know how to do that and can (IN PLAIN ENGLISH, not html) tell me via the comments or my


Update: I tried that link thingie (thanks LiteralDan for the help!)

Double Take

I got a spam e-mail in my bulk folder and it caused me to do a double take. Most of them are stupid, but this one was funny at first glance.

The subject line said "Birth Control Newsletter".

My first thought was "there's a newsletter for this?"...then I realized it was for a class action lawsuit against Orthoevra.

My how my brain spins.


Mama Dawg

May's Dead Animal of the Month Is...

...the turtle.

They're everywhere!

Every time I see a shell in the road, I want to stop and check to see if he's still alive.

Because if he is, I shall take him home, give him some lettuce and call him Fred.


Mama Dawg

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Update on The Cat

Got off the phone with the vet just a few minutes ago. I had called at 2 but the lab results hadn't come in yet.

I called back at 3 and the vet said that his white blood count was elevated and his hemoglobin count was low and he was slightly dehydrated but that the levels weren't anything to be concerned about.

He still feels it's the heart throwing off blood clots but just in case it's another ear infection, he's been injecting him with Baytril and then injecting him with dexametazone (unsure of spelling) which is a steroid.

You can't really give cats blood thinners (to help with the clots) and the cost to get a sonogram at the university is $700 but the vet doesn't recommend it due to J.D.'s age (not that anything would happen to him but because he's just so old that it might only confirm what the doctor suspects and it wouldn't do any good in the long run).

He did say that he's already showing signs of improvement from this morning but that he wants to keep him one more night to continue the injections because they appear to be working.

So, I'll hopefully get to pick him up tomorrow afternoon.

Thanks for all the good wishes!


Mama Dawg

Click on This Link For Something Cool


Mama Dawg

Best Stuff EVER!!!!!

You can find this in your local Target for about $4.29. If you can't find it at a store, you can get it online at

They didn't ask me to endorse this product (believe me, I don't get enough hits to warrant endorsements). I just love this stuff.

There are other flavors, but this is the only one I've tried so far.

Good stuff.

I want to try the blueberry and nut flavored one next.


Mama Dawg

Called the Vet

Called the vet around 9 or so.

He said that he's up and walking but real wobbly.

He said to call back about 2 to see if he can come home today.

He thinks he's throwing blood clots. If so, we may be in for $45 a month medication for his heart.

Better than $1000 just for testing at the university or death.

I'll be back with an update around 2ish.


Mama Dawg

My Crappy Morning (That Started The Night Before)

Days like today are the kind that make you want to just give up.

It actually all started last night.

First of all, I needed to come into work a half hour early so I could get off a half hour early to go pick up J.D. at the vet by 5. It will take me an hour and a half to get from my work to the vets office. So, I have to leave here by 3:30.

Having said that, I needed to be out the door by 6:30 at the latest this morning. I got out the door at 6:35. Not too bad considering what happened.

I have tons and tons of things I need to do and not having light of my life at home, well, it just makes it easier for me to get them done.

Well, nothing got done last night. The house was so empty without light of my life, my mom and J.D. in the house. I actually got lonely. All I could do was wander around the empty house and mope.

Then, after I had finally made a decision to cook dinner and had sat down to eat it, Mike (my other cat) decided he was lonely too and jumped up on the side table next to the couch and spilled my iced tea all over the rug and the floor. It scared him so much, he pushed off my leg while USING HIS CLAWS and now I have a nice 7 inch scratch (looks like a zipper track) on my left thigh. It was deep enough that blood was dripping down my leg. Gross.

That was the first of several liquid situations I found myself in.

I fell asleep on the couch and woke up around 1:47 am. I noticed that my cell phone battery was getting low. I have to have my cell phone as it's my alarm clock as well. Since I had been traveling, I had my charger packed...somewhere. It took me 20 minutes, but I finally found it.

Luckily for me, Mike decided to forgive me for scaring the crap out of him (that's the way he thinks. I just know he blames ME for putting the iced tea cup there to begin with) and hopped up on the bed to sleep with me.

I got up in time to get ready. It only takes me a half hour to get ready (this includes getting breakfast and lunch ready for me).

My routine is to get up, pee and then go to the kitchen to make coffee. Well, I had forgotten that yesterday morning, after I poured myself a cup, I had taken the coffee pot and put it in the sink to wash.

I poured the water in, put in the coffee and turned it on.

Without a coffee pot to catch all the coffee.

I didn't notice this at first because when I was turning around to get breakfast ready, I noticed that Mike had peed in the kitchen near his food bag.

Oh, shit. He has never peed in the kitchen before. Because I was gone for three days, there are currently two litter boxes in the bathroom. Both of them clean. There was no reason for him to pee in the kitchen. The only thing I could think of was that he was depressed because J.D. wasn't home.

So, about that time, I heard a dripping and looked up and discovered the coffee dripping off the microwave (the coffee machine stays on top of the microwave, I have a really tiny kitchen).

Double shit.

So, I clean the coffee mess first and get a new pot started (with the coffee pot in place, this time).

Then, I stepped in the cat pee. Luckily for me, I recognized this and instead of stepping back and tracking pee all over the kitchen, I just took my shoe off and left it there.

I had to get a trash bag and set the cat food bag inside of it so I could scoop out all the food. The cat food bag is layered with several layers of wax lining, so the pee had not penetrated the interior of the bag. In fact, it hadn't even penetrated the exterior portion of the bag, so it had to be pretty fresh.

So, I'm on my hands and knees smelling like coffee and cat pee while in my nightgown and with only one shoe on.

I get all that cleaned up and thrown out in the trash and get ready for work. I have to take a quick shower just to smell normal. By this time, I only had 10 minutes to shower, get dressed, get my coffee in my to go mug, get my lunch and scrounge up some money for my breakfast since I clearly had no time to get any ready before leaving.

I actually got it all done.

Major miracle.


....triple shit....

....I get ready to leave. I have my coffee in my to go mug and set it down on a table to get my keys to lock up and my cup goes flying off the table by the door and lands on the floor. Coffee spills EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

I am so tempted at this point to just yell "Fuck it" and go on to work.

Well, I did yell "Fuck it" but I didn't leave. I was a good little cleaner upper and cleaned up the coffee spill.

That's what put me 5 minutes behind.

Luckily, I got to work with three minutes to spare.

I swear, the gods were against me this morning.

I sincerely hope that the reason they did all this to me was because they wanted me to get on the road a few minutes later to avoid some sort of catastrophe.

At least, that's what I'm gonna believe.

Otherwise, I might just have to go home and have a good long cry.


Mama Dawg

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Olfactory Overload

When I was walking in a stairwell/hallway here at work, the hall smelled like orange Kool-Aid. Remember that stuff? Can we say sugar high? Anyway, it reminded me of the daycare I went to as a kid.

Coming back from said hallway, I almost bumped into a lady that smelled like Disney World. It was her perfume, I'm sure, but as soon as I smelled it, I immediately thought of Disney World.

On the way from the vets office to work, I stopped by a Subway to get a sandwich for lunch. I got a meatball sandwich and decided to eat it in the car instead of at work. As soon as I unwrapped it, the smell, wafting through my car, brought me back to my late teens early 20's living in Florida. I used to get meatball subs all the time from Subway and almost always ate them in my car on the way to school or work.

Funny how the nose retains these memories, isn't it?


Mama Dawg

My Morning

When I got home last night, I noticed that J.D., my cat, was just laying in the kitchen on the floor near his food bowl. This is very unusual. After bringing in the stuff from the car, I went back to check on him and he was still there but decided to get up. Y'all, he stumbled. Like a drunk.

I knew this wasn't good. It wasn't like back in December when he was walking crooked. This time, he couldn't stand up. At all. He was having to drag himself all over the house. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen.

I decided to go to work late and take him to the vet first thing this morning. I decided to sleep on the couch last night with him on me. That way, if he needed to get off the couch, he would have a shorter fall (if I wasn't awake to help him off). The only reason I did this was because he's a stubborn cat and he would have wanted to sleep with me in my very high up bed and I couldn't have him falling off the bed and breaking something during the night.

