Friday, May 1, 2009

Hookers, the Virgin Mary and Shoes

It's Friday. Yesterday was the last day of the month and work was kicking my ass like crazy. Thank goodness that day is over.

Now I can relax and give you guys an awesome taste of complete and utter useless random crap from my life.

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I found a flea in my underwear this morning. Hoping he was just a peeping tom instead of hungry. So far, my crotch area isn't itching, so I think he was just a little perv.

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Here's a pic of Max's latest find.

A shoe.

Yes, a shoe.

WTF?



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In the shower yesterday morning, I was trying to recall the latest weird dream I had and couldn't. Then that got me to thinking about why I've been having such weird dreams lately. Then that got me to thinking I was pregnant. But then I remembered that in order to GET pregnant, there's a little sumpin' sumpin' you have to be doing (or at least do ONCE) and well, not to give out TMI, but that well has been dry long enough that that is quite literally an IMPOSSIBILITY and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Then I remembered the Virgin Mary and how she had an immaculate conception. Then I freaked out again. Then I remembered that I'm not a virgin, so that was out.

But then THAT got me to thinking about what would they call it if someone who WASN'T a virgin got pregnant like Mary did. I mean, you can't call it an immaculate conception then, now could you?

Yeah, this is how my brain works. Especially before coffee.

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You know who I feel sorry for in today's economy?

The hookers.

Think about it. When you're depressed over losing your job and not being able to provide for your family, the last thing you're thinking of doing is going downtown and finding a local lady of the night to pay to bang.

So what's a working girl to do?

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I'm brown bagging it for lunch today.

Literally. My lunch is in a brown bag.

To further old skool it, inside my brown bag is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

However, to show off how adult I really am (and yes, despite evidence to the contrary, I AM an adult), I have Asiago and peppercorn cheese puffs to accompany my PB & J.




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I came home yesterday to the most wonderful of surprises.


My best friend Mimi (who I'm going to see in 1 MONTH y'all!!!!!!), sent me a package of some jewelry making ideas, patterns for some bags, some beads and two Disney pins.


That was so awesome and totally made my day.
But what made me cry was the card she included in the package. And the words she wrote inside.


I did not realize until that very moment exactly how MUCH I missed having her in my life. How much I missed having a girlfriend that KNOWS me. That LOVES me. That GETS me. That WILL ALWAYS BE THERE for me.


As excited as I got to see some old guy friends from HS and whatnot recently, the level of excitement I have for seeing her again in a month is off the charts.


I can honestly say that I'm more excited about seeing her than going to Disney World (but only by like 1 point....if we were keeping score, which we're not, cause I don't want Disney World to get wind that it's a competition or they may ruin my trip on purpose just to be spiteful).


But that's why I'm so excited about Disney World. Not only do I get to see her again but I get to see her AT Disney World. It's like....well, there's really no words to describe how freakin' awesome June is going to be for me.


That card now has a permanent place in my purse. I've read it like 6 times now.


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I was on Facebook the other day and noticed that you can become a "fan" of God.


Huh?


Do you really think God really cares about that? I mean, by virtue of believing, haven't you kind of already proclaimed your loyalty and all that?


Weird.


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I was listening to something on the radio the other day. May have been on NPR (shut up) but maybe not.


Anyway, it got me to thinking about gay marriage and how so many people are against it because they believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman and how so many people use religion as a reason for not condoning it. I personally think some homophobes are using religion as a shield, but that's neither here nor there.


What it got me to thinking is that those who believe in gay marriage should start their own religion and have their own Bible that makes vague references to heterosexual marriages being unholy or whatever.


Because the way it appears to me, if you have religion behind you as a reason you believe in something, it just makes your argument THAT much stronger.


Or so it seems.


(This was NOT directed at anyone that reads my blog. It's just a THOUGHT that I had. It's MY OPINION...not fact based in any way. I did not do any research. I'm just talking out of my ass. That's why it's MY blog and not YOURS.)


And speaking of gays and religion and yada, yada, yada...you need to go check out Jess's recent post.


I heart Jess.


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And now, to leave you on a GOOD note.....here's the shoes I'm wearing today.




Yeah, I know.


They ARE awesome.


Have a good weekend y'all! Anyone doing anything good?


