Warning: Major Mind Dump

I’m feeling restless.

I don’t know why.

I’m feeling depressed.

I don’t know why.

I’m yearning for something.

I don’t know what.

Something I’ve never had.

Is that yearning?

I know it’s not missing.

For something to be missing, you had to have it in the first place.

I want a connection with someone.

I mean, a REAL connection.

Maybe that’s it.

Maybe I need to feel grounded.

I feel like I’m just floating along right now.

Gah, I hate feeling this way.

Of course, the iPod’s not helping in ANY way.

That may be contributing to the restless feeling.

I soooo need to get out of here.

A drink?

Maybe.

That might do it.

I need to see people I know.

Not family.

Other people.

People I haven’t seen in years (Jeff, are you there? For some reason, I’ve been missing you lately.)

I hate google.

It allows me to find people I haven’t thought of in years.

Then that leads me to feeling nostalgic.

Which leads me to the yearning feelings.

Can I cut off my head?

Or at least stop thinking so much?

I need change.

Not quarters.

Real change.

Can I GET any weirder?

Maybe.

Why has my viewing stats jumped up so much in the past week?

I haven’t changed anything.

I should hold a contest soon.

I have some stuff.

But, it’s kind of vacation themed.

And now’s not the time for vacations.

Usually.

I’m writing this on Monday, but posting on Tuesday.

I have to have continuity on my blog.

Who Would You Do on Mondays and nothing else.

Damn George Michael.

I’m leaving before this gets any weirder.

Stream of consciousness…sorry.

This is what I call a mind dump.

Maybe it’ll help.

Or turn all you off forever.

Sorry.

Later,

The One Where My Mind Went "Shut the Hell Up!"

(edit: found a picture of the cookie! yay me!)

I started a post about time travel yesterday.

I got a good bit done.

Then I started going off on tangents right in the middle of the post. My mind is much faster than my fingers (and I’m a pretty darn fast type-r, just ask my neighbors who call me to come over and type up stuff for them all the time) and I can’t keep up. Even though it’s MY OWN HEAD.

I have these moments of clarity and they’re there for a split second and I amaze the hell out of myself. Then, I get distracted by something as stupid as “what the hell ever happened to those shortbread cookies with the chocolate in the middle that those maddening elves used to make when I was a teenager”.

For real. I actually think about these cookies a lot.

Keebler used to make these shortbread cookies that had melty chocolate in the middle. I could literally consume a whole BAG of these in one sitting when I was a teenager. Along with 2 or 3 caffeine free diet cokes. And never gain an ounce.


(here's the infamous cookies...yummmmmmmmmmmm)

Yeah, karma’s a bitch. Have you SEEN me lately? They came back to haunt my hips and belly. Damn elves.

Then, this thought would lead to a thought such as “remember when you (yes, I talk to myself in my head like this…constantly) used to wake up in the middle of the night with an overwhelming thirst for caffeine free diet coke, so you’d go to the fridge in the middle of the night and consume a whole can while standing naked in front of the fridge where the only light source was the light from inside the refrigerator?”

And yes, when I was a teenager, I slept in the nude. I did this from about 15 til I got pregnant with Light of my Life.

Then that would lead to the thought of Danny Camargo who almost got busted by my mom for coming to my bedroom window to try to catch me sleeping in the nude. Stupid boy. I slept in my bed that was right next to the window with the blinds DOWN and SHUT. Like I’d ever tempt fate like that. Well, maybe once or twice, but still. I slept all burrowed down in the covers like a little hibernating bear.

Then that thought would lead to me remembering how I used to be afraid to sleep with any part of my body (with the exception of my head) out from under the covers. I used to be afraid that something would grab whatever body part was sticking out and drag me under the bed and dismember me and eat me bit by bit.

This fear lasted til well beyond my teen years.

Then that thought would lead to the first horror movie I ever watched. It was "Poltergeist". I was 7. I had an old TV in my room and it was showing on a regular channel one night. It was the one and only time I ever saw that movie. All I remember are a jumble of thoughts. A marionette, a GIANT white ghost like spider, hands and arms coming up out of the ground and then the TV screen going black with that little white start that finally disappears in the middle of the screen.

Then that thought leads to “I recently saw two shooting stars and made a wish”.

Then that leads to “Damn, my wishes never come true”.

Then I had to get up and go to the bathroom and I had a WHOLE slew of new thoughts and forgot ALL of them once I got back to my desk.

All this in the span of like 5 minutes.

No wonder I’m exhausted all the time.

This is the exact reason I like to watch TV and movies and read books.

Oooohhh, “It’s Tricky” by Run DMC just came on my iPod.

Whatever happened to them?

What was that flashing outside?

Who was that that just waved at me through the window?

Where’s my gum?

Did I eat my cookie already?

What the hell did I start off writing about anyway?

Later,