Thursday, November 6, 2008

A Really Crappy Poem

This poem is part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop that she hosts over at her blog.

One of the assignment choices was to write a rhyming or non-rhyming 16 line poem about an incident in my childhood that changed my life for the better.

While I had many incidents like that, this one stood out in my mind.

And yes, it did change my life for the better. I can now look at a man's pee-pee without going "ew". If that's not a check in the positive column, I don't know what is.

And for the record, I was 7 in 1984, so don't go calling the cops on me and screaming "Pervert at Mama Dawg's". Cause while that may be true now, it wasn't then. I was only 7.

Please, hold your applause and accolades until the bitter end. Only cause it really doesn't get any better and I'd hate for you to expend all your energy at the beginning only to have to do it all again at the end.

Without any further delays (you really need to beg me to delay this cause it's really THAT bad) here's my poem:

I think that I shall never see
Another boys wee pee-pee

Like the one I saw
Back in eighty-four

That belonged to Chad
Who was oh, so bad

But was an awesome dude
Who while rough and crude

Was my best friend
Til it had to end

Because he dropped trou
And I didn’t go “wow”

But instead went “ew”
And then I threw

A pinecone at his head
And now he’s dead.


P.S. And as far as I know, he's not really dead.

P.S.S. And no, this isn't the Chad we all know and love and goes by another name on his blog. Completely different people. I think. Unless he's been lying to me all this time. Have you been lying to me all this time?

28 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Middle Aged Woman

First! I think he's been lying to you all this time.


The real question is, did you scar Chad for life by your comment on his wee-wee?


Lol that was cute!


Too funny...l. "dropping trou and getting a pinecomb thrown at his head"... now that's a sight!!

Jennifer and Sandi

Hahahaha That was Way Fun!!

Captain Dumbass

I. Did. Not. Drop trou. With. That. Woman. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that one. Not that I haven't had a pine cone thrown at my head before. Wait, which...never mind.

Mama Dawg

LOL! I knew you'd answer in some way.

This kid's name was Chad Hartzog from Mississippi. I think you're in the clear, buddy!


Nice one. I think we have all had similar incedents in childhood.


Love it!!


ahahaha! YES! :)


Remind me again? were 7 or was that on your wedding night?

(so you're "eat me". following out)

Mama Dawg

Brilliant comment Tattoo. Just fuckin' brilliant.

And yes, that's me. And yes, I'm watching my ass on twitter now that you're following me. I'm scared....NOT! (see, further proof I was 7 at one point)


Poor Chad. Who probably is in therapy to this day. But serves him right for dropping trou :-)

Sometimes Sophia

Pinecone? Very funny.

Unless he'd had the urge to pee,
I'd say it was too small to see.

Mama Dawg

Oh, yeah, sophia, that's what I'm talking about.

Swirl Girl

if you had thrown the cone at his wee-wee, it would have stuck and that would suck...'cuz everyone knows in the layered gap, a pinecone contains so much sap!

not a poet - and don't I know it!

Mama Dawg

Swirl girl, this is why I heart you.

Trooper Thorn

Throw in a verse about drinking and you've got yourself a Gretchen Wilson song!

J Cosmo Newbery

I thought I saw Chad in therapy recently...


I had something clever to say, then I read Swirl Girl's poem and any clever I had shot right out the window. Dangit.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher

That's some pretty funny stuff. You had me scared at the end, glad the add on let us know he wasn't dead.


What an intro to peepees.


I totally thought he was dead... I was thinking Owen Meany and the baseball... I'm glad you didn't kill him...and that you're no longer grossed out by pee pees.

sassy stephanie

Damn. Why have you been hiding these skills from the world?

steenky bee

Hey! I've had a Chad like that in my life too. If I only had a pine cone handy. All I had was a mallot. Poor guy.



I've seen you everywhere, and finally found your blog through phhst's most recent post. You have her to thank for me being here :p.

Yay! I already love your blog. And your post about visiting the Captain.

OK, I've just added you to reader so I'll never lose you again. :D

Mama Kat

I hope my daughters have enough sense to throw pinecones...nasty boy.


Having been hit by a pinecone myself in the past (but if in such a context, only because I was mistaken for a boa constrictor handler with evil intents), I can all but assure you this young man is indeed dead, and the fault lies squarely with you.

You can atone for this sin by sending me some money.

(If this works, I may be obliged to start my own church.)

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