Dear Lady Walking In Front Of Me This Morning On The Way Into Work:
You know, the sidewalk is made wide enough that two people can walk side by side. Or if that's too uncomfortably close, you can at least walk past a slower walking person.
However, that little fact seemed to have eluded you this morning. Instead, you were bobbing and weaving from side to side worse than Sugar Ray.
Did you not notice me breathing down your neck as I tried to pass you?
Dear Co-Worker That Got Pissed At Another Co-Worker For Wanting To Lock The Door:
Yeah, I don't blame them. I would feel like you might steal my shit, too.
Shut your trap and sit down like a good little girl.
No one wants to hear from you. Especially since you're a known liar.
Trust me, Elvis was NEVER married to your aunt......no matter what she said.
Dear Captain Dumbass and Middle-Age Woman:
Thank you. Thank you so much for this. It made my day!
Grateful Zombie Lover,
Can you learn to speak human? I need to know what's going on with your foot. You're limping but I can't see the source for the limp.
Can you please be 2:45?
Wanna play along?
Click on the button.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Dear Lady Walking In Front Of Me This Morning On The Way Into Work:
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Oh, the horror. I've been betrayed in the worst possible way.
It's too much to talk about.
I'm still hurt.
Every time I think of it, I literally shake my head to make the thoughts fly out of my ever racing mind.
I can't believe she did that.
Scratch that, I can't believe she DIDN'T do that.
It's too much. Just too much.
The trust is gone.
I don't know how I'm ever going to trust anything she ever says again.
My own mother.
I came home on Monday afternoon and asked about the rat.
She said, "Why do you want to know?"
I just told her I was curious how she killed it.
She asked again why I wanted to know.
I told her as long as I didn't have to SEE it happening, it didn't bother me. Did she beat it to death? Find something toxic to feed it? Broke its tiny neck? I mean, she did SAY that she was going to kill it. Not take care of it, but actually used the word KILL.
All she simply said was that its now in a box in a bag hanging from a nail on the front porch and that on Wednesday, I was to just add it to the regular trash.
Gross, I know, but we can't toss the dead body in the woods. The dogs will drag it back out.
So, yesterday afternoon, my curiosity got the better of me.
I took the bag down off the nail and took the box out. I tore off the Scotch tape and peered inside.
Totally expecting to see blood and guts and yuckiness all around.
What I did not expect to see was a LIVE FUCKING RAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She didn't do it! She didn't kill it!
She betrayed me!
I was totally expecting to see a dead rat and it WASN'T FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I did the only thing I could do......I found my duct tape and duct taped that box till it was nothing but a big silver rectangle.
I then taped the bag shut around the box.
At least I had the balls to suffocate it.
And after all that talk about how since she grew up in the country, it was easier for her to take care of stuff like that since it was how she grew up.
(P.S. I'm really not mad at her, but it did throw me for a loop)
Monday, October 26, 2009
I feel like the farmer's wife.
Wait, not really.
I didn't cut off their tails with a carving knife and there was only one.......
......but what a formidable enemy it was!
I've been hunting down this sucker for a while now. I think it's mama was the one I was chasing down with a knife at 3:30 in the morning last winter. The same one my then recently de-balled dog failed to catch due to the lingering anesthetic he had been under the day before.
I've heard it IN MY COUCH WHILE I WAS LAYING DOWN ON IT!!! I've heard it scrabbling in the walls. I've seen it out of the corner of my eye running to safety.
Thanks to the modern technique of putting a shitload of super duper strong glue on a piece of plastic, I finally got it!
Of course, the dilemma now is how to kill it.
Yeah, kill it. I can't risk it coming back for revenge.
Good thing my mom volunteered to kill it for me.
I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I could handle it if he had been trapped in a regular trap instead of this glue thing, but I can't do it if it's still alive.
It's too much like a pet. Ya know?
At least it'll be dead by the time I get home.
Oh, and that Donny and Marie record case? Suck it. If you want to read about that case, click here.
How was YOUR weekend?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
As I've mentioned a few times on here, my mom and I both volunteer our time at a local Methodist rummage house.
Mom volunteers waaaaaaaaay more than I do, but then again, she's retired.
At least once a week, I make a run up there with her to help sort and stack the new stuff that's been donated and to get it ready for pricing and/or storage.
Mostly clothes are donated, but there are lots and lots of other things as well.
I've found all sorts of neat things there and decided that from now on, whenever I find something neat or interesting (at least to me), I'm gonna share it with you guys.
