Wednesday, June 3, 2009

How Big Is It?

When I first got Captain Dumbass's guest post and saw these words in it, I thought for a second...."oh, no, I'm not really THAT kind of blog". Because you see, he's been threatening forEVER to show me how big it really is. You can see where I'd be worried. Because, really, who wants to see his big BICYCLE? Not me, that's who. When I actually took the time to finish reading the post, I wiped my brow with relief and then started thinking about how long it would take me to build a polar bear pen. I think with my neighbor's help, we can turn the silo down the road into a pen. Yeah, that'd do it. For your entertainment pleasure, I present Captain Dumbass (or as my daughter likes to call him "Captain Dumb-you-know-what") of Us & Them.

Here I am in the South and my two favourite Southern Belles aren't even here. Just my luck. Oh well, I hope they're having fun in Disneyland. Disneyworld? Probably Disneyworld. Whatever, I didn't get to go. But, Mama Dawg did ask if I'd guest post and that was a long (as in plenty of time to do this and why leave it 'til the last minute) time ago so it's time to shake the coconut and see what comes out.

Mmmm... ya, nothing. That's usually what happens when I have to guest post. It's the pressure of having to come up with something entertaining on somebody else's blog. Performance anxiety. What? Hmm... well, I guess I should thank her for the gift she sent me and my boys. Hersey's Chocolate Peanut Butter topping for ice cream. Yum! It's awesome on ice cream. Or if you pour it straight in your mouth because you don't have any ice cream in the house and can't wait until you do. At least that's what I heard...

I jokingly told Mama Dawg that I'd send her a polar bear or a baby seal in return, but she thought the polar bear would be a great idea. Sigh. Well, I did say I'd do it. I wanted to make sure she understood what she was getting though. Sure they're soft and pretty, but this isn't Jessie the squirrel we're talking about. I told her how much they weigh and how big they get, but most people can't visualize something like that without a picture. Lucky for me I found a book at the library that combines pictures to give you perspective on things. It's called "How Big Is It?". Anyway, here's what an adult polar bear looks like beside some very tall humans.




That's 3.7 metres or twelve feet of polar bear standing on his hind legs. I don't know how big your doors are, MD, but I think he'll have to stay outside. They average between 800 to 1500 pounds, but the biggest one ever measured topped out at over 2200 pounds, and because I love you, MD, I'm going to find you the biggest one I can.

There are lots of other really cool pictures in this book as well, like how big a giant squid is, or how big the Hindenburg really was. Ever wonder just how big the asteroid that took out the dinosaurs was?



That's New York under that rock. It was about six miles across and hit the Earth at about 45,000 miles per hour. It punched straight through the Earth's crust into the magma below. You can see why the party ended for T.Rex.

Just how big were glaciers during the ice age? This is what Chicago would look like with an ice cube 2 miles thick creeping up on it. Luckily we don't have to worry about this again for few thousand years.



I hope you're having a good time, Mama Dawg, and I really hope you enjoy the present because the paper work was unbelievable.

PS. You should probably bring home a large quantity of seal meat or possibly a small whale. Forgetting to feed him would be a mistake.

21 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Kristine

Holy crap, those pictures are kind of terrifying. I'm not sure if I can curse over here, so I'll leave it at that.

Did you hear about the polar bear/grizzly hybrid? True story.

Bobby G

WOW those pics are cool as hell!

Michele

That is so cool you went to the library. Yeah, leave it to me to pick up on that line. Very cool book.

Have a good time Mama Dawg. I wouldn't worry too much about the polar bear. Customs will charge too much duty to get him across the border.

lizspin

You rock, Dumbass!

Middle Aged Woman

My kids call you Captain Dumbass, but then, they're teenagers. They call everyone that.

Kat

I think Captain Dumbass is sending me the seals...sorry mama dawg, The Man requested them!

Jaden Paige

Those pictures are freakin awesome! Looks like a fun book :)

Melanie D

That's one big Freaking polar bear!!!! And I so need to get that book!

Captain Dumbass

Where's my mint julep!?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher

Performance anxiety works well for you. Now I want that book..

Jess

I still just want a fox. Or a lemur. Or a lama.

jerlyn

ah Mama Dawg, nice to read your
post again. Did Cpt. Dumbass
tell u there were polar bears
where he lives! Shame, course
there are one or 2 in the ZOO
down there. Might be the fact that he's now a year old, and the mind starts to slip...
Loved the other pics
take care

Comedy Goddess

Thanks for the perspective. That polar bear, OMG!

Jennifer and Sandi

Polar Bear Yikes! Maybe, Captain D will help ya build that pole barn you'll be needing to house it.!!

Hope you 2 are enjoying Disneyworld!

Happy Wednesday!

- Jennifer

sassy stephanie

Soooo, who paid to ship this puppy? Did you send it COD?

Sprite's Keeper

Day-uhm! I need to get me a polar bear! He'll probably eat the dogs, but my house will never be looked at cross-eyed!

Larkin

I want a polar bear now. I have 15 foot doors...ok not really. I don't even have a garage. I'll take a seal, a goat, a llama, a for and a lemur.

I think I need more beer. And I want that book.

The Stiletto Mom

I need that book! I love looking at stuff like that. I'm thinking now that I don't want that full grown polar bear as a pet anymore though...

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy

Those are effing cool pictures! Is the polar bear one for real?

Casey

So I'm already a paranoid person and those shots kind of freaked me out.

mo.stoneskin

I had no idea there cities in the time of the T-Rex. Think I need to read up on the Jurassic period.

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