Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My Haunted Car

My car is haunted.

I know this to be a fact.

So is my uterus.

But that's another story.

This story is about my haunted car.

Except it's gonna be a short story cause I have the attention span of a gnat. (nat? knat? mnat?)

I have a weird history with cars. Well, it's not really weird, I'm just trying to draw you in to the story.

My first car was a 1991 Geo Storm. My mom decided it was time to get herself a new car...she got a Camaro...I think I got the short end of the stick on that deal. It was teal in color and I called her the "Teal Mobile". Yeah, you can now bow down to my creative genius. Accolades more than welcome.

I was a Coca-Cola freak. Not to drink, but to collect...memorabilia, I mean. I loved to collect all things Coke.

I had a Coke vanity plate that went on the front of my baby. I had the requisite crap hanging from my rear view mirror that expressed how truly cool I was. In my case, I put up things that "made me stand out" from the normal pack of too cool for school teenagers. I had a turtle charm on a string that an ex-boyfriend gave me, I had a Mardi Gras necklace that I caught by flashing my boobies did not catch but thought was cool and some other pseudo cool stuff.

I LOVED that car. It was tiny and tight and I could hug corners like nobody's business. Plus...it was teal. Such a gorgeous color. I loved being the one that picked up all my friends and took them places. I loved filling up the gas tank (remember when putting in $5 could get you...well...farther than it could now?) and checking the oil level.

When I was about 18 or so, the engine failed completely and instead of getting a new car, mom had a rebuilt engine put in. This took care of the problem and got me 5 more years out of the car.

I had this car all through my teen years and up until after my child was born. I went back to work at 8 weeks after having her via c-section. About 2 weeks after I had returned to work, I was running errands on my lunch break and pulled into a drugstore parking lot. As I was driving straight in the parking lot to get to the store's parking section, a truck that was parked in a side space backed straight out right after the front of my car passed the back of his. As a result, he hit me on my right rear panel and spun my teeny tiny car 180 degrees. All I can say is, thank goodness light of my life was not in the car at the time or you would have seen a VERY pissed off and ape-shit Mama Dawg.

My beautiful baby was totaled and I had to have therapy to get over my fear of driving. Yes, I had some issues after this accident. Physically, even though I was 10 weeks post-partum, I was fine. But whenever I drove, out of my peripheral, I would see imaginary cars driving straight towards me and I would freak out. I would either slam on the brakes or have an anxiety attack in the car. I had to have therapy to help me get over this. Of course, it didn't help that I was under so much stress being a newly separated single mom with a newborn baby. But, I digress.

As a result of the accident, my Teal Mobile (this is not my car, but a picture of one that looks like mine...except mine was cooler!) was totaled. I got about $2000 for it but was able to get it fixed for about $1000 due to some connections I had...yeah, I'm cool like that.

This would have naturally bought me some more time with my beloved vehicle, but while it was being repaired, mom and I discovered that it was easier for us to car pool to work. We both worked at the same company and she didn't mind going to the daycare before and after work to pick up her beloved granddaughter. She's seriously ga-ga for this kid.

We got so used to this that my Teal Mobile was rarely ever driven. It got to the point that it would no longer run and due to some cracks somewhere, it got all mildew-y and moldy inside.

Hurricane Katrina came along and with that, an opportunity arose for us to get rid of the car for good. A friend of a friend came along and towed it out of the back yard where it had resided all moldy and white trash-y for 5 years.

While I was evacuated, I decided to put on my big girl panties (no, not the ones with the stretch marks...the peach silk ones) and plunk down my hard earned tax return on a new car.

Turns out, I couldn't afford a new one so I got the next best thing...a used one. Yep...a car that's been sat in and used by God knows who.

I remember being in the lot and a really, really young guy approached me to assist me in my purchase. He was so young, he was the Doogie Howser of car salesmen.

Y'all remember Doogie? I loved Doogie.

