N'awlin's, Baby, N'awlin's.

It started with food.

It ended with food.

We went down to New Orleans this past weekend. We were LONG overdue for a visit with friends.

We left late Thursday afternoon and got in late Thursday night.

On Friday, we mostly shopped and then went to visit our friend, R, who used to be our old next door neighbor. They've known LOML since she was born and we're practically family. We all liked each other so much, we let them buy our house when we moved! LOL!

Anyway, mom and LOML left me at R's house for us to have a girls night out.

I got home after 3:30 a.m.

Let's just say it's been a while since I've been up AND out that late.

I had so much fun.

We decided to eat Thai food to start off the evening. Below is a pic of what was left on my plate as well as the pot that held our coconut soup. Yummmmmmmm.......




We decided at that time to head downtown for a couple of drinks. Here's a shot of Bourbon St. What's really funny is that club you see in the background?

Yeah, that's where I met my ex-husband. And it's where I met the male stripper. And it's where I danced on stage. I have many a memory of that club.




We decided to skip Bourbon and went down to Frenchman's St instead. We knew of a little bar there that we had been to a couple of years earlier and wanted to go back. After we parked the car on the street about 2 blocks from the bar (y'all, this is an impossible task.....but somehow, R has the BEST luck getting parking spots), we started walking to the bar and stopped to listen to a brass band just playing on the sidewalk.

Here's a short vid of them playing. Plus a random drunk guy. This is why I heart New Orleans. Where else can you go that has a brass band playing in random spots throughout the city?

Once we got to the bar, I decided to do a shot AND a shout out to my girl Jess who guest posted for me on Friday.

Here's to you, Jess.

The bartender was so intrigued with our notes and picture taking, she decided to get in on the action and volunteered to take a pic of R and I at the bar. I love the mural behind us. Turns out it was Reggae night and they had a live band that was FANTASTIC!

Oh, Jess. You knew I couldn't leave it alone. And just to add to the fun, some bitch outside the potty decided to start banging on the door while I was peeing. Granted, I HAD been in there a long time writing on the wall and taking pics. But still, c'mon. Give a girl time to send a public message to her girl in Savannah.

I walked out of the bathroom and got right up in her face and said, "You're welcome bitch for me cleaning the toilet after someone pissed all over it" and walked away.

I figured that was a better story than telling them that I was in there for so long writing on walls and taking pics.

And yeah, I called her a bitch. But she started it. I swear.

Next stop.....Harrah's.

Don't ask. I won't tell. Let's just put it this way, I got my drunk on and there was money involved but how much, I won't say.

I will say this, though. I am a bad luck charm in casino's. Just ask my mom, Barbara and R. They can all attest that while I'm hanging out with them when they're gambling, they lose. As soon as I walk away, they start winning.

It's a gift, I tell you. A gift.

We ended the night at my favorite place in the whole world. Cafe du Monde

In your face, Jess!

Love ya!

A good night was had by all.

R, I'll be back in May. Save some room for beignets.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful but fun.

I sure was glad to be home though. As much as I love New Orleans, I'm still glad we moved. Too much city was starting to grate on my nerves.

How was your weekend?

Later,

Mama Dawg

Mama Dawg...The Drug Mule

Did I ever tell you about my time as a drug mule?

No?

Hmmmmm….how I missed tell you guys about that, I’ll never know.

Anyway, it was back in 1995.

Yep, the year I graduated high school.

As I’ve mentioned here before, I used to work for Disney World.

I started in February of 1995 during my senior year of high school.

I met a fabulous girl there. I called her Mimi. Her real name is not Mimi and because I love her so, I will not reveal her real name here.


(that's me and Mimi)

Nevertheless, Mimi is Puerto Rican.

It’s important you know that…seriously…it has some bearing on the story.

Anyhoo, sometime during that summer, Mimi and I decided to visit my aunt, uncle and step-cousin in New Orleans. It was normally a 10 hour road trip but this being our first road trip and all, it took a lot longer than that…naturally.

No, we didn’t get lost.

We stopped to go shopping in an Antique Mall somewhere in BFE Florida or George or somewhere near those states.

Could have been Alaska for all I know. (Hi! Sarah…nice caribou!)

Before we left, we had decided to swing through Jackson, MS to visit my dad and step-mom.

Since we were in the neighborhood and all, you know.

At that time, I was driving my Teal Mobile. We had the car full of crap. You know, necessary things. Bathing suits, clothes, hair stuff, shoes, snacks, drinks, etc…..

I made the incredibly smart decision to drive the WHOLE WAY.

Mimi offered, but I declined.

Cause I’m a good friend that way.

After driving FOREVER, we finally get on 49 in Mississippi.

Anybody that knows Mississippi knows that this is known as COP CORRIDOR.

It’s dark and I all of a sudden see these swirly lights in my rearview mirror and I pull over like a good law-abiding citizen.

This big huge good ol’ boy swaggers out of his tiny clown car sized cruiser (that’s how big he was) and mosies on over to my window.

After staring at his rather immense crotch (which was approximately 10 inches from my nose) for about 5 whole minutes, he finally leaned down and asked me for my papers. After he reviewed them for what seemed like hours, he asked me some incredibly stupid questions like “So, you’re name is (insert my real name here)? You’re from Florida, huh?” All this after looking at my DRIVERS LICENSE from the state of Florida.

I’m all “WTF” (inside my head, of course). I answer his questions and watch as he walks all around my car peering inside.

Mimi is in the passenger seat and had been sleeping but was woken up by the commotion.

The cop finally asks me to step outside and makes me walk to the back of my car while he asked me the same stupid questions AGAIN!

