Thursday, January 15, 2009

Sacred

As most of you know, I got sucked into Facebook. I "befriended" lots of people. Most of them are from high school but a few are my new found bloggy friends.

I've enjoyed seeing what everyone from high school as grown into. And by that, I mean either their careers or their family life. And for some, their political parties. Those make me laugh the most.

However, I've really reconnected with two people that I considered to be my closest friends while living in Florida.

One of them is Jenny, who knew me in high school. We probably met in middle school, but didn't become friends til our Freshman year in high school. However, once we became friends, it was hard, fast and furious. Our friendship, I mean. We clicked and bonded and giggled and dreamed for 3 years.

We grew apart our senior year. She was heavily involved in Drama and by that time, I didn't give a crap anymore about school. I still had my activities, but by then, I was just going through the motions. There was no fight, no falling out. Just a gradual decline of the friendship. Very organic.

We briefly connected a few years ago but other than a couple of Christmas cards, nothing happened.

When I got on Facebook, we found each other again. And I swear, it's like no time has passed. We've both grown. In different directions, but we've both grown. I am enjoying getting to know her as an adult.

The other person that I've reconnected with and which has pleased me to no end is my friend Mimi. I've posted about her before. She's a trip.

Mimi and I met when I worked at Disney. I started working there when I was 17 and the day I turned 18, we were out in the clubs. Dancing our fool asses off and living it up like only an 18 and 19 year old can. We hit every club that we heard about. We danced and laughed and lived.

We became tight real fast. She was the first friend that I actually said "I love you" to. Before her, I knew that I loved my friends, but never said it. Because, well, we were in high school. She was the sister I always wanted and never had. I told her things I had never told anyone before. We had experiences that I had never had before. I took my first road trip with her.

We moved in together and life happened. We disconnected and moved our separate ways. Years later, through the magic that is the Internet, we found each other again. It was great but we only half heartedly stayed in touch. I was busy with an infant and still new to the whole Internet thing. She was busy going through life stuff and trying to raise 2 boys. We lost touch but amicably.

With FB in the picture, we found each other again. And it's different this time. This time, we have time for each other. We are not just doing the same old BS on Facebook. You know, the "how have you been" and "oh, such a sweet family" stuff. We are talking like we used to. Making each other laugh. Making plans to meet up this spring and maybe do a trip together in the late summer. We're really making an effort to re-connect.

I'm feeling all these warm fuzzies and my heart is happy.

I know you're probably wondering where all this is going, aren't you?

During all these conversations I've been having with these two friends, I have discovered how they viewed me during that time that we were younger.

When you're in high school, you really don't care what your friends think of you. You're friends. You don't need to know what they think of you. If you didn't like each other, you wouldn't be friends.

So, I never had any clue what their perceptions of me were back then.

A few comments here and there during some conversations have brought to light what they thought of me back then.

And it makes me want to weep.

For joy. And I love them for it. For seeing in me who I really am. For seeing in me the person I always wanted to be.

They saw confidence. They saw a free-spirit. And even back then, they saw someone who really didn't care what others thought of me. They saw that spark.

I was never a traditionally pretty girl. When you saw me, you didn't think "Wow, what a stunner". But, there was something always there. Some little spark.

I never saw this of course. I'm going by what others told me.

The other thing I've discovered is that I knew who I was all along. Even through high school and those early adult years.

I had this guy friend in high school. His name was Chris. He is a Native American.

He made me this lovely Indian medicine bag. He told me to put sacred items of mine inside. They would help to keep me calm and centered.




So, I did. When I was 16 or 17, these are the items that I put inside.




I had forgotten about this little bag, but when I was reliving some memories last night, I remembered it. I pulled it out and opened it up.



Inside were the following items:



The ring you see on the left is a ring that an ex-boyfriend gave to me. He was the only guy in high school that I dated for more than 2 weeks. We actually dated for 2 months. We met while on the track team and I fell head over heels for the guy. He was on a club soccer team and they went to England. While in England, he bought me some presents. These were actually the first AND last gifts I got from a boyfriend. He got me a teddy bear, but he also got me this lovely ring that has an Irish saying on it. Don't ask me again what it says. It's in Gaelic. I wore it until we broke up. After Chris made me this medicine bag, I had healed from the break up enough to recognize that I would appreciate this when I got older. So, in the bag it went.


The next item is a Canadian penny. I can not, for the life of me, remember why this is significant. But, at one time in my life, it was.


The next item is an alexandrite and gold ring from my childhood. It was my first piece of real jewelry and was given to my by my mother.


The next item is an alexandrite and gold earring. The mate is missing. They were one of the first pairs of real gemstone and gold earrings I got when I got my ears pierced. Again, they were a present from my mom.


