Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap, Tap.....

....that's the sound you would hear if I was wearing heels and the floor wasn't carpeted. My leg is just tapping along 90 miles a minute.

I feel like jumping out of my own skin.

I hate this feeling. It's not an anxious feeling. It's a feeling that can only disappear by me turning off my computer and going home.

Maybe if I tap my heels together (instead of on the floor) 3 times and say "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home", I can magically find myself at home sitting outside on the swing or up on the hill doing some yard work or sitting on the porch picking my nose.

Anything's better than being at work on a Friday while it's GORGEOUS outside. I hate being cooped up. Why can't I find a job where I work outside? Ugghhh.....TGIF.

I need a beer or a shot of tequila or both.

Later,

Mama Dawg

Balderdash

Last Friday night, I went over to B & L’s house to see what was going on and to see if M and her sister, C, wanted to come over and play. B & L asked me if I wanted to go with them to the hunting club a few miles down the road. I called mom and she said she’d watch all three girls.

We got our drink on and went on over to the club. 2 other couples were there. I made the fifth (or technically, 7th) wheel but it was all good. There were a few kids there as well.

We arrived just in time to start playing Balderdash. Y’all, if you haven’t played this game, you need to. It is hilarious!!!! It’s basically a BS type of game.

You get a topic (such as dates, people, initials, etc….) and you have to make up a description for that topic. Example, if you chose to use the date 7/20/1969, the real answer is the date the first man walked on the moon. However, everyone but the Dasher (the person who chose the topic) has to make up a fake answer (or if you really know it, you can get points if you write down the real answer) and they all pass the answers to the Dasher. The Dasher then mixes them up and includes the real answer in the pile. The Dasher then reads the answers out loud and everyone has to place their guess on the real answer. You then score points based on which has the most popular answer.

Anyway, everyone came up with a few hysterical ones. My favorite one was the word: mystax.

The real answer had something to do with the hair near the mouth on an insect or some crap like that.

However, the best answer, hands down was this:

street slang hookers call their boobs

It took a minute for that to kick in but once it did, it was side splitting hilarious. It was almost worth giving a point to the person who came up with that. (for those of you still scratching their heads, pronounce it….my stacks….get it?)

The other good answer for that one was:

tax season in Russia

Pronounce it with a passable Russian accent and you see how funny it is. Or, I was just tipsy enough that it was hysterical. Who knows? All I know is that I found it funny.

There were two that had unbelievable answers that turned out to be the real answer.

The first one was the initials P.O.O.F.F.

It stands for:

Professional Oglers of Female Figures

Can you believe that? I mean, I can believe that people would want to do that, but to actually organize? Blows my mind. I wonder what the dues are like? Do they keep score of all the female figures they ogled? Are there monthly meetings? How do you prove that you actually ogled a female figure instead of just casually observed one? Seriously….if anyone knows anything about this organization, please let me know. If you’re a member of this organization, please let me know.

The other one was from a prior game that I did not participate in.

It was the person Timothy Hoare.

The real answer was:

Believe it or not, he owned a goose named Pinkey that did card tricks while blindfolded.

What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I have nothing else for that one. It was just weird.

L was observing the game while B played. B got up from the game for a few minutes so L had to take her place. As his answer, he wrote down: “I got it”. That’s it. Nothing else. It was written in green ink with a flower pen. Well, the flower was on it earlier in the evening but it somehow “mysteriously” fell off the flower when a guy was using it. Go figure. Needless to say, L didn’t score any points for that round. It was actually funnier when you were there. I guess it’s one of those stories. I think I’ll have it framed for him and will give it to him on his birthday.

I love games. Any type. Word games (Scrabble, Taboo, etc…), money games (Monopoly, Life, etc….), trivia (Trivial Pursuit, Scene It, etc…) and card games (Texas Hold ‘Em, rummy, gin, etc…).

I can’t wait for another game night at the hunting club.

Oh, yeah, I ended up winning the game by only like 1 point. However, I’ve jokingly been told that I’m not allowed to come play anymore since I was the newbie who won the game. At least…..I hope they’re joking!!!!

Later,

Mama Dawg

The One With the Deer

I got a phone call on Monday from my friend, B. She said her hubby, L, wanted her to call to see if I wanted to come see the deer he had shot that day.

Since I had to go over there anyway to drop something off, it was no big deal. Plus, I wanted to see what the fuss was all about. I had just left my grandma’s house after dropping of my aunt’s extra key to her house (she was moving and needed all the keys back). B’s house is right across the highway from me so I didn’t have to go out of my way (although I would have anyway). I had some milk in the car that I just bought at the store in town on my way in from work. I dropped by the house real quick to drop off the milk and to see if light of my life wanted to come with me. She did, but not to see the deer. She just wanted to play with M. She thinks dead animals are "icky". Sigh....how did I raise such a girly girl?

Anyway, I run over to the house and grab a glass of my wine that I had left over there the other night. I actually finished it off….shame on me! But, in my defense, there wasn’t much left. Just a glassful.

The deer was out in the shed and L had it on the hook(on a pulley) and it was raised off the floor. He had already started skinning it. My landlord was there already with his Bloody Mary in one hand and the digital camera in the other! A few minutes later, B joined us and about 5 minutes after that, P, R and their son C drove up to see the deer. It was a party! On a Monday night! With a dead deer as the main attraction! Whoo hoo!!!!!

It was a nice deer. It was a 10-point buck. For those of you who don’t know what that means (I never asked, just guessed when all the men-folk were talking), it means a male deer with a rack (antlers) that has 10 points in total on it. Points are the tines on the rack. Think of a fork. Most forks have 4 “tines” on it. Well, on an antler, there are “tines” on it as well. They just call them points. Lesson over. Its tongue was sticking out of its little dead mouth and his eyes were glassy. One rack was curved in a little but overall, it was a beautiful deer. Way to go, L!!!!!

I’m of two minds on hunting. There’s the animal lover in me that hates to see dead animals (even skunks on the side of the road….go figure cause they STINK to high heaven) but there’s the other part of me that is SOOOOOO curious about hunting.

I’d like to learn how to shoot a gun and then learn how to hunt. I’ve always been fascinated by guns and hunting, but living in the city all my life and not having a father figure since I was 9 (or ever, if I really stop to think about it), I never had the opportunity to learn.

It’s just the masculine side of me coming out, I guess. The same part of me that’s fascinated by hardware stores. I LOVE power tools and have a very small collection that I take care of and use quite often. My cordless drill/screwdriver combo is my favorite item.

Wow, I veered way off topic on that one. Started out talking about deer and then went to power tools!

I teased B & L and told them that when I lived in the city, my friend R would call to invite me to a new club or ethnic restaurant or movie, but that my friends here in the country call me to come see a dead deer.

My, my, how times have changed! Funny thing is, I’m equally fascinated by both scenarios. I feel at home at a swanky club or in a shed looking at dead animals. Hmmmm….probably bears looking in to, wouldn’t ya say?

Later,
Mama Dawg