Heaven Discussion

I had to tell light of my life yesterday that Teddy died. It broke her heart. There were tears and hugging and some laughing (in memory of Teddy's antics) and more crying.

I had discovered his little body on Sunday night but it was way too dark to bury him but I couldn't leave his little carcass in the cage in the house or outside (cause something bigger would have carted him off).

So, I wrapped him in an old washcloth, double wrapped him in a Ziploc bag and put him in the freezer.

Yes, I had a hamster Popsicle in my freezer.

Anyway, I told light of my life we'd bury him near the fish and the baby mice. My mom made a little cross out of Popsicle sticks and light of my life wrote his name, date of death and "I Love You" on it.

She wanted one last look at him (brave girl). However, when she saw him, it made her break in to tears all over again.

I quickly buried him and put a heavy metal disc on top of the grave (to prevent bigger animals, mostly dogs, from digging him up). I stuck the cross in and went back to her.

I let her sleep with me last night. Before she fell asleep she wanted to talk. We talked about death. I explained how his dying wasn't her fault or mine but that it was just his time to go. Things in nature die all the time and that everyone and everything has to die at some time. That's what makes the world go round. The whole "Circle of Life" thing, you know.

Then she asked me about Heaven.

Now I'm officially lost.

See, I've got conflicted feelings on religion and heaven and hell and all that jazz.

My beliefs are so out of whack and don't make sense and they change all the time.

So, I don't know what to tell her.

I basically break it down and tell her (this is the coward's way out, but this was too deep a discussion to have at 9:15 pm) that Heaven is what you believe it to be. If you want to believe that Heaven is a castle in the clouds with God sitting on a throne, than that's what you can believe. If you believe it is sitting in a diner eating apple pie all day while watch the Yankees, you can believe that.

Then she said something so profound that I literally couldn't say anything for about a minute.

She said, "I think Heaven is like a window and you get to watch the world and everyone in it all day long."

She's 8....going on 88 some days.

So full of wisdom. Sometimes she says things that make me feel so small and insignificant (in a good way, not a bad way) and she really humbles me.

No wonder I'm in love with her. I don't just love her, I like her and worship her and believe in her. She is my light, my heart, my soul.

And I hate that she's hurting right now.

When I go home tonight, I think we'll have a marathon card playing session of Zeus on the Loose and Sleeping Queens.

Later,

Mama Dawg