Thursday, December 11, 2008

Writer's Workshop

This assignment was "What would you say to a mouse who could talk?"

Mama Dawg: WTF? I can not believe a damn mouse has gotten in my drawers again! This is like the 20th damn mouse.

Mouse: Excuse me. Please don’t cuss. My ears are sensitive to negativity and your cussing just makes it worse.

MD: ?

M: Don’t look at me with that stupid expression on your face. You’ve suspected for years that animals could talk. Or at least understand.

MD: ?

M: Yeah, hello * waves tiny paw in face * you there. I’m talking to you.

MD: You spoke.

M: Um, yeah. I think I just went over that. What are you, stupid?

MD: And you insulted me!

M: There we go. There’s the famous Mama Dawg all us mice have grown to know and love.

MD: I’m famous?

M: For sure. All members of the animal community conversate.

MD: Conversate isn’t a real word.

M: You have a talking mouse in front of you and all you can think to do is correct my grammar?

MD: Sorry, habit. I have an 8 year old, you know.

M: Yes, I do know. She’s cute.

MD: Thanks!

M: So….. * twiddles fingers *….how ya doin’?

MD: Good, and you?

M: Doing real well, actu….

MD: Wait a minute. I’m pissed at you.

M: Come again?

MD: You know perfectly well what I’m talking about. I’ve had to throw out about 6 sweaters and a couple of shirts from where you’ve either shit so much on them that the stains are forever set or you’ve chewed massive holes in inappropriate places.

M: Language, dear, language.

MD: Um, in case you haven’t noticed, this is MY house. And I’ve already killed like bazillions of you already in those death traps.

M: Also, please don’t exaggerate, it’s not becoming.

MD: Uh, whatever. Seriously, what’s up with all the chewing?

M: It’s simple my dear. We like your laundry detergent. It’s got a lovely aftertaste. Especially when combined with a cotton blend.

MD: Really? That’s why you guys do it.

M: No. We’re mice, stupid. It’s what we do.

MD: Oh, yeah? Um…I got nothing.

M: Yeah, that’s what I thought bee-yotch. Now, go get me some cheese.

MD: * walks away grumbling * F*&%ing mouse.

M: I heard that!

MD: * comes back with some cheese on a wooden rectangular “plate *

MD: Here you go, some fresh Gouda on a platter.

M: That’s better. Utensils?

MD: Seriously?

M: But of course. We ARE civilized mice.

MD: Well, I don’t have any tiny enough to fit in your paws.

M: Fine, I’ll just walk on up to the cheese and eat it with my paws.

MD: Knock yourself out.


M: * starts yanking on cheese with tiny paws *

M: What’s up with this cheese. I can’t pull it o……SNAP


MD: Who’s the stupid bee-yotch now?

Later,

Mama Dawg

P.S. This little writing exercise was brought to you by Mama Kat. For more stories and posts, click here.

23 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Cocotte

And I get freaked out when they're in the garage.......

Vodka Mom

I HATE mice.

Rhea

You are so sneaky. I didn't even realize that was trap. That was one mouthy little rodent, sheesh!

And I knew it. I always knew animals could talk!

sassy stephanie

Good one. It's what we do. Love it.

You are so like me. I correct grammar left and right. And then set a great example by cussing like a sailor.

Me, You, or Ellie

Ha! Sucka.

Ellie

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures

The only reason I bought my cat last Spring was because I thought I saw a mouse in my garage...turned out it was a chipmunk...and I still have the stupid cat! : )

Brandy

That's what he gets! I hate mice. In my house. Yuck.

Jennifer and Sandi

I hate Mice. So that's how one spells Bee-Yotch!!!! Thanks!

Have a super day!

- Jennifer

Kelly

HAHAHA!! Love it!! I didn't do the writing assiagnment this week! I skipped class-don't tell anyone! I decided to go to sleep at 9pm instead.

ChurchPunkMom

i love mice... so cute, so cuddly, so.. wtf was that scurrying under the table?! *scream*

blueviolet

Such a cute story; loved it!
doot65{at}comcast[dot]net

Summer

Funny! Mice suck!

Captain Dumbass

Good work, MD, now leave his corpse somewhere the others can see as an example.

Trooper Thorn

Geez. Remind me never to get on your bad side. Good thing they don't make a man-sized mouse trap. Oh, wait. They did. I think it was called the IROC.

Krystal

Dude - you were calmer than I would have been. I would have been screaming and chasing after it with a broom!

Diane

So far I'm the only one who hasn't off-ed the mouse. You people are violent.

goodfather

Excellent! Happy ending and everything :D.

Sometimes Sophia

Sassy mouse you have there. Great dialogue. I'm very thankful I don't have mice in my clothes closet. (That would really gross me out.) The kitchen, basement and garage I can deal with. We just moved into a house that was vacant last winter and are expecting many mousy visitors this winter. Whatever. Thanks for visiting my blog.

Irish Gumbo

Way to punk that bee-yotch mouse!

I'll bet he won't have the balls to do that again!

Maki

This story was indeed cute and funny.. The conversation with the mice was so clever!!

starrlife

One word for you- CAT!

jerlyn

You cheered me up, what a great
story, or did it really happen,
I'm up to believing anything right
now. Did the mouse survive?
Were you charged as a Mousassin?
I'll come out and bail you out,
adopted daughter.
l

Pseudonymous High School Teacher

I can't believe you killed a talking mouse mama. I can't believe I thought it was funny. LOL

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