I'm so pissed.....at myself of course.
Without giving too many details, let's just say that a couple of years ago, I did something and got caught. I didn't pay for my actions and lived in the constant fear that I would be discovered and would pay much worse than I would have if I had paid when I first got caught.
The fear was so relentless and so all consuming, it changed my way of life.
Not enough for anyone to notice and I was able to cover it all up for these past two and half years, but still..........it was out "there". You know, out in the universe.
Over the course of the past week, I have discovered that I was living in fear all this time FOR NO REASON AT ALL. That being caught would not have happened BECAUSE NO ONE HAD ANY RECORD OF IT AT ALL!!!
What the hell Universe? What the hell? Did you enjoy your hearty laugh at my expense? Didja? Huh? Huh?
P.S. Having said all that, the actions I've taken over the past week have obliterated any chance of me getting in trouble now. I've not only confessed and paid for the past actions, but I've obliterated any chance of that fear coming true. Man.......it's like the Rock of Gibralter has been lifted off my shoulders.
P.S.S. I know......cryptic much?
P.S.S.S. Aren't you glad I'm back? *smooch*
I’m feeling restless.
I don’t know why.
I’m feeling depressed.
I don’t know why.
I’m yearning for something.
I don’t know what.
Something I’ve never had.
Is that yearning?
I know it’s not missing.
For something to be missing, you had to have it in the first place.
I want a connection with someone.
I mean, a REAL connection.
Maybe that’s it.
Maybe I need to feel grounded.
I feel like I’m just floating along right now.
Gah, I hate feeling this way.
Of course, the iPod’s not helping in ANY way.
That may be contributing to the restless feeling.
I soooo need to get out of here.
A drink?
Maybe.
That might do it.
I need to see people I know.
Not family.
Other people.
People I haven’t seen in years (Jeff, are you there? For some reason, I’ve been missing you lately.)
I hate google.
It allows me to find people I haven’t thought of in years.
Then that leads me to feeling nostalgic.
Which leads me to the yearning feelings.
Can I cut off my head?
Or at least stop thinking so much?
I need change.
Not quarters.
Real change.
Can I GET any weirder?
Maybe.
Why has my viewing stats jumped up so much in the past week?
I haven’t changed anything.
I should hold a contest soon.
I have some stuff.
But, it’s kind of vacation themed.
And now’s not the time for vacations.
Usually.
I’m writing this on Monday, but posting on Tuesday.
I have to have continuity on my blog.
Who Would You Do on Mondays and nothing else.
Damn George Michael.
I’m leaving before this gets any weirder.
Stream of consciousness…sorry.
This is what I call a mind dump.
Maybe it’ll help.
Or turn all you off forever.
Sorry.
Later,
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