Who Burned My Effin' Sausage? Oh, Yeah...

This weeks Writer’s Workshop had a prompt that asked us to talk about a favorite winter memory.

Now, I’m sure I have some that are sweet and mushy and all that.

But the one that stands out in my head is the one where I almost burned down the house and ruined Christmas for EVERYONE including my little cousin who was desperately waiting for Santa Claus to come visit her.

Don’t ask me the year. I’m too old to remember the 1990’s.

Not really, but I seriously don’t remember what year it was. They’re all mixed up in my head.

The usual tradition for our family is to go to my grandmother’s house for Christmas.

Back when we lived in Florida and New Orleans, this would normally mean that we would STAY with my grandmother.

Now, for all you Yankees and hottie Canadians, I don’t want you snorting your Starbuck’s and Tim Horton’s through your nose when I tell you what I’m about to tell you.

It got cold here one year.

Yep…it got so cold…the pipes FROZE and our electricity was cut off due to a storm.

All we had in the house to keep us warm was a large free standing wood burning heater.

Yes, wood-burning.

Yes, free standing.

Yes, this was our ONLY heat source.

So, we’re all in the house and it’s breakfast time.

If you know Mama Dawg, you know she likes her pig. Preferably in the sausage variety. Preferably at breakfast time in the links variety.

I had gone and gotten a pie tin and put a few sausage links in it but of course, no microwave or stove to heat it up.

So, bright idea….I’d set the pie tin on top of the free standing wood burning stove and let it heat up that way. And, while it was heating up, I’d go outside and find a quiet spot to take care of bidness (cause when the pipes are frozen, you can’t flush…for real), leaving the sausage all by its lonesome on top of the free standing wood burning heater.

Brilliant, right?

WRONG!

Why, oh, why, did no one ever tell me (cause I was a teenager and couldn’t figure this shit out for myself for some reason) that sausage produces it’s own grease? Even after it’s already been cooked?

And that if you add something that has grease in it to a hot object, the grease melts and begins to pop?

And that if it happens to pop inside the free standing wood burning heater, it would cause smoke like you’ve never seen before come roiling out of the top like Dementors Gone Wild?

Yeah…….that’s my story about how I almost ruined Christmas for everyone.

Luckily, we found it in time and were able to stop the smoke and the beginnings of the flames.


Needless to say, Mama Dawg didn’t get her sausage that day (that’s what she said…that was for the MIA Steenky Bee).

Later,

Mama Dawg

P.S. If you wanna read more stories, go on over to Mama Kat's for more.