Maybe some of these things will bring back some memories or make you smile.
Last night, we went up there and there were 3 HUGE boxes filled with books and puzzles.
I was going through them to see what they had and look at what I found. I snatched it up right away and bought this bad boy. I couldn't resist.
It's a Disney puzzle from back in the late 50's/early 60's. They're selling for $20 on eBay!
But look at what the previous owner paid!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Did anyone happen to catch the meteor shower early this morning?
I always see the news articles on Yahoo that we're having one and every time, I make a note to get up at 2:30 or so to watch it.
But seriously y'all? Mama Dawg NEEDS her sleep.
However, I do get up at 4:30 each morning and this morning was no exception.
It was a crystal clear sky. No clouds, no moon and living out in the country as I do, no city light pollution.
I did manage to see a few meteors streak across the dark morning sky but that's not what took my breath away.
Because it was such a clear sky and because it is soooooooo pitch dark where I live, I could see literally thousands and thousands of stars. More than I can usually see. It kind of reminded me of that moment in The Breakfast Club when Ally Sheedy shakes her hair and all that dandruff falls on the desk. Except this was stars. So many stars.
I felt so small at that moment. So very, very, very small.
And of course, me being me and having the imagination that I do, I totally felt that any second now, I'd look up and see a GIGANTIC shoe with a HUGE leg attached come down and squish me flat. I actually looked up in horror for a split second.
Then........a totally peaceful calm settled down over me and I sat on the front porch with Nikki on one side and Max on the other and I let my soul rest for a few moments more before I went inside to gather up the trash to take to the street.
I've noticed that the older I get, the more these moments are necessary for my survival. I've also noticed that the older I get, the more I tend to take time to acknowledge and give reverence to these moments.
If the wind is blowing and it's a gorgeous blue sky fall day, I will stop whatever I'm doing, close my eyes and just let the wind wash over me. Just as I'll stop and take the time to look up at the starry night sky and let my soul breathe.
I will live in the moment.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
.....at this girl who wears glasses.
I'm in trouble, aren't I?
Light had to get glasses. We went last week for the appointment and they told us it would be 10 days before we would get them. They came in 3 days later but I didn't get a chance to pick them up until yesterday.
I wanted to get a couple of photos to post and this is one I got.
All I simply said was, "Hey Light, look at me" and the second she turned towards me, this is the shot I got.
Damn, I'm in so much trouble when she gets older.
Anyone got a shotgun?
Here she is when she first got them.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I don't know if you guys remember this post or not, but I wrote it a while ago.
Due to the miracle called a search engine, Brandon found me!
And e-mailed me! How cool is that?
Anyway, I love this post so much, I decided to do a re-post.
Damn, just seeing his name in my e-mail inbox gets me hot remembering that kiss.
I’ve been kissing boys since I was 11. I got my first kiss from Chipper McMahon. Like Charlie Brown with his elusive little red-haired girl, Chipper was my little red-haired boy.
I crushed on him so hard from first grade til even after I moved away to Florida.
A couple of weeks before I moved, Chipper, my friend Jennifer Anderson, Michael Reulet and I all went to Sykes Park to have a final farewell get together. I was right at the precipice of teen-age-hood but not quite there yet.
We all kinda sorta liked each other. I still had a massive crush on Chipper, but Michael and I had “gone together” earlier that year and there were still some residual feelings. Jennifer, I think, liked Chipper and maybe was a little interested in Michael, but it was clear from the time we got there that there was going to be some competition between Chipper and Michael for my affections that night.
There was a playground there that had a slide. It was one of those that had the plastic tube around it but it went straight, it didn’t curve. I remember that we decided that we would all sit behind one another (spooning, for a visual, if you need it, except sitting up, not laying down) and then lay down to go down the slide. I can still clearly feel the thrill of having Michael’s head in my lap and having my head in Chipper’s but not really understanding why I was feeling that way. It was innocent fun, nothing remotely sexual, but that was the first time I can remember having “those” feelings.
Later, when it got dark, we decided to sit down and play spin the bottle. We were pretty much the only ones at the park at that time.We found a bottle laying around and that’s when I got my first kiss. It was one of those real quick-blink-and-you-miss-it situations. I know that the more we played, the bolder we got. Michael and Chipper kept egging each other to “slip ‘em the tongue”. I can remember getting flushed but not really understanding what would happen if they did that. I was alternately repulsed but at the same time, intrigued.
I do remember Jennifer out-right refusing to do that and even though I verbally agreed, inside I can remember kinda hoping it would happen just to see what it was like.