After a restless sleep, we got up. I watched him drag himself into the kitchen for food. He wouldn't let me help him (kept growling at me when I got too close). After he ate, he tried to come back out. I went over to help him again and this time he didn't growl. I picked him up and took him to the litter box (thinking it was time for him to go). Y'all, he couldn't even stand up to use the box. He just laid down and did his business. That scared me as much as the not walking thing.

The vet finally opened at 8 and I got him there around 8:30.

The vet seems to think it might be a clot that traveled from his heart to his legs. He has a bad heart (just discovered in December) but the vet isn't sure. Last time, the problem was an ear infection but because he didn't have the exact same symptoms, the vet wanted to keep him overnight for observation and to give him some injections. He responds to pain in his legs (the vet pinched his toes with some sort of evil looking contraption) and likes to have them rubbed. The vet also said that the pulse in his left leg was weaker than the one in his right leg but not so bad that he was overly concerned.

I adopted this cat when he was already an adult and no one knows his exact age. He could be as young as 12 but the vet thinks he might be as old at 16.

I'll tell y'all his adoption story at some other time.

My heart is hurting right now. I'm so afraid that when I call the vet in the morning, he's gonna tell me some bad news. My eyes hurt so bad from crying.

Here's some pics of my baby, J.D. (stands for James all time favorite movie star but his old vet says it stands for Jack Daniels, lol!).

All wrapped up.

Being lazy on his new favorite thing, his pillow near the heater.

This is my urban panther, Mike. He's the biggest scaredy cat on the face of the Earth. He weighs in at a whopping 18 lbs (but he looks bigger). I got him about 4 months after I got J.D.


Mama Dawg

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Delicate Question

I have a...uh...friend that needs to dispose of a certain battery operated "boyfriend".

How does one go about this?

Wrap it up in newspapers and dispose of it with the regular trash (which may include items with your name and address on it)?

Are there any environmental issues with the disposal? You know, like pesticides, batteries and tires?

Is there a recycling center? (ewww......gross).

Ideas? Suggestions? Advice?


Mama Dawg

My Weekend

We had to go back to New Orleans so I could drop light of my life off with mom who's staying for at least another week to take care of K. Light of my life is out of school and she would have more fun staying with mom in New Orleans than she would here with my aunt and grandmother.

We mostly shopped and spent time together. I went to eat sushi with R on Saturday night and saw a movie with her and V. We saw "What Happens In Vegas" and it was surprisingly good.

On Sunday, T, her daughter Z and light of my life and myself decided to go to the Greek Fest. We ended up meeting up with K, my mom and V and saw R and her crew there as well.

We even ran into light of my life's old daycare teacher and her daughter. We've known them for about 7 years.

It was cool.

Anyway, here's pics from Greek Fest.

On the way to the Fest.

Here's a pic of the fest from the sidewalk. That's Bayou St. John.

Here's the sign showing the announcement of the fest.

Here's T, Z and light of my life. The food was so good. I love me some stuffed grape leaves.

Here's light of my life climbing the big kids rock wall. She ROCKS!!!!

She's not that brave of a kid and it takes a lot for her to try something like this. But it was her idea. I didn't think she'd make it this high, but she did. I'm so proud.

We also ended up going out on a canoe with the two girls. Let me say one thing...never again!

I love to canoe, but I'm used to doing it when there's some movement on the water. It's harder to do it when the water was as still as the bayou.

At one point, we were getting ready to hit a rock on the bank (when I say hit, I really mean lightly bump!) and the girls (who had watched Titanic the night before, I might add) were yelling "We've hit an iceburg!!"

After laughing my ass off, we got turned around and headed back. When heading back, we got turned sideways and some ladies in another canoe were laughing (gently and not in a making fun of way). They started laughing even harder when they heard me yelling at the girls (who were freaking out at turning backwards) "This is not the Titanic, it's a canoe. You're not gonna die like Jack!".

Good times.

Hope you're Memorial Day Weekend was good.

Off to eat lunch.


Mama Dawg

Monday, May 26, 2008

Guess What I Found In The Shower One Morning?

A Shriner baby!

Lucky me!


Mama Dawg

Sunday, May 25, 2008


When light of my life was at her awards ceremony on Friday, my aunt was the one who went to take pics and to be her "cheerleader". My aunt lived in this same small town we live in when she was growing up (this is where my mom's family is from). Anyway, she didn't realize that a girl she went to school with was one of the second grade teachers. Light of my life saw my aunt talking to her and asked her later if she knew her. My aunt said, "Yes" and my oh so clever daughter then said "Let me guess, we're kin to her." My aunt laughed out loud.

It seems that almost everyone that my daughter and I meet, we're related to in some way. I told you it's a real small town!


I really need a voice recorder to keep with me when I come up with blog ideas. It gets really hard to write down my ideas when driving 60 mph on a country road.


No matter how inconsequential or ridiculous the message, I ALWAYS save light of my life's voice mails on my cell phones.


DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT pick up a carton of Bright and Early and shake it without pinching shut the carton. For some reason, Bright and Early still has those fold up tops (instead of the new fangled twist tops that OJ comes with now). Don't ask me how I know not to shake wasn't pretty.


I really, really, really do not miss living in New Orleans.


Mama Dawg

Friday, May 23, 2008

Friday Funny

Something New

Since I've been getting new traffic to my site via other sites I read, I thought I'd try to check them all out.

However it's a LOT of sites to try to read at work and I don't have time to read more than a post or two.

I like to give each site the proper attention it deserves by going back to the beginning of the blog and starting from there.

I've decided that what I'm gonna do is: every time I find a blog that looks even remotely interesting to me, I'm gonna add it to my "New Reads" blogroll.

Each week, I'm gonna pick on blog to start from the beginning. If it appears to be a blog that I will read daily, I'm gonna add it to my "Daily Reads" list. If it's one that I'm just gonna check occasionally, I'm gonna add it to a new list called "Occasional Reads" list. Those that I don't like at all, I'm just gonna delete.

However, if I thought enough to add your blog to my list of "New Reads", chances are, I'm not gonna delete you.

I'd like to get back in the habit of writing about one of the blogs on my list once a week.

I feel that this way, people who read my blog will give their blog a read as well and maybe Karma will be nice and it will also drive some traffic to my blog. It's a win/win for everyone!

I'm not gonna be critical, I promise. I'm just mostly gonna post what I like about your blog and leave it at that.

I tell you, I'm enjoying the hell out of this whole blogging thing.



Mama Dawg

P. S. If you've left a comment here before and I haven't added you to either list, leave a comment for me here and I'll add you to the "New Reads" list to check yours out. I don't want to leave anyone out that's been supporting my blog by taking time out of their day to read it.

Friday's Foto Finish Fiesta

Here's another of my fav pics. This was taken at her first (and only, so far) snow. I love the peek-a-boo aspect of this.

This is part of Carrie's Foto Fiesta.

You can check her out at


Mama Dawg

My Wunderkid

My daughter's last day of school is today. They had an awards ceremony this morning and I really wanted to go but couldn't due to vacation days, work, blah, blah, blah.....I really, really, really wanted to go.

I got my aunt to go in my place to take photos and so she would have someone there.

I knew she was receiving an award because her teacher sent home a little piece of paper telling me.

However, I didn't know she would be receiving 6 AWARDS!!!!!!!

She received a certificate award for Highest Math (all this is for her class), Highest Reading, P.E. award and for Academic Excellence.

She received a medal for Honor Roll and for Principal's Honor Roll!!!!

Whooooo Hooooo!!!!!!

I am sooooo incredibly proud of her. She worked hard and deserved all of these awards.

Man, I just wanna get up and dance and yell and throw my hands in the air! I'm so proud!


Mama Dawg

Sweet Mary Mother of God

Somebody sprayed some sort of strawberry body splash or something. (like all the s's?).

Gag me....cough, cough, cough.......gag.



Mama Dawg

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Simple Things

After Hurricane Katrina, I had an epiphany of sorts (you like that? I used a big word...L, don't be mad).

I was always someone who really didn't care what people thought of me but at the same time, I took care not to do anything that embarrassed me or light of my life too much. I know that's a contradiction but it's more like I didn't care what people thought of me as a whole but I did get embarrassed if I made a huge faux pas or tripped and fell or something like that.

