Conversations With A Lesbian Demon

Mama Dawg: So, Ms. Lesbian Demon…may I call you LD?

Lesbian Demon: Actually, you can call me Ellen. That’s my God given name.

MD: Really? You know, there’s an actr…

LD: Yes, yes I know. I hear about it all the time. Keep in mind, I’m waaaaayyyy older than she is, so she actually has MY name. Not the other way around.

MD: Sorry.

LD: That’s all right.

MD: So, anyway, I was at work yesterday and my co-workers were having this HUGE conversation about sins and what is and what isn’t in the bible and then….I don’t know how this happened, but they started talking about Lesbian Demons.

LD: ? Go on.

MD: Well, it got me to thinking…what if there really IS a Lesbian Demon? How cool with that be?
LD: Very cool. And, there is one. Me!

MD: I know! I didn’t believe at first. In fact, I wanted to get real snarky and say something like “Call Buffy to come slay the Lesbian Demon” or “I bet on Angel they never had to fight one of those”.

LD: Didn’t they fight something like that in Charmed? Maybe I’m wrong.

MD: You watch Charmed?

LD: Hello? Alyssa Milano? Major hottie!

MD: Yeah, you’re right. Remember her as Sam from “Who’s The Boss?”

LD: Yeah….sigh…she was so young and innocent then. And rather flat-chested. I’m so glad she finally grew some boobs.

MD: Ermmmm….okay.

LD: I’m sorry. I got distracted. You were saying?

MD: So, as I was saying, I thought it would be cool to ask a Lesbian Demon some questions. Is that o.k. with you?

LD: Sure, as long as they don’t get too personal. I do have a rep to protect, you know.

MD: Really? Like what kind of rep?

LD: You know, cool and hip and with the times. Please don’t make me confess that I actually loved “Little House on the Prairie” when it was on.

MD: Um, too late. You just did. You did know I was doing this for my blog, right?

LD: Uh, yeah. Can we scratch that?

MD: No, sorry. I need to fill up space and that takes up like 10 spaces right there.

LD: Sigh…..o.k. If you must, leave it in.

MD: Thanks! Anyway, I wanted to know why you choose some women to be lesbians and not others.

LD: Depends. I mostly look at their personality and determination and ability to weather harsh words and bigotry.

MD: Huh? That makes sense. How come you didn’t choose me to be one? I think I’d make an excellent lesbian. I love boobs, I have short hair, I like sports (somewhat), etc…

LD: My dear, those things a lesbian does not make. And not all lesbians like sports and have short hair. Those are just surface qualities…wait, you like boobs?

MD: Yeah, who doesn’t? They’re fun!

LD: You mean you like some other than your own?

MD: Again, who doesn’t admire a nice rack?

LD: Oh, you’re talking about admiring….that’s different than liking them. Anyway, my child, it was not your destiny to be a lesbian in this life.

MD: Why not?

LD: Don’t you know? You were destined to be the mother of the most wonderful girl who will grow up to change the world one day.

MD: Really? LOML is going to change the world? Boo-Yah! I knew she was destined for greatness.

LD: Yes she is.

MD: So, is she like gonna be the President or discover the cure for cancer or some sort of humanitarian?

LD: That’s for me to know and you to find out, my dear.

MD: Are you like in 3rd grade or something?

LD: No. Why?

MD: Never mind. Continuing my questioning…

LD: Sorry to interrupt dear, but a new soul just came into this earth that has the exact qualities I’m looking for so I must run for now.

MD: Oh, hey, no problem. Talk later?

LD: Most definitely.

To be continued……

Oh, and for the record, there really was a conversation at my place of business about lesbian demons. It's what prompted this little incomplete Q & A. There are truly times when I actually say "WTF" in my head at the conversations I hear around here. *shaking head in dismay*

Later,

Mama Dawg