Mama Dawg's Rider
As many of you know (all 3 of you), I made it onto the Good Mom/Bad Mom list.
Here's my badge as proof.
MAW over at Unmitigated nominated my guest-post I did for Captain Dumbass over at Us and Them.
I think she did it only so I would do yet ANOTHER link to her blog from mine.
She’s such a link whore.
No offense.
Well, yes, some.
Anyhoo…since I’m all famous and stuff now, I have decided that until further notice (like when I get even more famous), this list shall stand as my official rider.
1. There must be at least a minimum of 3 beta fish swimming in different shaped bowls through out her dressing room. One must have glass stones of red, one of blue and one of green. The fish should be of complimentary colors to each bowl with the different stones. The fish must all be male.
2. The room must be painted the same teal color as her old Geo Storm (affectionately known as the Teal Mobile). There must be a minimum of 3 racing stripes at shoulder height. That’s Mama Dawg’s shoulder height, mind you.
3. There must be a stock of Archer Farms Blood Orange Italian Soda inside of the mini-fridge. It must stay fully stocked at all times.
4. There must be a mini-fridge. It must be brown paneling in color with a black handle. (Lowly assistant, Brigita, please reverse numbers 3 & 4 on the rider before posting.)
5. There shall be a revolving disco ball in the center of the room on the ceiling. This shall be the only major light source.
6. There shall be a minimum of 6 lava lamps scattered randomly throughout the room.
7. Every Harry Potter book ever written (including all the companion books, authorized AND unauthorized) must be in a white metal bookcase.
8. There must be at least one set of Snitch gold plated book ends to hold all the books in place. If you can not find a set of Snitch gold plated book ends, either make some yourself or you’re fired.
9. There must be at a minimum, 50 different pictures of Light of her Life framed and hung on the walls. All pictures must be either 3 x 5’s, 5 x 7’s or 8 x 10’s. They must all be in black plastic frames. The kind that you set the picture in to and then put a piece of glass on top. You can find these at any Wal-Mart in the country.
10. There must be one metallic teal iPod downloaded with nothing but Jimmy Buffet songs, one metallic pink iPod downloaded with nothing but Madonna songs, one silver iPod downloaded with nothing but hip hop songs (including all of Chris Brown, Snoop Dogg and Kevin Rudolph). In addition, there must be one metallic green iPod downloaded with nothing but the sound track to the following movies:
Dune
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar
Blade
Blade III
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
The Dukes of Hazzard (with Jessica Simpson)
and
Manos: The Hands of Fate
11. There must be a DVD player hooked up to a 27 inch TV.
12. The following movies must always be made available to her:
2 Fast, 2 Furious
Alfie
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Crossroads
The Little Mermaid
and
The Aristocrats
13. A four poster turn of the century bed with black silk sheets and at a minimum, 15 pink fuzzy pillows.
14. A naked and always “at attention” Christian Bale any man in said bed.
15. Peanut M & M’s with the peanuts removed and the shells intact.
If anyone takes exception to any of these demands, screw you.
Thanks and see ya on the circuit (whatever one that may be!).
Later,
Brigita, dammit, you're FIRED!