Anyway, after Katrina, I took it up a notch.

I decided to start letting myself enjoy the simple things in life. I've always enjoyed the simple things in life but I "realized" this about myself and due to this enlightenment, it increased my enjoyment tenfold.


Because my mom's down in New Orleans, light of my life is having to ride the bus to my grandmother's house in the afternoon and she's being looked after by my other aunt who's up for a visit.

I'm to call them when I'm about 15 minutes or so away from home and she'll meet me at the house with my daughter in tow on their way to taking my grandmother to walk at a local walking track.

Well, I called yesterday and my aunt said that they weren't ready yet and that she would just bring her home when they were done doing whatever it was they were doing.

I said, OK, and hung up.

I got home and was at a loss for what to do. I knew I needed to get dinner started, but since it just consisted of thawing some tilipia fillets and then putting them in the fridge to marinate in a lime cilantro sauce, that wouldn't fill up my time.

The house was also awfully quiet without light of my life and my mom there.

So, I poured myself a glass of red zin, grabbed my book (World Without End by Ken Follet for those of you who what to know....wonderful, wonderful sequel to The Pillars of the Earth), and went out on the front porch to sit in my swing and read.

The weather was gorgeous and there was a slight breeze.

This was nice....however, it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. I wasn't completely satisfied by this. I wanted something more.

I stared out at my yard and saw the wild rose bush. I got some clippers and a glove and went and cut some flowers to put in a small vase to brighten up the house.

As I came back towards the house, I decided to sit down in the grass on the small hill to pick the thorns off the roses.

As soon as I sat down in the grass, I knew what I needed.

I needed to lay the grass...and watch the clouds.

So.....that's what I did.

What it did for my soul, I can never describe. That reconnection with the outdoors did more for my soul and psyche in 15 minutes than anything has ever done before.

To just sit there without any external distractions (iPod, TV, books, refreshments, etc...) and stare up at the sky and listen to the buzzing of the bees in the trees and the smell of fresh cut grass and the feel of a few small bugs (nothing that bites) crawling on me occasionally, it was heaven.

I live right off the highway so cars were going by and I'm sure that they thought I was crazy (I live in a very small town....2000 people or so, so I'm sure that word will get around about the crazy lady that lays in the yard).

With all the hectic things that go on in our everyday lives, it's nice to be able to stop every once in a while and lay in the grass looking up at the clouds.

Anybody else have any simple things that they use to relax or get enjoyment out of?

Let me know.


Mama Dawg

Pour Some Sugar On Me

What is it about this song that just makes me want to get up out of my seat, put up the rock 'n' roll sign with both hands and start head bangin'?

I don't know if it's cool or sad that I still know every word to this song.

That and Bon Jovi's "Wanted: Dead or Alive".


Mama Dawg


....I got nothing.

Really, I'm drawing blank. I'm still working on the blog about my weekend in Lake Martin.

I'm going back to New Orleans this weekend. Mom's still there taking care of K and the kids. She's gonna stay through next weekend as well. Light of my life will stay with her next week since she's out of school as of tomorrow. That way, she won't have to stay with my grandmother and aunt (not that they wouldn't take care of her for me during the day, it's just better all around if she doesn't stay for that long) and she'll get to see her friend, Z, some while she's there next week.

Plus, I get to see R. I haven't seen her since Mardi Gras and with K's emergency, I didn't get to see her this last trip, either.

I get to eat sushi this time.

I get to eat Thai this time.

I get to eat Mona's (best Middle Eastern restaurant EVER!) this time.

I get to go see the new Narnia movie and the new Indy movie (I love me some Harrison Ford, he's like Paul Newman to me....never gets too old. Well, Paul Newman is too old now, but for a while he wasn't).

Hey, I got an idea for a blot post. I'll end this one and start the new one.


Mama Dawg

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Yet Another Bathroom Experience

What is it with me and bathrooms lately?

I just went to the bathroom here at work. There's one single stall private bathroom but it was occupied. I had to use the one that patients and visitors use here near the financial office. Inside the bathroom, there's two stalls and one of them is handicapped.

I, of course, not being an ass, use the non-handicapped one.

I'm sitting there on the potty doing my business when I hear the main door open. I don't think anything of it until this tiny pair of Crocs stop in front of my closed door. I hear the door rattle and then...HORROR OF HORRORS...two little hands touch the floor and I see the beginning of the ends of hair.

She was about to look under my stall door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While I was peeing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A strange little girl was about to see me pee.

I quickly hollered out, "Someone's in here sweetie". Before I could see her little eyes peering at me, she bounced up and went into the stall next to mine (the handicapped stall). I finish up and the ATF (automatic toilet flushing piece of shit) goes off before I'm halfway up off the pot and my ass (as usual) gets splashed (thankfully it happens after it's flushed down whatever was in the pot so it's at least clean water).

I unlock my door and exit the stall. I swear, it's like she was waiting for me to exit the stall. As soon as she heard my lock click, she came barreling out of her stall and said (with a lisp) "I can't use this one".

I just stared at her and went to the sink to wash my hands. I hear her ask me "Watcha doin?" and I turn around and she's right up on me! I mean, her little face is about 6 inches from my butt (that's how "tall" she was). I almost stumbled on her! I explained I was washing my hands and she said, "Oh" and went back to the stall.

I finished washing and drying my hands and left.



Mama Dawg

Disney Tip of the Week

Sorry I missed last week. I've had so many things to blog about that I failed to get this one out last week.

Anyway, here's your tip of the week.

Stay on property.

There are several reasons for this and the main one (for us, that is) is the Extra Magic Hours. For certain parks, on certain days, you can get in the parks an hour earlier than everyone else and at night, you can stay up to 3 hours after the park closes to the general public.


That and the Disney transportation. I hear complaints about the transportation sometimes but we've never had a problem. The longest we had to wait one time was 30 minutes and that was because it was after Spectromagic and Wishes at the Magic Kingdom. Our wait is anywhere from 5-20 minutes but it's worth not having to drive, park, take a tram or walk to the entrance.

If you stay at the Pop Century value resort, you have a bus all to yourself as opposed to the All -Stars resorts where you may have to share a bus with all three All-Stars. This can get crowded.

I have no experience with the moderate and deluxe resorts so I can't help you there.


Mama Dawg

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Snagged This From Jared

(You have to put your ipod on shuffle and go in order and add the name of each song you come to, for an answer to each question)

What is your name? Or what should your name be? Crazy- Britney Spears

How is your life going? We’re All in This Together-High School Musical

What is your nickname? I Just Can’t Wait to be King-The Lion King

What is your theme song? Man Eater-Nelly Furtado

What is your best friend's theme song? Uptown Girl-Billy Joel

How is your life going to turn out? Bitch-Meredith Brooks

Will you get married? No Place Like London-Sweeney Todd

Will you have kids? Getting Jiggy With It-Will Smith

What will your job be? You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile-Annie

Did you/will you finish school? Wake Up Call-Maroon 5

Who is your best friend? Candy-Mandy Moore (too funny since this is my aunt’s name!)