I then moved to Florida and received my first French kiss from Pat Petito. I was 12 and I can remember being sooooo nervous. I also remember what a shit he was about it.
He had been teasing me for days about giving me my first French kiss and in between bouts of wanting to puke my guts out, I was anxious.
Like I said, he was a total shit about it. I lived near enough to the school to walk and it was a frequent hang out spot for kids after the teachers and students had left for the day. I was there with a friend and he was there with a friend. They had ridden their bikes up to the school but Heather and I had walked.
He had me pressed up against the brick wall outside of the seventh grade classrooms. I had my arms pressed against the wall and was so anxious. He leaned in close, put his lips to mine and SQUIRTED WATER in my mouth. I was totally humiliated. I slapped him and ran all the way home with Heather chasing me all the way there. I could hear him laughing while I was running.
For whatever reason, I forgave him and he finally fulfilled his promise by going full throttle with the kiss.
Yeah, I should have waited for someone else. It was slobbery and awkward and just gross. I can remember thinking “I waited for THIS?”
However, after I got rid of him and moved on to better boys, the kissing got much better.
I still had a few duds along the way but for the most part, they were pleasant and dreamy and wonderful.
I liked kissing. I liked the feelings of having my eyes closed while we did things with our lips and tongues that some of my girlfriends hadn’t experienced.
As much as I enjoyed kissing, I was not prepared for Brandon Delledonne.
In high school, I was a wrestlerette. This was kind of a wrestling cheerleader but we went beyond cheering for the wrestlers. We set up the gym, got our chosen guys bags filled with their favorite kinds of candy or snacks or drinks. We decorated and encouraged and whatnot.
Part of our duties were to walk in the opposing teams wrestlers and then walk in our own team.
Brandon was a wrestler from another school. I was the one that lead his school in at one of our matches.
We flirted and talked. I was 16 when I met him. Over the next two years, we would see each other at wrestling matches but we never hooked up. The timing was never right. Either he had a girlfriend (who was always in the stands) or I had a boyfriend.
When I turned 18, I started going “clubbing” with my friend Mimi (from the Drug Mule story). We used to go to a club called “The Embassy” EVERY Saturday night.
One night was while I was dancing my ass off, I spotted Brandon through the crowd. I hadn’t seen him in almost a year. I went over to him and said hi. He remembered me and we talked for a while. For the first time since we had known each other, we were both single. We exchanged numbers and that was that, or so I thought.
Well, he called. And asked me if I wanted to go out and do something. I said sure. He lived about 30 minutes away but decided to make the drive out to where I lived. Instead of going out, we decided to rent a movie and get Taco Bell for dinner. We stayed in at my house. My mom retreated to her bedroom and closed her door to give us some privacy.
We ate our Taco Bell and sort of half assed watched the movie. I kept looking at him out of the corner of my eye and we would do those little touchy things. You know what I mean…arm around the shoulder, finger making circles on his thigh, him rubbing my arm, me laying my head on his shoulder, etc….
I remember when it was time for him to head out, I walked him outside. I can remember that I was barefoot and wearing jeans.
We got to my car and he gently pushed me back against my door. He leaned in for our first kiss. I was anxious but ready all the same.
You know how you read about feeling electricity shoot from your connected lips all the way down to your “spot”?
Yeah, that’s what it was like. For the first time in my life, I was experiencing a really truly passionate kiss. One that had me pressing my entire body against his. One that had me fumbling for naked flesh under his shirt. One that almost made me have an orgasm OUTSIDE UP AGAINST MY CAR DOOR. Completely clothed and just with his lips touching mine.
It was THAT good.
I couldn’t get enough.
I was hungry for him.
Unfortunately, he had to leave me high and dry (well, not really, if you know what I mean) because he had to leave right then to get home in time to get some sleep before work the next day.
We “dated” for the next couple of weeks, but except for the kissing (and almost but not quite other stuff), we didn’t really have much in common.
The relationship, as it were, didn’t last long.
But to this day, I can still remember that kiss.
And also to this day, I’ve not had another like that.
Anyone ever had one of those?
Spewed by Mama Dawg at 8:28 AM
Friday, October 9, 2009
Yeah, not very creative, I know.
I have Monday and Tuesday and next Friday off. Light is out of school on Mon and Tues and on Fri, she has a field trip that I wanted to go on, so I'm looking forward to next week.
