Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Cautionary Christmas Tale by Dave and Bob

Dave and Bob decided that they wanted to go out and cut down their own Christmas trees for their families at a local tree farm. They trudged through many, many acres of trees and saw a stand of trees far off in the distance that looked perfect.

Dave and Bob made their way to said trees and stood around admiring them in all their glory.




All of a sudden, Bob said, "Dave, do you smell something? Holy crap, what's that stomping noise?"


Dave, being clueless as usual, heard and smelled nothing and continued on admiring the trees.


A shadow looms over the dandy duo as they start to get out their equipment.



Suddenly, Bob feels something rather large breathing down his neck. He turns and sees Missy the Moose bearing down on their rather tiny bodies.
Bob starts screaming like a little bitch, "Run Dave, for God's sake, run like the wind."



Alas, Dave wasn't quite quick enough. As Bob stood there screaming like a little girl at Dave, "Run to the fucking trees, you moron!", Missy the Moose raises her rather large size 400 hoof and proceeds to step on Dave's head.




Bob just stands there in disbelief. His friend had just been stepped on by a rather disproportional moose that had an idiotic grin on her face.



Moral of the story:


Don't let Mama Dawg get within ten feet of a camera when she's been making a bazillion cupcakes for various parties and there are all sort of goodies in the kitchen that she can play with. Especially keep her away from icing, die cut sprinkles and giant mooses (moosi? moose?) that, no kidding, shit jelly beans.


Later,


Mama Dawg

23 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Diane

Ha! A little too much time in the kitchen? Do you cook with gas? Maybe it's the fumes! lol

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Kat

Bwahahahahahaha!

Jess

Very lovely story. LMAO! I too have some of those lovely animal jelly bean shittin toys...I love them!

Middle Aged Woman

I think Captain Dumbass's cheese men are somehow the parents of Dave and Bob. Has the family been informed of the demise of Dave?

Irish Gumbo

"Screaming like a little bitch" - a new Christmas slogan, brought to you by the makers of Bawlmark Hollaback Cards! (music: We wish you a merry Bitchmas, we wish you a merry Bitchmas...)

That moose reminds me of this plastic donkey that my Unlce Joe had, that pooped cigarettes. I kid you not.

He also had this little plastic outhouse, that when you opened the door, this little plastic boy inside would turn around and pee on the unsuspecting door opener. Again, I kid you not.

Man, my family Christmas parties were weird...

ChurchPunkMom

I have one question... so, he screams like a little bitch, but does Bob have bitch tits??

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures

Awww what a lovely Christmas story! ; ) Those are cool sprinkles...I made sugar cookies last night and they tasted like shit. I admire anyone who can bake!! Merry Christmas!!!!

Vicky

lol i knew it! i would recognize that moose anywhere...

lol cute story!

Mommy Mo

That was fantastic and hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh early (guess it's' not really early) in the morning.

Merry Christmas Mama Dawg!

Lo

oh, how i love thee, mama dawg. jelly bean shittin' murderous reindeer. gotta love christmas :)

Rhea

No way! You have a giant moose that poops jelly beans?! That's awesome.

Great story! LOVED it!!

goodfather

There wasn't eggnog in the kitchen too, was there? Hot spiced rum?

;)

Merry Christmas!!

Captain Dumbass

Pretty sure the plural of moose is still moose. And if you saw one you'd scream like a little bitch too. They are f*ing huge. Did it poop jelly beans on Dave's dead carcass?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher

The moose shits jelly beans? No shit? How could I have missed thi in the stores?

Wishing you, your mom, and LOML a wonderful Christmas.

jen721

Great holiday tale. Are you channeling your inner minkee during story time?

Happy Holidays!

Jennifer and Sandi

Merry Christmas!!

Nice Chocolate!

- Jennifer

Swirl Girl

making the rum soaked yule log again , are we Mama Dawg?

Have a fantastic holiday!

HeatherPride

Man, suddenly I'm in a mood for some gumdrops! I love that goofy moose!

Kat

I am thinking that you and Rhea need to get together to write your next adventure together...

derfina

I got the moose (thought it was a reindeer) AND the snowman!

sassy stephanie

...and, obviously, keep her away from the hot toddies.

Cocotte

We have that moose too! Love your homemade movie!

Melissa

That was just too cute! What a creative mind you have! Don't stop, you're on to something!!

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