Who is or will be your significant other? My Cherie Amour-Stevie Wonder

Who do you like? Shake-Pitbull

How will you die? Beauty and the Beast-Beauty and the Beast

How do you feel right now? Mambo-Frank Sinatra

What is your favorite song? I Won’t Say I’m In Love-Hercules

How could you describe your parents? Tootsie Roll-69 Boys

Your best friend[s]? Tomorrow-Annie

Your teachers? This One’s For the Girls-Martina McBride

Your significant other [or crush...]? My Friends-Sweeney Todd

Yourself? Woman-Maroon 5

What is your best feature? Concrete Angel-Martina McBride

What will you be / should you be, profession-wise? Me Love-Sean Kingston

How could you describe this survey? The Kill-30 Seconds to Mars

What makes you angry? Move Ya Body-Nina Sky

What makes you sad? Makes Me Wonder-Maroon 5

What makes you happy? Jessie’s Girl-Rick Springfield

What makes you dance? Isn’t She Lovely-Stevie Wonder

What is your favorite color? Clumsy-Fergie

How would you describe yourself? Back That Ass Up-Juvenile

Who is your worst enemy? Part of Your World-The Little Mermaid

Who do you hate? When She Smiles-Matchbox 20

Who do you love? Don’t Stop Believing-Journey

Who do you lust after? Kryptonite-3 Doors Down

Finish the Sentence

I wish….Mister Cellophane-Chicago

I want to….One Singular Sensation-A Chorus Line

I want to kill….Say Goodbye-Chris Brown

I want to eat….Too Little Too Late-JoJo

My head….Walk It Out-DJ Unk

I am….The Sweet Escape-Gwen Stefani

My best feature is….My Boo-Usher and Alicia Keys

My eyes are….It’s A Hard Knock Life-Annie

My hair is….The Phantom of the Opera-The Phantom of the Opera

My face is….Dancing Cheek to Cheek-Frank Sinatra

You should….Xanadu-Olivia Newton John

RandomWords of advice….Won’t Go Home Without You-Maroon 5

How do others see me?….Party Like a Rockstar-Shop Boyz

How do I see myself?…. This Is How A Heart Breaks-Rob Thomas


I've been reading on some past comments and I realized that I may have made things sound bad about my life with my daughter.

Yes, we were dealt some shitty cards when it came to her father, but....and this is a big but....

we have a happy life. A very happy life with just the two of us. She is not lacking for attention, food, a roof over her head, discipline, encouragement, love, etc....

She is truly a remarkable kid. Straight A's, in the gifted and talented program, a big reader, empathetic, sympathetic, talented, beautiful, smart, kind, funny, silly, etc...

For a positive male influence in her life, she has her uncle, our neighbor L (he's a wonderful father and treats light of my life like one of his own) and K's son, C who also loves her to pieces. Living across the highway from B & L and their kids shows light of my life that there are different kinds of families out there in the world and does a lot to show her that not all marriages are bad and that not all daddies leave. For that, I'm grateful.

Anyway, thanks to all those who feel for us and our situation, but to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm selfish and want to have her all to myself!


Mama Dawg

Overheard at Work

"Y'all, I'm about ready to choke a chicken"

Ummm.....isn't that a phrase for masturbation?

Really, here at work?



Mama Dawg

Six Hundred Million Tags

Actually, it's just two. I've read like 6 million of them.

This one is from LiteralDan

What were you doing five years ago?

Raising a 3 year old by myself and living in New Orleans. Starting the planning for her trip to Disney when she turned 5 (yes, I started planning 2 years in advance, even after having worked there and knew what it was all about).

What are/were five things on your to-do list for today?

1. Go to work (yes, unfortunately, I'm here)
2. Go home.
3. Work on my stuff for the festival in 2 weeks.
4. Unpack from my weekend.
5. Go go bed early.

What five snacks do you enjoy?

1. any kind of sushi (except octopus and squid)
2. granola
3. fruit
4. black bean salad
5. hummus

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Build an eco-friendly house
2. Take care of my family & friends in any way they need it
3. get an eco-friendly car
4. build and maintain a no-kill animal shelter
5. give to various charities

What are five of your bad habits? (what are those?)
1. I procrastinate.
2. I spend too much money
3. I don't talk enough (or too much depending on the person I'm talking/not talking to)
4. I spend too much time on the computer at work
5. I'm bad about making plans I can't/don't intend to keep

What are five places you have lived?
1. Jackson, MS
2. Lake Mary, FL
3. Orlando, FL
4. Kenner, LA
5. New Orleans, LA

What are five jobs you have had?
1. Baby-sitter
2. Seating Hostess at Tony's Town Square Restaurant in the Magic Kingdom at Disney World
3. Customer service rep at an insurance company
4. Claim analyst at an insurance company
5. Claim representative at an insurance company

What five people do you want to tag?

I'm done tagging. I get lost on who's been tagged for what and I don't want to piss off The Internets people.

This one is from Scargosun.

What is your name: Emily
4 letter word: eggs
Vehicle: Escalade
City: Edinburgh
Boy's Name: Evan
Girl's Name: Elizabeth
Drink: yeah, I'm out on this one.
Occupation: Executioner
Something you wear: emotions on your sleeve
Celebrity: Eric Bana
Food: Elephant Ears
Something found in a bathroom: ewwwww
Reason for Being Late: elevator was broken
Cartoon Character: Esmerelda (from Hunchback of Notre Dame)
Something you shout: Eeekkkk (when I see a roach)
Animal: Ermine
Body part: Ear
Word to describe you: easy (to amuse, get your heads out of the gutter)


Mama Dawg

I'm Back

Bet you didn't even know I was gone.

I went to New Orleans for the weekend. My friend's son, C, was graduating from college and her daughter, V, was starring in her high school play of Chicago. She was Roxie Hart.

Guys, I have seen many a high school play in my life and I have to tell you this, this was hands down, the best high school play I've EVER seen.

They did such a phenomenal job. The choreography was spot on, the girls of the "Cell Block Tango" were OUTSTANDING, the performance of Billy Flynn and Roxie for the number of "We Both Reached For the Gun"...I don't even have words. With the exception of Rene Zelleweger and Richard Gere, I haven't ever seen anything like it.

I knew V was talented, but she totally blew me out of the water with her performance. I seriously think she needs to try to do some stage work somewhere. She'll be attending (hopefully) Loyola when she graduates (she has one more year of high school).

It was such a bold move for them to do Chicago but they, without a doubt, pulled it off.

C graduated from Southeastern and I am so proud of him. I've known him since he was 14 and to see how much he's grown and how far he's gone, it's amazing.

We had his graduation/birthday party on Sunday. It was a crawfish boil and we had a blast. It was so nice getting to see everyone again and visiting.

K's sister is the one who recently passed away so it made for a bittersweet party.

I had the day off yesterday and I let light of my life skip school (it's her last week) so we could stay for an extra day. We went shopping yesterday, (oh, Target, how I miss you so) and well, all hell broke loose.

K had to go to the ER due to complications from her diabetes. They ended up admitting her and she's still in the hospital today.

Mom decided to stay behind in New Orleans to take care of her while she recuperates and to help with V since she's still in school and C works a lot.

Light of my life and I came back by ourselves last night. We didn't get back home until well after midnight so I'm exhausted today.

This is a bigger situation than I'm comfortable going into here on The Internets, so that's all I'm gonna say for now.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers and good wishes and good vibes or whatever it is you do to send good energy out to the universe. She needs it.


Mama Dawg

Saturday, May 17, 2008


Here's my hair when it was longer than it is now. It was actually about 5 inches longer than this when I finally cut it.

Here's my hair cut. Excuse the horrible picture. I had to take it myself w/out using a timer or a tripod.

I know a lot of people like longer hair on women, but, I'm too lazy to keep up with long hair. I like being able to wet it down, put a smidge of gel in it and run out the door.

So much easier.

Since my public asked, I delivered.


Mama Dawg

Friday, May 16, 2008

Overheard at Work

Swear to God.

"Girl, the lunch isn't in the morgue, it's in the garage."


Mama Dawg

Friday Foto Finish

This is one of my favorite candid shots of light of my life. She's at my grandmother's house and was showing me how she can look like a monkey.

I think she nailed it!


Mama Dawg

P.S. this is the website I got the Friday Foto Finish challange from. Check it out and add your own photo to your own site!

Gotta Get Serious For A Second

For those of you who don't know what part of the country I currently live in, I'm in the Deep South.

So that might explain the following story my grandmother told me yesterday.

She said that on election days, she gets recorded phone calls from candidates wanting her vote. Typical. Most people get these.

However, she got a really strange RECORDED call. Not a live call, but a RECORDED one.

She said when she picked up the phone, it was a recording saying it was the Klu Klux Klan calling. She didn't even wait for it to finish before she slammed down the phone.

Do they even still exist? Am I that naive to believe that I thought they had disappeared? I know that there are underground groups everywhere for atrocious groups that really ought to be obsolete but to cold call someone for whatever reason? Really?

I've lived in the Deep South for most of my life and this is the first I've heard of it. My grandmother has lived here ALL her life and this is the first time it's happened to her.