Later,


Mama Dawg

21 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Jess

First of all...amazing title! You really gotta have things like that to draw people in...and I can't think of anything better. It should be the name of a strip club.

It wouldn't be so bad to believe what they believe if they actually knew what they were believing! To really understand the Bible, you have to go back to the original languages it was written in, which is Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. If you aren't willing to go and study these languages yourself, then find someone that did...not some backwards country ass preacher that is STILL concerned about saving souls every week.

Jaden Paige

Love the shoes. Can't wait for the weekend. Jealous of Disney. Just joined blip.fm and don't quite all get it yet. Yes, I know this is a random comment.

...

Still jealous of Disney. Dammit.
;)

Hope you and LOML have a great weekend hun!

Mama Dawg

I hear ya Jess. I really do.

I just chalk it all up to a difference of opinion and leave it at that.

I know what I believe and when it comes down to it, really, at the end of the journey, it's just me and God. And he knows how I feel. And I think we're all right.

Twenty Four At Heart

I'm a shoe-aholic and those are all sorts of awesomeness. I just hope Max doesn't decide to eat them because (to a dog) there's nothing tastier than a shoe!

Chris M.

Some days...I try to find a post that can be more random than you.

I fail, usually.

And I enjoy all the randomness.

But on the topic of weird facebookiness, here's something I think you would enjoy...

Abe Lincoln's Facebook Page.

Laugh!

-Chris
Weather Moose

Larkin

Asiago and peppercorn cheese puffs, that made me giggle. More so the "puffs" part.

And, beleive it or not, I have 2, count them T-W-O pairs of the shoues you are wearing. I have black and tan ones. Sadly, we never that pretty color here in the SAV.

WA

Hey, Mama! Thanks for the comment on my blog. You are hilarious--so much to read.

And you'd better make sure that flea registers himself with the sex offenders database ASAP. He sounds dangerous.

Wendi Aarons

Pseudonymous High School Teacher

The problm with randomness is ther are just so many ways one could go acommenting.

Loved them all, but now I am so thinking about those asagio cheese puffs that I know we don't have over here.

Cocotte

Actually, I heard that hookers do better business when it's a poor economy. No need to feel sorry for them! They are cheering up some poor fools.

Lisa Brandos

Love the shoes. they are awesome.

sassy stephanie

Gurl,

a cheese puff (aka 'chee wee' in N'Awlins) by any other name still gets your fingers orange.

The shoes rock. Out loud. I love obnoxiously colored shoes. I have sported patent green, bright banana yellow and pink with turqoise stripes. All while I was a big girl. I know cuz they were all leather. And not pleather.

Happy weekend. Hope it's smokin.

Trooper Thorn

Was't that on old Southern Workin' Song:
'Fleas in the underwear,
Shoo fleas, shoo.
Fleas in the underwear,
Shoo fleas, shoo.
Fleas in the underwear,
Shoo fleas, shoo.
Insecticide My Darling.

Gaston Studio

Hookers,bars and movies do more business because people are looking for an escape; a little factoid there.

Love the shoes.

Swirl Girl

If we bail out the hookers, then we'll have to give 70% to their pimps...and they'll still be out of the street.

Hey - why don't we 'hook' them up with congressmen and televangelists?? They are historically good clients.

Rhea

I love these posts that have just tons of random crap in them.

Those shoes are a beautiful color!

And I totally listen to NPR in the car.

Your friend who sent you the card and the package sounds WONDERFUL!

You'd be an awesome mama for a baby Jesus. Just sayin'

the Mayor

the shoes are superb, an excellent color, my favorite color.

Gaston Studio

Left you something at my place; come on over!
Jane

Heather

The hooker part made me LOL!!! even though they are probably doing REALLY good business right now!!! I can't even remember the last time I wore high heels...awesome shoes!!!

kristi

LOL..your blog is too funny!

Teri

Those shoes are way way cool. If I was gay, I would so get married. I'm serious. And I think hookers might still be in good shape moneywise. I mean, if a guy is inclined to do hookers in the first place, do we REALLY think he will think of providing for his family instead of getting a little?

Mommy Mo

I know I am SO behind on reading posts but I am still around when I can be.

First off, LOVe the shoes. You should wear them at Disney : ).

Second, I am so excited for you to see your friend again. Friends that REALLY know you, and love you all the same, are the BEST.

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