On Tuesday, she is going to the eye doctor. She seems to be having problems seeing the board at school. Since literally EVERY ONE in our family has glasses, it's inevtible. I just wanted to hold off for a few more years.
Oh, well, at least she looks cute in glasses. At least she looks cute in mine when she tries them on.
The Flip Flop Queen posted a new blog post over at Flip Flops in the Sun.
Go check it out. It's really cute and fun. I had post it for her this morning but she told me what to say and how to post it.
Bossy little thing!
Here's a pic of Nikki taken last night.
She's still a dream dog.
And here's my favorite little man, Max. The original dream dog.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Yeah, I'm off a day.
While I was in the bathroom, the song "Local God" by Everclear came on my iPod.
What? You don't listen to your iPod while on the pot?
Anyway, it reminded me how much I loved the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack when it came out.
I loved it so much, I had BOTH c.d.'s of the soundtrack.
Speaking of bathrooms, do you ever have one of those daily constitutionals where you practically have to be double jointed in order for it to exit your body?
I don't think I've ever had to work that hard for something to EXIT my body.
Labor not counting since I had an emergency c-section.
And to top it off, when checking it's size (cause surely it had to be a HUGE one), I was terribly disappointed and a bit peeved to find that it was just a normal sized one.
Yeah, I just talked about poop.
Dr. Oz says we always need to check after we go even though no one will admit that they do.
How else can you remember what night you had corn?
Speaking of music (not that we were just a second ago), I decided my top three soundtracks are as follows:
1. Grosse Pointe Blank
2. Romeo + Juliet
3. Mamma Mia
Yeah, I like ABBA. So what?
I love you. I truly, truly, truly do.
But, is there any way that we can just get rid of that enzyme or whatever it is that makes me so gassy?
Speaking of cabbage, I have an INCREDIBLE recipe for you.
Half a head of cabbage
1/3 cup red wine vinegar
1/3 cup water
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon of pepper (or to taste....I like a little more)
3 tablespoons sugar
1/2 stick of butter
Cut the half head of cabbage into small pieces. Don't shred, just cut.
Melt half a stick of butter in a deep pan. While that's melting, mix the remaining ingredients together in a bowl.
After the butter has melted, add the mixed sauce to the pan and let it come to a boil.
Once it comes to a boil, add the cut cabbage. Stir it around so the sauce gets mixed in good with the cabbage.
Put a lit on the pan and let the cabbage cook until soft.
For more flavor, let it slightly caramelize. It's soooooooooooooooooooo damn good it's not even funny.
Oh my stars in heaven.
We had the best meal ever last night.
It included the above mentioned cabbage and a Hormel extra lean pork loin that was Pomegranate Basil flavored.
I've never had pork that was so tasty in my life.
And it's so easy to make. Just cut it out of its packaging, fold it loosely in some foil, stick in a pan and cook for like 40 minutes on 350 in the oven.
And it makes terrific sandwiches the next day.
Just ask my tummy.
And my rear.
I'm thinking of getting rid of Who Would You Do?
Not many people seem to play anymore.
I'm dying to do a photo shoot with Light this weekend. Hopefully it'll work out. Fingers crossed.
Eh, that's it. I know there was more....oh, wait, I forgot.
We had the BEST thunderstorm like at 3:30 this morning. I could have sworn we had an inexperienced high school marching band right outside of my windows....that's how LOUD the thunder was.
It was awesome.
"Shame" by the Avett Brothers is playing right this second on my iPod.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Since I had a very strange intimate dream about Pierce Brosnan last night, you all are treated to a .007 extravaganza.
And no, sex was not involved in my dream. And Pierce changed into a completely different non-actor person in my dream. A Viking woman was involved as well as a dead wife and me having to change clothes for absolutely no reason.
Oh, and a Starbucks muffin and hot tea.
On to today's edition of "Who Would You Do?" (book by Susan Segrest).
Which James Bond would you prefer to stir, not shake, you in the boudoir?
The "looks like he knows how to handle his extra large gun" Pierce Brosnan.
The "looks like he DOESN'T know how to handle his teeny tiny gun" George Lazenby.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Y'all really, really, really need to check this one out.
Flip Flops in the Sun.
You won't regret it!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Here's a small sampling of what I've been listening to and LOVING lately!
I heard this guy on NPR (shut up) and fell in love with this song. He's also an author/singer/songwriter/screenwriter.
Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds - Click here for this week’s top video clips
This one never fails to get my ass up out of my seat and DANCING, BABY, DANCING!!!
What are y'all listening to these days?