I'm hoping that she misunderstood, but if not....this worries me.

What do y'all think? Anyone else ever heard of this happening?


Mama Dawg

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Jared's Thingie

Yeah, you went there, you know it.

I got this from Jared's blog and he thought it would be fun to make all of us (his loyal readers) copy/paste and post on our own blogs.

It's from the game "Would you rather"....

Would you rather:
Eat a can of cat food -or- eat 7 whole lemons (seeds, pulp, juice, and rind)?
Eat a can of cat food (with a splash of Tabasco).

Have one child who is totally out of control -or- 9 children who are well behaved angels? If I had the money, 9 well-behaved kids.

Have an attractive spouse with a hideously annoying laugh -or- an attractive spouse who is a really bad dresser?
Really bad dresser. I can dress him if it's really horrible.

Without ever being able to wash them, be forced to forever use the same bath towel -or- sleep in the same sheets?
Sleep in the same sheets.

Publicly mud wrestle your spouse -or- a stranger?
Stranger, providing it was one of the opposite sex. That way I can cop a feel.

Wake up one day and not recognize your friends and family -or- wake up one day and have them not recognize you? Have them not recognize me. I can have them get to know me all over again.

Have very, very smelly underarm sweat -or- non-odorous underarm sweat that nonetheless causes terrible stains on all your clothes?
Non-odorous sweat. I can change clothes.

Have one thick, furry eyebrow across your entire forehead -or- an inordinate amount of ear and nose hair that cannot be removed?

Have all your friends be smarter than you -or- have all your friends be much better looking than you?
Better looking.

As a 25 year old, forget your entire childhood up to age 15 -or- lose your memory of the last 5 years?
If it wasn't for my daughter, I'd say the last 5 years, but since she's in my life, I have to say my childhood.

As a groom, forget the ring -or- be one hour late for your wedding?
Neither, I'm not a groom.

Be offensive -or- incredibly passive?
incredibly passive (it pisses people off just as much but doesn't exert as much energy!)

Share your home with 6 90 year old men and 6 90 year old women -or- 2 ostriches?
Ostriches. I think they're cool.

Get free gas for your car or the next 5 years -or- be exempt from speeding tickets for the rest of your life?
Free gas.

Have the power to read minds -or- the power to make anyone fall in love with you? Read minds, but only ones I want to read, not everyone at the same time

Spend every minute for the rest of your life indoors -or- outdoors?
Outdoors, hands down.

Hang upside down suspended from the Eiffel Tower by a nylon cord -or- be strapped to the wing of a flying airplane with only duct tape?
Eiffel Tower

Be 6 feet tall and ugly -or- 3 feet tall and beautiful?
3 feet tall and beautiful.

Be stranded on an island for 2 years with 20 friends -or- with a group of 20 famous people of your choosing?
Friends, hands down.

Be stuck in a warm, dark place -or- a cold, light place?
cold, light place.

Have a photo place always lose your photos -or- have the airlines always lose your luggage?

OMG!!! Too Funny!

I was just surfing the 'net (does anyone even say that anymore?) when I stumbled across this:

and it totally reminded me of the time I was in Key West on Big Pine Key at some sort of Marine Research Institute or Facility or some sort of fancy name like that. We were on a field trip for 8th grade.

Anyway, one of the activities that we could partake in was to swim with sharks. So freakin' cool, right?

Well, it would have been...had the water not been completely muddy brown. To the point where you could not see your hands underwater even when they were 3 inches below the surface.

I braved it anyway and got in. 30 seconds later, I jumped straight out of the water and practically walked across the top of the "lake" to the ladder.

All because something brushed my leg.

I imagine this is what my face looked like.

I almost farted I was laughing so hard when I saw this picture. Even now, I'm still silently laughing.


Mama Dawg

April's Dead Animal For The Month Was...


I swear, we have more than Texas, it seems.

At least more dead ones.

Well, probably not, but it seems like it.

Wonder what this month will be?


Mama Dawg

For Minivan Mom

Minivan Mom asked me the following questions:

1. Would you ever get married again?

2. Does light of your life ask about her father?

I'll tackle the second one first since it's a bit easier to explain.

Light of my life is aware of the circumstances of her coming into the world. Well, I actually have told her that her daddy and I fell out of love and he moved away and that I don't really know why he doesn't call or come to see her or anything. She's only asked a couple of times if he loves her and I always draw a blank and say something potentially damaging like "I'm sure he does" and then try to change the subject.

For the record, I DO NOT say anything bad about him in front of her or within her hearing. My mom did the same for me and when I was about 16, I finally saw my dad for who he really was. By her not influencing me in any direction, I was able to observe and make an opinion of my own about my father. This is something I believe light of my life needs to do as well. Unfortunately, she's 8. It'll be a while.

But does she ask about him? A couple of times a year. And not really asking, more like making a statement or asking a specific pointed question about him. Like, where does he live, what does he look like again, etc....? This usually occurs after she's gotten a bee in her bonnet about wanting to hear about her birth story. Kids love to hear about them when they were babies and how they came to be on this earth, etc....

Now for question number 1.

I don't know if I can answer the question as it's written. Would I ever get married again? I don't know. Since I can't see into the future, I can't say for certain that I won't.

However, my feelings at this very moment in time are..."NO". I was going to say HELL NO, but felt it was too harsh and gave the wrong impression.

I've been divorced for 7 years. In that 7 years, I've dated one person exclusively but it ultimately didn't work out (for a variety of reasons and for the best) and it was only for a few months.

I've gone on a couple of dates, but really, the whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

When I was in high school, I had tons of boyfriends. I never lasted more than 2 weeks with them for one of two reasons: 1. I got bored or 2. They got too serious too fast. Yes, I said, THEY. I never got serious.

Well, except for Jon and my ex-husband. Other than those two, I never had a serious relationship.

I don't like the idea of commitment. Being with one person the rest of your life.

Wait, I take that back. It's not so much the idea of being with one person the rest of your life, it's more like NOT being alone the rest of your life.

With the exception of my daughter, I can not imagine living with someone again. I don't like having to pick up after someone or discussing with them what to have for dinner or what movie to watch or what color to paint the living room wall or how to landscape the yard. I like making all those decisions for myself. I'm selfish that way. I recognize it and accept it about myself. I don't share or compromise all that well.

I don't like having to make a decision with someone about anything. Again, this is with the exception of my daughter. I do value her opinion on any decisions I make that affect her but beyond her, I don't want to do that again.

I feel I have a full enough life without having a man in my life. I think adding a man to the equation at this point would do more to disrupt my life than enhance it.

I'm not too keen on dating either. I hated dating when I was young enough and pretty enough and didn't have a kid.

Dating as a divorced single mother doesn't exactly draw the cream of the crop if you know what I mean.

I don't like to put myself out there. Not so much due to rejection but more like it's so much more complicated. I'm lazy. I know it. I recognize and accept that of myself (don't let anyone ever tell you I don't know my faults).

Before having a a kid, I only had to worry about rapists, serial killers and my own heart being broken. Now I have to worry about rapists, serial killers, alcoholics, drug users, pedophiles, non-committal father figures and my daughters heart being broken.

I have to put my daughter in the equation and have to take into account her feelings and thoughts and opinions. I can't date a guy really without it having an end result like marriage or adopting my kid. Because it wouldn't be fair to her to have men traipse in and out of our lives. And really, right now, it's all about her.

Which is the reason why I can't say that I wouldn't ever get married again. Cause I could and I might, but it will not be until after light of my life is grown and has her own life. I'm not willing to risk her happiness and well being for mine at this point. Not that my own is at risk since I don't want to get married again right now.

Does that answer your questions?

Any more?

I'm open to anything.

Sorry for the rambling.


Mama Dawg

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

For Jared

In a previous post, Jared asked me to blog about my memoir title.

The title was "Telling Ex I Was Pregnant...Stupid"

There is a story behind this.

I'll try not to drag it out too much.

I met my ex when I was 21 in a bar in New Orleans. He was a Marine. 'Nuff said.

Oh, you want more?

We met, fell in lust, made a baby, got married, got divorced.

That's the short story.

