Question of the Day

Why is it that when some women come out of a bathroom, they leave it smelling like roses?

Literally, smelling like roses (or some other flower).

Do they take in some sort of body spray and liberally spray it after they’re done?

Or, have I actually found a group of women whose sh*t literally does not stink?

What do you think?

Later,

Mama Dawg

Yet Another Bathroom Experience

What is it with me and bathrooms lately?

I just went to the bathroom here at work. There's one single stall private bathroom but it was occupied. I had to use the one that patients and visitors use here near the financial office. Inside the bathroom, there's two stalls and one of them is handicapped.

I, of course, not being an ass, use the non-handicapped one.

I'm sitting there on the potty doing my business when I hear the main door open. I don't think anything of it until this tiny pair of Crocs stop in front of my closed door. I hear the door rattle and then...HORROR OF HORRORS...two little hands touch the floor and I see the beginning of the ends of hair.

She was about to look under my stall door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While I was peeing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A strange little girl was about to see me pee.

I quickly hollered out, "Someone's in here sweetie". Before I could see her little eyes peering at me, she bounced up and went into the stall next to mine (the handicapped stall). I finish up and the ATF (automatic toilet flushing piece of shit) goes off before I'm halfway up off the pot and my ass (as usual) gets splashed (thankfully it happens after it's flushed down whatever was in the pot so it's at least clean water).

I unlock my door and exit the stall. I swear, it's like she was waiting for me to exit the stall. As soon as she heard my lock click, she came barreling out of her stall and said (with a lisp) "I can't use this one".

I just stared at her and went to the sink to wash my hands. I hear her ask me "Watcha doin?" and I turn around and she's right up on me! I mean, her little face is about 6 inches from my butt (that's how "tall" she was). I almost stumbled on her! I explained I was washing my hands and she said, "Oh" and went back to the stall.

I finished washing and drying my hands and left.

Strange.

Later,

Mama Dawg

Everybody Poops

DISCLAIMER: I am not directing this at any one person. I know at least 5 people that feel this way (opposite of me), so do not feel that this is directed at any one of you specifically. It's just that I noticed lately that I know so many who feel this way and I wanted to bring it up. Again, this is not directed at anyone in particular. Thanks.

Observation:

Public vs. private bathrooms. What’s the issue here?

Why are there people who can not, for the life of them, use a public restroom? To do either or all business?

I’m not calling anyone out and I’m not making fun. I seriously want to know.

See, I have NO problem, whatsoever, using a public bathroom or even (gasp, shudder) a port a potty.

I’m not saying I ENJOY using a port a potty because I don’t. Like most people, it’s saved as a last resort.

However, when I gotta go, I gotta go. I’m not one to make myself miserable by withholding either business.

I feel 100% better to let it all go whenever I feel the urge.

I’ve heard people say because of all the germs, or they’re afraid to catch things, or they hate the smell (either that they give off or the smell in the bathroom before they use it), or the sounds or whatever.

That’s why bathrooms were invented. To USE them. And, they were not only invented to go #1 either. If that was the case, then there would only be urinals in the men's and some sort of urinal thingie for women. Not full on toilets that can handle all your business.

As for germs or catching things, well, I’ve been on this earth for almost 31 years now and except for an abnormal pap smear right after I gave birth (which my doc said was normal), I’ve never had any diseases or illnesses in any of my nether region areas. NEVER!!!!! No yeast infection, no UTI, nothing.

Other than an occasional cold and my sinus problems, I’ve never had health issues.

As many public bathrooms and port a potties as I’ve used (believe me, during Mardi Gras time, I’ve USED a LOT), the odds are that I would have caught something by now if there was truly a common danger in catching something.

As for the smell or sound, get over it. It’s natural. If God (or Buddha or whomever you believe created man and his body) didn’t intend for it to be that way, I don’t think it would be the way it is. Who cares? Everyone poops. I poop, Mariah Carey poops, Donald Trump poops, the Dali Lama poops, for those that believe in Jesus, I’m sure he pooped, too. It’s a fact of life and perfectly natural. Oprah even poops!

I do not want to be uncomfortable with holding in anything. Why would you choose to be bloated and uncomfortable?

I guess I just don’t understand.

My mom’s like this. I mean, if she really has to go, she will. But as for #2, forget it. She can go in a hotel room and if we’re staying at someone’s house for an extended period of time but if she’s at the mall or somewhere like that? Forget it.

I don’t know. I guess it’s just me.

What do y’all think?

Later,

Mama Dawg

Party in the Toilet

I totally want fireworks and party poppers going off every time I go to the potty! This is.....weird. I....just don't have the words. Watch for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GN_Qv79nnI

Later,

Mama Dawg

Automatic Flushing Toilets (or ATF's)

I can't stand these. Whoever invented these ought to be shot.

For you germaphobes......grow a pair and use your foot like the rest of us to flush a toilet. Or, grab some tp and use it to cover the handle to flush.

These things are so ridiculous. Half the time they don't flush at all and you have to push that little button. The other half of the time......they flush while you're mid-stream....or worse. In order to avoid getting your entire ass covered in backsplash (or worse) you have to stop mid-stream (or worse) and get up. Then, if you want to still avoid getting your rear wet, you have to (while your pants are pulled down and you still need to finish what it is you entered the stall for) wipe down the seat or put a new seat cover on (provided there are any seat covers left).

We have one here at work that any slightest move you make, it flushes. Not only is that a huge pain in the ass (no pun intended for it doesn't hurt unless you're constipated) but it's such a water waster.

To top it off, all you potty-training parents feel my pain. I can remember when light of my life was potty-training (and really, even up til she was 5), she HATED these toilets with a passion. I mean, with a screaming, almost fit-throwing passion. I would have to enter the stall ahead of her and stand behind the toilet to cover the motion sensor so it wouldn't go off before, during or after she was touching her precious little bottom to the toilet. Such a pain.

Thank goodness she's over that part, but she's like me in that she hates them as well.

I'll get off the pot.....er...my soapbox now.

Later,

Mama Dawg