Lonely, I'm So Lonely......

I was sitting at work yesterday listening to music while I worked. I just sat there and jammed to my compilation c.d. that has pop songs from the 90's on it. It took me waaaaaaayyyyyy back to when I was a teenager in the sunny state. Like most teenagers, I hated life and high school, blah, blah, blah.....looking back, it wasn't so bad. Not great, but not as bad as it seemed at the time. Anyway, I guess that's when music really came in to my life. As a small child, you don't think much about music and it's not a HUGE part of your life like it seems to be as a teenager. Man, just the mere mention of some songs brings up memories and feelings like they just happened yesterday. The feelings aren't as fierce as they were when they first occurred but I still get the same feelings all the same.

I don't know if anyone remembers the song "Set the Night to Music" but it was such a poignant song for me my freshman year. I was head over heels in like with this guy, Nathan. Note I didn't say love. I still to this day don't believe I've ever been in love. Even when I was married. Anyway, he ended up breaking my heart (like only a good looking guy can do when he decides he likes your best friend more). This was a song we danced to at homecoming. Right before we broke up.

There's a song by Janet Jackson called "Again". I had INTENSE feelings for this guy named Mike. He was a senior and I was a freshman. He was such a player and I knew it. Didn't matter. I fell hard. I had never crushed as hard as I did for him. I finally landed him (in a purely physical sense only, not emotionally) and we were making out hard and heavy at my house. We were thisclose to closing the deal but cooler head prevailed (mine, not his.....LOL!). Anyway, during the most intense portion of our make out session, this song came on and I actually started crying. If that song had gone on for just a few more minutes, he probably would have been my first. To this day, if this song comes on the radio, it brings up the feelings of that day.

The first guy I actually had a "relationship" with was Jon and it was my junior year. I ran track and so did he. He was also an incredible soccer player but it was during track season that we met for the first time. I'd seen him around school, but I felt he was so far out of my league. I guess he liked something in me because we started dating. We dated for about a month or 6 weeks. For those of you who don't know me, I was a 2 weeker. I only dated guys for an average of 2 weeks before I broke up with them. Looking back, it was rare that I was the one who was dumped. I usually did the dumping. Hmmm.......I may have to look into that. Probably some crap about not wanting to get hurt, blah, blah, blah.....That's for another post. Anyway, I digress. There was a song by Radiohead "Creep". I remember hearing that for the first time in Jon's Bronco that had the "They Might Be Giants" bumper sticker on it. If I hear that song today, it takes me back to the time I spent with him.

The point of walking down memory lane with you guys is to point out the fact that for the first time in a while, I felt lonely yesterday. I know it has to do with listening to the c.d. and bringing back all those memories. I guess I was more nostalgic than lonely.

I get this way from time to time but it usually hits me in September or whenever it first gets chilly. I guess this is because that’s when school starts and football games start back up.

I don’t know. All I know is I was a little blue yesterday. But, as usual, I snapped out of it. I went home and was greeted (enthusiastically) by a 7 year old who went back to school yesterday. After she went to bed, I sat out on my front porch with my book, a cup of tea and a molasses cookie and read for a while. I then crawled in bed and (shamelessly) watched Beverly Hills 90210 season three. Yes, you read right, I actually plunked down my hard earned money for this campy, trashy TV show. So sue me. I love it!!!!

Later,
Mama Dawg