Oh, you still want more?

We met and discovered we really, really digged each other. I actually had been hooking up with his roommate that night...well, I was really hooking up with both of them, but when it came time to give up the old phone number, I chose my ex. He kissed better.

We got to talking and fell into a relationship. I thought I loved him but in retrospect, I didn't. Not really. I did have strong feelings for him.

We weren't the most careful when it came to sex and well, you can guess what happened next. We met on Mother's Day and I discovered I was pregnant by July.

I had missed my period at least once and I am like clockwork when it comes to stuff like that.

I went to the doctor (who stupidly asked me why I needed a pregnancy test...ummm...because I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant?) who confirmed via phone (actually his nurse) a few days later, that yes, indeed, I was pregnant.

After the initial "Oh, shit" moment, I called my ex and told him over the phone. We knew it was a possibility and he was pretty cool about the whole thing.

Telling my mom was a whole different story and I don't have enough time to go into that whole debacle.

We had the big discussion on marriage vs waiting. I knew I was going to keep the baby (abortion wasn't an option, not because I'm against it, but because I wanted to keep the baby) but I wasn't sure about keeping the ex.

My parents are divorced and I wasn't 100% on board with marriage as an institution. Due to the hormonal flow and criticism from outsiders, I "fell" for his line of taking a leap of faith and trusting that marriage and kids was what he really wanted.

We got married in the courthouse when I was 5 months pregnant. I remember the day of my wedding, I wanted to back out. It took 20 minutes of convincing before I gave in...again.

We got married and about 2 months later, he drove his car into a canal while drunk. His car was totaled and he was upside down on his loan. So, he was now dependent on me to get him to work, stores, etc....

About a month after that, I discovered he was e-mailing and "talking" to his ex from high school.

About 2 months after that (the month I was due), I found out he was talking to his most recent ex who was still in HIGH SCHOOL!!!!

After I gave birth to our beautiful baby, he decided to spend his 10 days of paternity leave FIXING A F**KING COMPUTER instead of helping me with a newborn.

About 5 weeks after I gave birth, we had a discussion about our marriage and he didn't want to work on it. I was going to allow him to stay in the house until he could find a place to live. Until that weekend when he decided to spend the WHOLE night out with his EX that was still in HIGH SCHOOL!

Yeah, kicked his ass out pretty quick.

Anway, we proceeded with the divorce. He kept fighting for custody and making me pay more and more money to my attorney to respond to his "requests" while he had a free attorney provided by the military. He couldn't even bother to show up for our divorce and custody hearing. He had gotten out of the Marines about a month before the hearing and his OWN attorney couldn't even find him. His attorney was asking MY attorney where HIS client was!

My daughter has never met her father. The last time he had any contact with her was when she was 6 months old. No card, presents, phone calls, visits, etc....since then.

Not even after Hurricane Katrina. Which we went through (a WHOLE other story).

So, now you know why I named my memoir what I did.

All that heartache and trouble and money could have been saved if I would only have lied and told him that I wasn't pregnant and broken up with him shortly after.

That's it in a nutshell.

Any questions?


Mama Dawg

Quickie Poll

I'm trying to find a good name for my post about the weekend in Lake Martin. This is only open until Friday. Please make your choice and I promise I'll abide by it.

I know they're totally random, but believe me, they are all relevant.

Pinkie swear.



Mama Dawg

Ha, Ha! Very Funny...Ya Bastards!

Well, I hope the entire hospital enjoyed the underwear covered ass show I performed today.

Apparently, when I went to the potty earlier this morning, my skirt got hung up in my underwear.

I knew I kept feeling a breeze, but I never checked the right side of my skirt, just the left.

How I failed to feel the scratchiness that is my chair against my bare thigh, I'll never know.

To top it off, I then decided to go to the cafeteria for my morning break to get some cheese grits. I got up from my desk in the back of the room, walked past all my co-workers, out the two doors and down the hall to the cafeteria. Got IN LINE and it was then, only then, that some kind lady came over to tell me that I was flashing everyone (doctors, patients, co-workers) in the cafeteria.

Hope they liked the free time I'm charging.


Blushing Mama Dawg

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Poll Closed

Apparently I'm in the minority when it comes to pottying.

Either that, or all the public pottiers were in the bathroom.

Thanks for participating!


Mama Dawg

Heaven Discussion

I had to tell light of my life yesterday that Teddy died. It broke her heart. There were tears and hugging and some laughing (in memory of Teddy's antics) and more crying.

I had discovered his little body on Sunday night but it was way too dark to bury him but I couldn't leave his little carcass in the cage in the house or outside (cause something bigger would have carted him off).

So, I wrapped him in an old washcloth, double wrapped him in a Ziploc bag and put him in the freezer.

Yes, I had a hamster Popsicle in my freezer.

Anyway, I told light of my life we'd bury him near the fish and the baby mice. My mom made a little cross out of Popsicle sticks and light of my life wrote his name, date of death and "I Love You" on it.

She wanted one last look at him (brave girl). However, when she saw him, it made her break in to tears all over again.

I quickly buried him and put a heavy metal disc on top of the grave (to prevent bigger animals, mostly dogs, from digging him up). I stuck the cross in and went back to her.

I let her sleep with me last night. Before she fell asleep she wanted to talk. We talked about death. I explained how his dying wasn't her fault or mine but that it was just his time to go. Things in nature die all the time and that everyone and everything has to die at some time. That's what makes the world go round. The whole "Circle of Life" thing, you know.

Then she asked me about Heaven.

Now I'm officially lost.

See, I've got conflicted feelings on religion and heaven and hell and all that jazz.

My beliefs are so out of whack and don't make sense and they change all the time.

So, I don't know what to tell her.

I basically break it down and tell her (this is the coward's way out, but this was too deep a discussion to have at 9:15 pm) that Heaven is what you believe it to be. If you want to believe that Heaven is a castle in the clouds with God sitting on a throne, than that's what you can believe. If you believe it is sitting in a diner eating apple pie all day while watch the Yankees, you can believe that.

Then she said something so profound that I literally couldn't say anything for about a minute.

She said, "I think Heaven is like a window and you get to watch the world and everyone in it all day long."

She's 8....going on 88 some days.

So full of wisdom. Sometimes she says things that make me feel so small and insignificant (in a good way, not a bad way) and she really humbles me.

No wonder I'm in love with her. I don't just love her, I like her and worship her and believe in her. She is my light, my heart, my soul.

And I hate that she's hurting right now.

When I go home tonight, I think we'll have a marathon card playing session of Zeus on the Loose and Sleeping Queens.


Mama Dawg

Sausage Meatballs Gay

Someone from Ecuador googled "sausage meatballs gay" and it brought them to my site.


I don't believe I EVER typed those words together in any of my posts.

Well, except for now.

Great. I just made it worse.


Mama Dawg

P.S. Keep 'em coming with the suggestions on what to blog about. Tracey's got me two and Jared's given me one. Jared, I know you got more in ya than that!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Let's Play A Game

This post is inspired by Jared.

He asked me to blog an explaination about my "life book title" which was something to the effect of "Telling ex about being pregnant...stupid". Or something like that. I'm too lazy to go back and read it.

Anyway, if you have a particular question you want to ask or something you want me to blog about, drop a comment somewhere (preferably on this post) and I'll answer with either a full blog response or if it's short questions, a compilation. You can also drop me an e-mail at

No holds barred. I'll answer anything. Maybe......just don't ask something stupid like "Do you like donkey sex" or something equally stupid. Cause I'll ignore it. Or maybe not. Who knows.

Anyway, fire away!

If you need ideas for questions, I can post some in another blog if you're stumped for ideas.


Mama Dawg

Weekend Tidbits

My child is such a smartass (in a good way).

Friday night, we were playing a game (Zeus on the Loose for those of you who want to know). We just discovered this game. She got it for Christmas (it's a card game) but we had never tried it out. We also adore the game Sleeping Queens for anyone who's interested.

Anyway, while I was shuffling the cards, she was looking at the box the cards came in and said "I bet I can guess what this game is like. Sometimes, with books, you can guess what the story is about when you read the title."

I agreed and said something inconsequential.

