Shhh....I Won't Say A Word

I don’t know if you can tell or not, but my blog has taken a turn for the…worse? better? strange? bizarre?

It’s that darn MamaKat over at Mama’s Losin’ It.

She has this writer’s workshop thingie she does.

I’ve known about it for a while but haven’t participated because I’m not that creative with my words.

Plus, I usually have to have a “feeling” about what I’m going to write. I started this blog off by writing about my weekend or the tiny town I live in or my daughter. I never had any feelings about what I was going to write.

It’s grown into something much stranger since then.

I still talk about that kind of stuff, but the creativity has kicked in.

I will never claim that it’s “good” writing. Cause, quite frankly, it’s not.

But, I’m not out to win any awards or anything.

Back to the workshop.

One of last week’s choices struck a chord in me and I wrote that post about the glass on the edge of the table.

I felt compelled to write it that way. Something in me just burst out and forced me to type that out.

I have NO clue where it came from.

Again, it’s not good. But, that’s not the point of writing, is it?

Then, I had this bizarre idea for a guest post for Captain Dumbass.

I’ve never written anything like that before.

I have those kinds of thoughts. I have them all the time.

I have all sorts of thoughts in my head.

Which leads me to the title of my post.

I have secrets.

Dark secrets.

Dirty secrets.

Shameful secrets.

Secrets I’ve NEVER shared with ANYONE. Not even on the ‘net with all it’s anonymity.

Secrets that are mine alone.

I also have secrets that a few people know about.

Most, my mother doesn’t know.

Most, my neighbor (Hi, L!) doesn’t know.

Most, you don’t know.

I’ve never had the desire to share my secrets with more than a few choice people. People I know could keep their mouths shut. People I had “secrets” on so I had a source of blackmail (as it were) if they were to ever talk.

Sounds bad, right?

It is.

Most of my secrets are of a certain nature.

Before you all freak out, none of them are illegal.

At least, not in most states.

I’m sure a few are illegal in some states.

I also have bad thoughts.

Real dark thoughts.

Real dirty thoughts.

Real shameful thoughts.

And because I don’t tell anyone these thoughts or secrets, I have to know.

Am I the only one?

Cause it feels that way sometimes.

I know that statistically speaking, I’m not the only one.

My thoughts are not original to me.

Before we go further, I’m not looking for absolution.

I don’t know why I said before we go further since I’m really not.

Except……

….something in me wants me to write down some stuff.

But……

…..I can’t do that.

Cause as much as I claim to NOT care what people think of me…I do.

To a degree.

My life wouldn’t end if people thought badly of me.

But it would hurt for a bit.

I’d eventually get over it.

Cause that’s how I roll.

Sigh…….

As Audrey asked in Breakfast at Tiffany’s:

“You know those days when you get the mean reds?”

Yeah, I got them.

Later,