Eh-hmm...back to my story.

He tried to talk me into a GOLD IMPALA. Seriously, what screams southern white chick who can't sing or dance or is even remotely cool, like a GOLD IMPALA?

Yeah, I managed to talk him out of that one.

Instead, I got a 2005 Pontiac Grand Am V-6 dark grey in color. Not too shabby. It gets great highway gas mileage but crappy city mileage. All in all, not a bad car.

I purchased this in April of 2006. In August of 2006, some IDIOT woman ran a red light and hit my car on the front left side. Yeah, that was fun. I had a strained shoulder and was again scared poopless but this time I managed to get through the trauma without the help of a therapist.

My car was in the shop for a long time. It was almost totaled. Which would have sucked because at that point, I had only made 5 payments on it.

It was fixed and things were well. One day, I was cleaning out the car and was shoving my hands in the crack where the back of the seat meets the seat bottom in the back of the car. Lo and behold, guess what I discovered?

This and this (except mine had weights in grams on it).

Yeah, my baby's tushie had been sitting mere inches away from an instrument of death and a shit colostomy bag.

When I took them in to work to show them to some of my co-workers, one of them mentioned that it was drug paraphernalia.

First of all, WTF? What is this kind of crap and what is it doing in MY car? After doing a little research, I found out that my "new" car was a car that was used by a "businessman" that traveled a lot between Mississippi and Florida. Hmmm.....I wonder what "business" he was in? To this day, I'm scared to get into another accident. Who knows that kind of "substances" I'll find next time.

Of course, with today's economy, I'd be better off selling it and making sh*tloads of money...but that would be illegal and I'm not about that. Weeeellllll....nope, I'm not about that.

Second of all, who knows crap like that? Needless to say, that told me a LOT about that particular co-worker (which explained SO MUCH) and her extra-curricular activities.

I guess you're probably asking yourself at this point, "Self, when is Mama Dawg going to get to the part that has to do with the actual title of her post".

Well, I'll tell you.

Ever since the accident, if I'm driving by myself in the car, I will sometimes feel this "phantom" kick in my lower back. You know, the kind that comes from little kids repeatedly kicking the back of your seat?

Yeah, I feel that. I keep thinking it's all in my head but it happens too often and with so much force that I can't go on thinking it's all in my head.

So, I've come to the conclusion that my car is haunted. And I think it's haunted by the ghost of my beloved Teal Mobile because, what other explanation is there? I think it's getting me back for the years of neglect and forgetfulness and selfish behavior.

Seriously, I'm asking, what other explanation is there? Randy squirrel stuck in the seat? More drug paraphernalia that's moving around? Ticking time bomb a la "Squirrel and Moose"? (for those of you that didn't get that, I'm referencing Rocky and Bullwinkle).

Sigh...such is my life.

Later,

Mama Dawg

21 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

LiteralDan

My go-to response to inexplicable situations (or situations I feel too lazy to explic) is that something is haunted. So this fits right in there with that.

Case closed. Next!

P.S. If I were you, I'd buy a helicopter and skip cars altogether-- you're clearly a target.

Mama Dawg

Yeah, that's my go-to response as well.

LOL! Yeah, I feel that way sometimes!

Man, I'd love a helicopter.

Lula!

I want a haunted car...because really, that sounds so cool. Maybe I want a car given to me by a vampire. Maybe I'm a little caught up in THE book being released next Saturday...I kinda have vamps on the brain.

Wait, what were YOU saying?

Oh yes. Teal Mobile. That is so hard rockin'. First of all, we were obviously in high school about the same time because I SALIVATED over teal Geo Storms. I wanted one desperately. Instead I drove my dad's old 1970 VW Fastback...standard-H, "4 in the floor," with no a/c or radio, but lots of spunk. I'm sorry it was totaled...one day that particular car will be a collector's item. Mark my words.