She then said, "You know, predicting".

I said, "Big word."

She said, "Second grader".

I laughed so hard. It was such an adult exchange and so rapid fire. I mean, she didn't even stop to think of a response. As soon as I said, "big word", she immediately fired back with "second grader". Which she is....a second grader, that is.

So funny.


In order to tell you about the next exchange, I need to prep you.

We live in a dry county. No alcohol is sold or allowed in the county.

We have to drive 30 minutes away to the nearest Wal-Mart where you can buy beer. This is because it's located in another county.

If you can't wait to get to Wal-Mart to get cheap beer, you can stop at the first gas station in the non-dry county.

They used to have a sign in their parking lot to the effect of "Last Chance For A Cold Beer" or if you're coming in to town, "First Chance For A Cold Beer". They've taken it down recently, but that's how we refer to the gas station. As the "Last Chance For A Cold Beer" gas station.

Anyway, it was late Saturday night and mom, light of my life and I were all in the car on the way back from Wal-Mart.

As we were approaching the gas station, mom asked light of my life "Light of my life, wanna stop of a beer?"

To which she IMMEDIATELY replied, "No, thanks, I've already had two today".

Just so dry and sarcastic like.

Mom almost lost control of the car she was laughing so hard. I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

She gets it from me. I'm so proud.


Mama Dawg

How? Why?

How do I tell my 8 year old daughter that her hamster died?

Yes, I know, this sounds like something relatively simple. Thousands of kids have to get this news all the time.

But I got it harder than most.

My great aunt died back in October. My daughter was just starting to spend a lot of time with her. She was in her 80's, so the death wasn't unexpected (not really), but this was the first human death my daughter experienced. We were starting to spend a lot of time at her house visiting and what not. They got close (like only the really young and the really old can do) in a very short amount of time.

In the past two weeks, there have been 3 other deaths that are connected to my daughter in some way.

Wait, that sounded bad.

Let me explain.

About two weeks or so ago, a little boy in her school drowned. He was a grade behind my daughter. She didn't know him personally, but they brought in school counselors to help the kids cope. They had a balloon ceremony to honor him where they released hundreds of balloons in the air. To an 8 year old, this is a big deal considering there was a photographer from the local paper there, the mother of the kid was there and they got out of class to do it. At the tender age of 8, this makes a HUGE impact on your life.

The next day, a close personal friend of ours passed away. We called her Aunt, that's how close we were.

The next week, her teacher's mother died. Now, light of my life had never met her, but my daughter adores her teacher and to have the knowledge that her teacher's MOTHER died, that's hard for a little person to handle.

I did a boo-boo when I told her about our friend that passed away. I went on my trip last weekend and I had made the decision not to tell her about S passing away before I went on my trip. It was already bad enough that I was leaving for 4 days but to throw that at her on top of that was too much.

The Monday after I got back, I sat her down to tell her about S passing away. When I told her, she said "Oh, crap, why does everyone keep dying?" and then she proceeded to tell me that that day, they found out about her teacher's mother dying. So she got a double whammy in one day.

Now I have to tell her that her hamster died.

How much can an 8 year old handle?

Powers That Be.......please stop this. I can't handle telling her about another death. It's breaking my heart that she is hurting this much and is having to deal with all of this all at once. Please, please, please make her strong enough to handle this.


Mama Dawg

R.I.P. Teddy

You were a good hamster. I'll never forget the full body wiggle you did whenever you would smell edamame. You would throw yourself out of my hands to attack it like you were afraid that someone was going to steal it all away.

You will be missed.


Mama Dawg

Friday, May 9, 2008

Tagged by Just Me Julie

And now I'm tagging, Literal Dan, More Than a Minivan Mom and Jodi.

Your mission, should you choose to accept is:

In the tag, you write your memoir in six words or a title or something like that.

Mine is: "Telling Ex I Was Pregnant....Stupid!"

Eddie Izzard- Death Star Canteen

Overactive Imagination

You know how I keep telling you people that my inner 4 year old keeps coming out?

I'm not kidding about that and I'll give you another example.

Last night I went over to B & L's to help C with a project for school. While there, light of my life was having a grand old time doing whatever it is 8 and 9 year old girls do. It was close to 7 by the time I got finished and I had to get home to watch Survivor.


Anyway, I went home and left light of my life over at their house to finish playing. She had already eaten dinner over there and didn't want to come home yet so I said after I ate dinner and watched Survivor, I'd come back to get her.

I went back over a little after 8 and when I got there, B wanted me to download pics from our weekend so she could get them printed. I went back home and got my camera and came back. By the time we got finished, it was close to 10. Light of my life had fallen asleep and was sleeping pretty soundly. Even though it was a school night, B said just to leave her and she'd take me home to get some clothes for her and her backpack. Since we live right across the highway and all three girls go to the same bus stop (at the end of B's drive), it's not a hassle to do this kind of stuff.

We went to my house, got some stuff for light of my life and B took it back. I finished up doing whatever it was I was doing (I think getting a peanut butter cookie and some milk) and I went to bed (after watching 2 episodes of Friday Night Lights season show ever!).

Around 2 a.m., my phone beeped saying I had a message. The phone never rang which was weird. I don't ever put my phone straight into voice mail. I always just let it ring so I can screen calls. I listened to the voice mail but it was dead air. I checked my missed calls and saw that it said "B home" and the call was at 2:07 a.m.

Here's where my inner child came out.

My first thought, swear to God, was, "A monster is in their house and light of my life is trying to call me to rescue her".

I swear.

And no, not a figurative monster like a serial killer or rapist. An actual literal monster like from a Steven King novel.

It gets worse.

My second thought was that someone from the dead was trying to get in contact with me. (thanks Jared for that one....that was leftover from your post about that dead woman being buried with her cell phone and her husband thinking she was calling him).

I thought that when you became an adult you were supposed to be able to handle things like this in a mature fashion.

Finally, my third thought was "Light of my life must want to come home because she's not sure where she is".

Sure enough, a couple of minutes later, she called back, the phone actually rang and I went and picked her up.

To further add to my humiliating overactive imagination, whenever I'm outside in the dark by myself, I SWEAR things are watching me. Just waiting for that one vulnerable moment when I let my guard down and then they'll pounce.

Sigh......I think I have a Peter Pan complex. Or at least partially. Cause I can hold a job and pay my bills and take care of an 8 year old. Sometimes.


Mama Dawg

Thursday, May 8, 2008


I was just getting ready to log on to my e-mail account on Yahoo when I saw this headline:

"Clay Aiken's latest transformation could be his most drastic."

You know what my first thought was?

"Finally, he's turning into the girl he always wanted to be. "

Yeah, Clay Aiken lovers, don't bother e-mailing me. I really don't care. Really, I don't care. He's a stuck up S.O.B. and a so-so singer. Nothing to write home about.

Or to write about more on this blog.


Mama Dawg

Guess What I Did Tuesday Afternoon?

Go on....guess....

Nope, I didn't kill a monkey.

Nope, I didn't smoke a turkey.

Nope, I didn't chase a llama.

(why are all your guesses about animals?)

Nope, I didn't solve world peace or world hunger or find a cure for cancer. You're getting waaaayyy toooooo deep on me.

Give up?

I cut my hair.

ALL OFF!!!!!!

It's gone. I've got about 2 1/2 inches on top and about an inch all the way around. It's real, real, real short.

So short, my daughter's now calling me Daddy.

She's joking...I hope.

I've actually had it this short before. About 3 years ago and about 6 years before that. So, it's nothing new. She's seen it short before.

She's just developed her sense of humor and is teasing me...I hope.


Mama Dawg

Disney Tip of the Week

So sorry this is late. Changes occurred at work that prevented me from writing this out.

Anyhoo......this one focuses on ways to save a bit. Not much and not too detailed right now but a little something to help you on your way.

I have to budget for my vacation. No surprise there since I'm a single mom with limited means.

However, it is possible to have a cheaper vacation at Disney then you think.

This first entry on savings will be about saving on food. You can save hundreds of dollars by bringing some of your own snacks to the park. Although Disney prohibits outside food in the park, they overlook snacks.

