Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Conversations With A Lesbian Demon

Mama Dawg: So, Ms. Lesbian Demon…may I call you LD?

Lesbian Demon: Actually, you can call me Ellen. That’s my God given name.

MD: Really? You know, there’s an actr…

LD: Yes, yes I know. I hear about it all the time. Keep in mind, I’m waaaaayyyy older than she is, so she actually has MY name. Not the other way around.

MD: Sorry.

LD: That’s all right.

MD: So, anyway, I was at work yesterday and my co-workers were having this HUGE conversation about sins and what is and what isn’t in the bible and then….I don’t know how this happened, but they started talking about Lesbian Demons.

LD: ? Go on.

MD: Well, it got me to thinking…what if there really IS a Lesbian Demon? How cool with that be?
LD: Very cool. And, there is one. Me!

MD: I know! I didn’t believe at first. In fact, I wanted to get real snarky and say something like “Call Buffy to come slay the Lesbian Demon” or “I bet on Angel they never had to fight one of those”.

LD: Didn’t they fight something like that in Charmed? Maybe I’m wrong.

MD: You watch Charmed?

LD: Hello? Alyssa Milano? Major hottie!

MD: Yeah, you’re right. Remember her as Sam from “Who’s The Boss?”

LD: Yeah….sigh…she was so young and innocent then. And rather flat-chested. I’m so glad she finally grew some boobs.

MD: Ermmmm….okay.

LD: I’m sorry. I got distracted. You were saying?

MD: So, as I was saying, I thought it would be cool to ask a Lesbian Demon some questions. Is that o.k. with you?

LD: Sure, as long as they don’t get too personal. I do have a rep to protect, you know.

MD: Really? Like what kind of rep?

LD: You know, cool and hip and with the times. Please don’t make me confess that I actually loved “Little House on the Prairie” when it was on.

MD: Um, too late. You just did. You did know I was doing this for my blog, right?

LD: Uh, yeah. Can we scratch that?

MD: No, sorry. I need to fill up space and that takes up like 10 spaces right there.

LD: Sigh…..o.k. If you must, leave it in.

MD: Thanks! Anyway, I wanted to know why you choose some women to be lesbians and not others.

LD: Depends. I mostly look at their personality and determination and ability to weather harsh words and bigotry.

MD: Huh? That makes sense. How come you didn’t choose me to be one? I think I’d make an excellent lesbian. I love boobs, I have short hair, I like sports (somewhat), etc…

LD: My dear, those things a lesbian does not make. And not all lesbians like sports and have short hair. Those are just surface qualities…wait, you like boobs?

MD: Yeah, who doesn’t? They’re fun!

LD: You mean you like some other than your own?

MD: Again, who doesn’t admire a nice rack?

LD: Oh, you’re talking about admiring….that’s different than liking them. Anyway, my child, it was not your destiny to be a lesbian in this life.

MD: Why not?

LD: Don’t you know? You were destined to be the mother of the most wonderful girl who will grow up to change the world one day.

MD: Really? LOML is going to change the world? Boo-Yah! I knew she was destined for greatness.

LD: Yes she is.

MD: So, is she like gonna be the President or discover the cure for cancer or some sort of humanitarian?

LD: That’s for me to know and you to find out, my dear.

MD: Are you like in 3rd grade or something?

LD: No. Why?

MD: Never mind. Continuing my questioning…

LD: Sorry to interrupt dear, but a new soul just came into this earth that has the exact qualities I’m looking for so I must run for now.

MD: Oh, hey, no problem. Talk later?

LD: Most definitely.

To be continued……

Oh, and for the record, there really was a conversation at my place of business about lesbian demons. It's what prompted this little incomplete Q & A. There are truly times when I actually say "WTF" in my head at the conversations I hear around here. *shaking head in dismay*

Later,

Mama Dawg

19 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Lula!

I would love to go to work with you one day...

I ask this in all sincerity--are you the only SANE one there?

Irish Gumbo

Funny, I have conversations with lesbian demons all the time...they are interesting. With all the free time I have, being home alone, I need to fill the hours somehow.

And I agree: boobs are fun! I am in the Rack Appreciation Corps, yes!

Heather

Boobs ARE fun.

sassy stephanie

I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm totally a boob woman. Bought me some NICE ones, too! And I'm totally straight. I admire the human form, male or female.

LOML....I say go for the cancer cure. FUCK CANCER!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher

I like the way your mind works.

So if your coworkers discuss lesbian demons, what are they calling the gay guys?

Robin

I hear the Lesbian Demon hangs out with Gay Beelzebub.
They're like, best friends. :)

Robin

I hear the Lesbian Demon hangs out with Gay Beelzebub.
They're like, best friends. :)

Robin

Crap. Sorry for the double comment. It was so nice, I posted it twice! :)

Jess

I halfway expected to see our conversations...whew!

This lesbian demon...yes, I think I may know her!

ChurchPunkMom

boobs. are. AWESOME.

jus' sayin'...

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures

haha I miss office conversations especially ones that are so ignorant they're funny

HeatherPride

That is some interesting water cooler talk right there. I think next time the subject comes up, you should tell them you actually had a conversation with the LD.

Krystal

If I were a fly on the wall of your office I could hear some of the most intersting conversations than those I hear here at work!

scargosun

That was an excellent convo. LD sound very interesting.

Captain Dumbass

Boobs are all kinds of awesome. How do I get some lesbian demons to haunt my house?

Swirl Girl

this is why i'd rather talk to my computer all day....I can turn it off anytime I want.

autumn

that was fun. lesbian demons huh? can't wait to hear the rest. it's hilarious that you were mentally making a post out of it.

Twenty Four At Heart

I showed you my boobs and you showed me yours. Boobs ARE fun!!

Teri

I am a fan of lesbians. And gays. And David Bowie. :-)

I took a class last semester called Queer Identities. Funny, we never talked about Lesbian Demons, only the demons who belittle lesbians. Oh, and my pet project in law school is getting the Same Sex Marriage bill PASSED here in the South. Yep, I have high aspirations.

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