He finally asks me if I had been drinking and when I answered negative, he leaned in close to me. I can only guess it was to try to sniff out any alcohol fumes from my breath.

He told me he pulled me over for weaving on the road. When I explained to him that I was tired from my long trip, he finally, sweet lord in heaven, finally let me go with a warning.

An hour or so later, we’re right on the outskirts of the city my dad lives in off of 1-20 when I get pulled over again.

This time, no swirly lights. Just a siren and a white non-descript truck.

This was before we got all those warning e-mails about fake cops pulling women over, so again, like a good citizen, I pulled over.

This time, the obviously undercover cop gets me out of the car first thing and asks to see my license.

He, at least, was a smart one. He just looked at me, looked at the license, looked at me again and asked me if I knew why he pulled me over.

I said, “Well, the last cop pulled me over for weaving”.

He didn’t find that funny.

He did say that that why he pulled me over.

He then asked me where I was going and I told him. I explained we were only 20 minutes or so from my dad’s place and that I was really, really tired.

He then asked me if I had someone in the car. When I gave him her name, he got all bright eyed and started walking around the exterior of my vehicle.

This whole time, I’m finding all this incredibly weird and I can’t figure out the strange behavior.

He finally comes back around after talking to Mimi in the car and lets me off with a warning.

We continue on til we get to my dad’s house.

After we get there and we relax for a bit, I explained the cops weird behavior to my step-mom and dad.

They started laughing and told me that I was a suspected drug mole.

When I asked what that meant, they said that even though they pulled me over for weaving, they probably already had me in their sights due to the following:

I was driving a sports car
I had Florida plates
I was a young female

When they pulled me over and saw that I had a Puerto Rican in the front with me, that furthered their suspicions.

It turns out, the routes I was driving was apparently the drug corridor haven for drug mules going from Texas to Florida or vice versa.

Who knew?

Just so you can get an idea of how much I love Mimi, here’s a picture of us from a trip to Six Flags.



She Rocks!!!

Later,

Wild, But Not Wet, Willies

This happened either late 2006 or early 2007. I know it was after I moved back to New Orleans from being in exile due to Katrina.

My old next-door neighbor, R, is one of my closest friends. She’s this big ball of energy that infects you if you get too close to her. If I’m having a crappy day, a nice word or a smile from her always makes me feel better. If I’m low on energy, just 5 minutes in her presence makes me want to get up off my ass (that was for you, Debbie!) posterior and DO SOMETHING!!!

The thing with R is…you never know what’s gonna happen when you go out with her.

Now, normally, nothing real big happens. Just lots of drinking (not her, she doesn’t drink that much…natural DD!) and laughs and drinking and laughs. Did I mention drinking and laughs? If not, those are always had by all.

R is the best at hook-ups. She works for a HUGE corporation that includes ownership of places such as oh, let’s say, The Chicken Ranch and Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club and Déjà vu. Yeah….she works for them.

But not as a “dancer”. No siree, you’ll never catch R up on that nasty, nasty pole.

She has family ties that go way back and is connected to some very notable people in New Orleans. Such as Dr. John (he’s her godfather) and Andrew Jaeger (one of her bosses).

She runs a hotel in the French Quarter and has run several of the many, many restaurants Andrew Jaeger has “owned” and “operated” throughout his years in NOLA.

She has connections out the wazoo when it comes to clubs and casinos and bars and restaurants.

If that wasn’t enough to make you want to be friends with her….she’s funny and generous to a fault and is just one of the best people on Earth. Don’t even get me started on her husband and son. You will never meet better people.

Having said all that….R sometimes comes up with “interesting” things to do and it usually has to do with her connections to various places in the city.

Her uncle is a cross dresser and has/had access to plays and clubs of the “alternative” kind.

One day, she asked me if I wanted to go see a play that her uncle either put on or ran…not sure which. It was in the Marigny and since I had never been there after dark, I said, “Sure”…plus…free play!

She said that her mom and grandmother were attending and we would be able to get front row seats!!!

Awesome!!! Score!!!!

New Orleans is known for their art productions of all kinds so I knew that the play would be entertaining. Either because it sucked hard core and we could make fun of it or it would be great.

All she would tell me about the play is that it was called “Take Me Out” and it had something to do with baseball players and it was a production of all men.

Ok, cool…I was down with that. I love me some men.

So, we get in her Dodge Charger and drive down to the Marigny. We park the car and go into the theatre. R talks to the man behind the curtain and we go all the way inside and find our table at the very front . Not even 5 feet from the stage.

It’s one of those small theatres that holds about….50 people or so. Very tiny.

We’re sitting at a round table with normal chairs. You know, the kind you find at reception halls and the like.

R’s mom and grandma show up and sit right behind us. We’re all chatting away and the lights go dim.

All of a sudden…….




…..there’s like 20 NAKED swinging willies in my face…of all sizes and shapes and colors.

All the men were nude. It was a nude play.

A play of naked men.

Nude males five feet from my face.

On the one hand, it was like a gift from God.

Except…they were all gay.

On the other hand, it was hysterical.

But it wasn’t supposed to be.

It was supposed to be art.

But, c’mon. Willies 5 FEET FROM MY FACE!!! How do you not laugh? Seriously, how do you not laugh?

To this day, I still don’t know what it was about. Something about race and homosexuality and prejudice and yada yada yada.

All I took away from the whole thing was 20 willies hanging free in the wind with me only 5 feet away.

This is the reason I love R and New Orleans (except to live there).

Later,

Mama Dawg

P.S. If you want a link to the review (no nudie pics….sorry!) click here.