We always make sure we have enough money to get special treats like Dole Whips and Frozen Bananas but for the most part, it's easier to just grab something out of your backpack to eat. This not only saves money, but it saves time since you don't have to stand in line.

Recommended snacks are granola bars (for those of you that like 'em), fruit roll ups, Goldfish cracker packets, those individual Pringles packs, small bags of chips, grapes, slices of apple, carrot sticks, Combos, the list goes on and on.

I do not recommend you take anything that will melt. No chocolate, no melty candy (I don't even recommend lollipops since even they can get kinda melty in hot weather), yogurt covered anything, bananas (they get mushy and hot, gross) or anything sticky, period. It's more of a hassle than it's worth.

In addition, bring your own bottled water. Even if you can't carry more than a couple of bottles per person, that's at least $2 a bottle that you save. There are water fountains all over the place where you can fill up your bottles back up. Having lived in several states, I find Florida water tastier than some of the states I've been in.

If you don't like the taste of Florida water, you can always bring those flavored packets to put in your bottles.

If you don't want to carry around bottled water, take a canteen. Get one with a strap and you can hang it on the stroller or over your shoulder. We've done that before and it works out great.

Also, bring breakfast food with you. Unless you just have to have a full meal at breakfast, you can buy milk at the food court at your hotel and use that for cereal. I know you've all seen those packages of multiple cereal boxes at the store. Light of my life loves those. You don't even need a bowl. You can open them up on the side of the box and open up the little packaging inside and pour the milk right in. Either bring your own plastic spoons or pick some up in the food court. If you don't have to have your Pop-Tart toasted, bring Pop-Tarts. Breakfast bars are good, too.

I brought individual packages of granola that I got at Target and ate one of those for a couple of mornings. That and a cup of coffee and I was good to go.

Also, if you do any breakfasts, lunches or dinners in the parks, take some Ziploc bags along and if you had any biscuits, rolls or fruit with your meal, you can always store them away in your Ziploc bags for a snack later on. I know that sounds weird, but we did that with some leftover cinnamon rolls and fruit from the Princess Storybook Breakfast in Norway and by mid-morning, those cinnamon rolls never looked so good. We finished off the fruit as well. Saved $6 or so on snacks.

That's it for today. I'll be back next week for more.


Mama Dawg

Teaser....'s a teaser to hold you over til I get the post written about the weekend. This is just an example of the...hmmmmm, how do I say we had.


Mama Dawg

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Chasing Frogs

This is how I spent 10 minutes of my time on Monday evening, until I literally stopped, slapped my forehead and said, "What the f*ck am I doing?"

And I wasn't even chasing him/her around the yard. I was just chasing it around and around the well.

I had to clean the litter box on Monday night and when I was walking back towards the back door, I noticed a HUGE ASS frog near the well.

The 4 year old inside of me (that tends to come out more and more since I moved out to the country) thought..."awesome" and I proceeded to chase it around and around the well with the intent on catching it.

Well, not really. I just wanted to bug the hell out of the frog. I could have caught him at any time, but I just wanted to mess with his head.

Take that, you damn stinky frog.

I don't think he was stinky though.

Take that, you damn hoppy frog.

There...that's better.

I swear I was not one of those kids that used to burn ants on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass.


I just stepped on 'em.

You wanna know the funniest part?

My mom says she did the same thing earlier that day.


Mama Dawg

Happy Birthday, L!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday, dear, L!!!

Happy Birthday to you!

Hahaha! You're older than me!!!! Nanny nanny boo-boo!


Mama Dawg

List Thingie

Got this from Julie's site

1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Squirmy Pontiac

2.Gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Chocolate Stiletto

3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Turquoise Turtle

4.Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Ren Em

5.Your Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Black Beer

6.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): William Haven

7.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Helen Honolulu (yes, her last name was Helen)

8.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Autumn Tiger Lily

9.Cartoon name: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Orange Skirt

10.Hippie name (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Bagel Mimosa

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Everybody Poops

DISCLAIMER: I am not directing this at any one person. I know at least 5 people that feel this way (opposite of me), so do not feel that this is directed at any one of you specifically. It's just that I noticed lately that I know so many who feel this way and I wanted to bring it up. Again, this is not directed at anyone in particular. Thanks.


Public vs. private bathrooms. What’s the issue here?

Why are there people who can not, for the life of them, use a public restroom? To do either or all business?

I’m not calling anyone out and I’m not making fun. I seriously want to know.

See, I have NO problem, whatsoever, using a public bathroom or even (gasp, shudder) a port a potty.

I’m not saying I ENJOY using a port a potty because I don’t. Like most people, it’s saved as a last resort.

However, when I gotta go, I gotta go. I’m not one to make myself miserable by withholding either business.

I feel 100% better to let it all go whenever I feel the urge.

I’ve heard people say because of all the germs, or they’re afraid to catch things, or they hate the smell (either that they give off or the smell in the bathroom before they use it), or the sounds or whatever.

That’s why bathrooms were invented. To USE them. And, they were not only invented to go #1 either. If that was the case, then there would only be urinals in the men's and some sort of urinal thingie for women. Not full on toilets that can handle all your business.

As for germs or catching things, well, I’ve been on this earth for almost 31 years now and except for an abnormal pap smear right after I gave birth (which my doc said was normal), I’ve never had any diseases or illnesses in any of my nether region areas. NEVER!!!!! No yeast infection, no UTI, nothing.

Other than an occasional cold and my sinus problems, I’ve never had health issues.

As many public bathrooms and port a potties as I’ve used (believe me, during Mardi Gras time, I’ve USED a LOT), the odds are that I would have caught something by now if there was truly a common danger in catching something.

As for the smell or sound, get over it. It’s natural. If God (or Buddha or whomever you believe created man and his body) didn’t intend for it to be that way, I don’t think it would be the way it is. Who cares? Everyone poops. I poop, Mariah Carey poops, Donald Trump poops, the Dali Lama poops, for those that believe in Jesus, I’m sure he pooped, too. It’s a fact of life and perfectly natural. Oprah even poops!

I do not want to be uncomfortable with holding in anything. Why would you choose to be bloated and uncomfortable?

I guess I just don’t understand.

My mom’s like this. I mean, if she really has to go, she will. But as for #2, forget it. She can go in a hotel room and if we’re staying at someone’s house for an extended period of time but if she’s at the mall or somewhere like that? Forget it.

I don’t know. I guess it’s just me.

What do y’all think?


Mama Dawg

"Desdemona's Building A Rocket Ship" by Jimmy Buffett

This is just such a haunting, fantastical song when you listen to it.

Desdemona's building a rocket ship
Desdemona's going away
Desdemona's building a rocket ship
Blasting off today
She's got a passion for cookies
A crew full of rookies
It's going to be a hell of a blow
Desdemona's building a rocket ship
And I've got to go

A women on a mission
Quite familiar with quasars
Her heart is in a kitchen
But her soul is in the stars
Crystal clear on logic
But short on expertise
This is a very ancient puzzle
She feels herself a piece

Desdemona's building a rocket ship
Desdemona's going away
Desdemona's building a rocket ship
Blasting off today
She got a passion for cookies
A crew full of rookies
It's going to be a hell of a blow
Desdemona's building a rocket ship
Guess I've got to go

She was down in Puerto Rico
Doing a scientist
True, he was no geek though
She was taken with his kiss
It was under the giant telescope
Where she heard the calling voice
It came screaming through the light years
She never had a choice

Pleiades calling her home
Seven sisters, she hears her distant sisters
Pleiades calling me home
Seven sisters, she hears her seven sisters

Pleiades calling her home
Seven sisters, she hears her distant sisters
Pleiades calling me home
Seven sisters, she hears her seven sisters

A woman on a mission
Quite familiar with quasars
Her heart's still in the kitchen
But her soul is in the stars
Her engine fuel with logic
And navigation expertise
It's a very distant puzzle
She gonna to get her piece

Desdemona's building a rocket ship
Desdemona's going away
Desdemona's building a rocket ship
Blasting off today
She got a passion for cookies
A crew full of rookies
It's going to be a hell of a blow
Desdemona's building a rocket ship
I've just got to go

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