Mama Dawg

Oh, Lula! With our shared love of 80's music, vampires and Geo Storms, I knew we were meant to be together (in a bloggie way).

Mom Taxi Julie

Ok you aren't going to believe this but I have the SAME THING happen. And the ghost travels with me from car to car. It first happened in my old Saturn and now sometimes in my new car and one time when I was with a coworked in a company vehicle.

Mama Dawg

Julie-LOL! Seriously? Is this what I have to look forward to?

Heather

You guys are FREAKING me out with all this haunted car talk. Stop it...stop it right now!! THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS GHOSTS....right?

Mama Dawg

Heather-nope. They exisist. C'mon. You lived in LA...you know they do!

Rhea

Freaky. You gave me shivers. I just bought a new-to-me car about two months ago...so far no hidden stashes or phantom kicks...I'll let you know...

Mama Dawg

Rhea-I think the possibility of a hidden stash bothers me more!

Rhea

Better hope no drug-sniffing dogs show up next time you're pulled over...

Mama Dawg

I KNOW!!!!! That's one of my fears.

Debbie

First of all, let me just say this out LOUD....GOLD IMPALA....
HEEHEEHEEEHEEEHHEEEE...that is huh-larious.

Second of all, ditch the car. Tomorrow. NO, NOW. It gives me the creeps what with all those "tools" in there and phantom kicks.

Ccrreeepy....

Mom2FiveBratz

Someone probably left their kid in the car and he/she died and its now haunting the car because said child doesnt know he/she is dead.

It happens.

greedygrace

I was going to say the same thing that mom2fivebratz said, except I was going to put a funny spin on it. Guess there's no way to make that funny. And now I'm creeping myself out.

The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking about the insurance conversation we had today, and I was sure that you were going to say "be sure to hit up greedygrace if you have any insurance issues."
I have a disease called all-roads-must-lead-back-to-Lisa.

Kat

The first car I ever bought was a teal Geo Prizm. Loved that teal :-)

And along the lines of your car "treasures" - I needed to get a small weight and measure set for homeschooling. And I really didn't want a plastic one. I was telling my MIL this...and she said had one. It was perfect. Great scale. Metal. Very sturdy. I asked her where she got it...said there was some car going really fast through their neighborhood - and they threw it out the window.

Uh-huh...I am using a dealers scale for my homeschool math and science classes. Amuses me every time!

Complaint Department Manager

"I was a Coca-Cola freak"

I still am, but Coke Zero and I drink the hell out of it. I'm sure the added phosphorus in my blood stream will make me glow in the dark eventually.

Oddly enough, I had a green Camaro. It wasn't teal, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Trooper Thorn

I finally got rid of my 1991 Jeep Cherokee three months ago. I loved that car, but not as much as I hated shopping for a new one.

Glad you survived all your rapid auto introductions.

Heather

No, I'm not here to talk about ghosts. I came back to tell you that I get so excited for Villains to premier every time I see your counter. LOVE love love that show.

Mama Dawg

Debbie-I know. It took everything I had not to laugh when he tried to sell it to me.

Mom 2 5-That was my exact thought.

greedygrace-I didn't even think of that! I should have! That would have been funny!

Kat-yeah, something about a teal Geo makes me all gooey inside. I love it! A dealers scale for your homeschool math and science class. You can't make that stuff up!

CDM-If you start glowing in the dark, take a picture. I'll photoshop it into a picture of my car and you can be my ghost. My mom's camero was green.

Trooper Thorn-I loved Jeep Cherokees growing up.I always wanted one when I turned 16. Then I inherited the Teal Mobile and that was it for me.

Heather-I LOVE HEROES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sassy stephanie

ha ha ha. I had one of those cars once. I was the seller, though, not the buyer. I sold it to one of my dad's friends...he was giving it a little TLC to give it to his mother in law or something. When he was detailing it, he found a doobie doobie doo left in the ashtray in the back seat. Whew. Glad my dad reads my blog and not yours.

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