The next item is a shell. No clue on the back story to that one. But, it must have meant something at one time.


The last item is what brings this bag and the reconnection to my old friends together.


It's a folded up piece of paper. When I opened it up, this is what I found:




At age 16, I knew enough to believe in myself. To write it down.


To make it sacred.


Later,

Mama Dawg

29 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Cocotte

Really cool stuff. Childhood treasures are a wonderful thing, as are childhood friends.

You need to friend request me on FB!

Kat

Wow you just made me tear up. That one scrap of paper says it all.

Mama Dawg

Cocotte-what are you known as on FB? Drop me an e-mail and let me know and I'll befriend you!

Irish Gumbo

I am in awe, sensei . I wish to learn.

Not once in my life had I ever thought to write something like that down. I wish I had.

That's beautiful. You're aiight, you know that? :)

Diane

What a great post! I don't even know what to say. You are my kinda people, I'll just say that.

Jess

Awwwwwwww! I love memories! And friends! I am so glad you have reconnected with some peeps!

Csquaredplus3

What a gift. To yourself, and hopefully your daughter. This would be a nice story for all teens or pre-teens to read. Really great.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher

As a high school teacher, I can tell you that most teens are more concerned with what other teens think than in being who they truly are. Your confidence in yourself at such a young age speaks volumes.

I haven't done Facebook. I have such a hard time keeping up with my new thing, blogging, that i'm afraid to add anything else into the mix.

Jaden Paige

That is awesome. Incredible. Inspiring.

Hang on to that sacred bag, I'm sure years down the road you'll be pulling it out again and reliving these memories.

Erin

This was inspiring to read, thank you.

By the way - I remember you back in middle school and high school, I never knew whether you liked me, hated me, or were indifferent. Not that it matters now. I always thought that you were someone who couldn't care less what others thought of you, you just were who you were - no justification needed. I envied you for that, it was something I (back then) couldn't do, someone I couldn't be.

It was an inspiration and this post was just that. You being you. I enjoyed it - thanks for being a friend. :)

Mama Dawg

Awwww...Erin. You're so sweet.

And, for the record and to make it official....I liked you. You were one of the good ones. I know we weren't close, but I liked you.

Believe me, if I didn't like you, you knew it! I can't hide that. No matter how much I try, if I don't like someone, I can't hide my feelings.

Soldier without a War

that i awesome. gave me chills... I am also on Facebook and have found alot of highschool peeps thru it...i love the little folded up piece of paper... we all need a paper that says that as a reminder...

Melanie D

I love crackbook...I mean facebook! awesome note to yourself, I found a letter we were supposed to write for ourselves in highschool except mine was full of crap like the people I hate and who I had a crush on. LAME! at least yours had some meaning

Captain Dumbass

Talk about lame, I'm commenting after my sister.

I love that scrap of paper.

Robin

Wow. That's really amazing!
Good for you for being so confident and always knowing who you are.

Minivan Mom

I love this post Em. Awesome.

Rich

Hey Emily, great post!! I will call you "Dances with Paper".

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures

What a great thing to know at 16. I am just trying to figure that out at 31 : ) Great post!

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures

What a great thing to know at 16. I am just trying to figure that out at 31 : ) Great post!

Kat

That is just amazing that you knew yourself when you were 16. I still don't know who I am or what I want to become...

scargosun

That is just amazing. I am so glad to know you too!

When were you at Disney? You might have known an ex of mine.

thefirstdayofautumn

i love this post. absolutely love it. "I am myself" has to be about the best thing you could have written. beautiful indeed.

i also enjoy the facebook for all the same reasons. i have reconnected with a few people who i really love and wondered about for many years. i can't stand all the bs that goes with it. i don't want a pooh bear, or boozemail, i want communication. real conversation. i check often but only to see if someone is talking to me. it's a very nice way to stay in touch.

Rhea

I'm so happy you're re-connecting with friends on FaceBook. They sound like really special people to you. And I love the medicine bag. And that you ultimately were true to yourself. Very nice.

Trooper Thorn

That's amazing when your past comes back out of the blue like a punch int he neck.

I have lots of Canadian pennies if you want more.

Jenny

I love you, girl.

Anonymous
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Vodka Mom

okay- who the hell WAS that before me????????WHO???


I loved that post.

Teri

I absolutely love this post. It's making me wonder if my 15 1/2 year old daughter is finding herself. Very inspirational.

LiteralDan

That's remarkably mature for that age-- I can see how you ended up the way you have.

I think it would be a bad idea overall for me to add Facebook to my list of obsessions/time sucks, but this is surely a potent sales pitch.

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