Gross Post

I'm not kidding. If you don't like to see dead animals or the circle of life, please leave now. There's nothing bloody or gory, but still, if you're a bleeding heart like I am, this will not please you.

Warning over.

The below three pics are the reason why I had to resort to using the deathly hallows traps on the mice in my house.

I can not have this happening. I've had to throw away so much food because of these fuckers. I'm so over feeling sorry for the mice.

I'm done.



Yeah, that's an apple. That had to be thrown away. And no, they're not nibbling and spitting. They're eating it.

This was a brand new bag of trail mix. They chewed through the plastic and got to the good stuff. This is a $4 bag of trail mix that I had to toss. I could barely afford it the first time.

This is big ass container of nuts. My mom likes these. I don't. So, no loss for me, but still. They ate through the plastic lid. You can see how full the can is. Practically to the top.

Here's where it gets a little macabre.

Because Max is still a puppy (and really, what dog doesn't), I have to find a place to place the carcasses where he won't go and get them and bring them back to me a few days later. All nasty smelling and dripping post mortem ooze.

So, I put 'em up in a tree.

Yep. A tree.

Guess how many I caught in all?

Just guess.

7.

SEVEN fucking mice. Two of them I let go. Y'all read about that.

The other 5? Yeah, deader than doornails.

Count the tails.

Here's the front of them in their tree. Good riddance pestilence.

Speaking of Max and rodents, Sunday night, he caught a mole. He actually dug it up out of the ground and caught it.

He then played with it. All night. Then he hid it where I can't find it. I'm sure I'll smell it soon.

Now, I actually had the opportunity to "save" this mole from Max but chose not to.

Why not you ask?

Cause they dig these tunnels in all over the yard. And when it rains, it softens the dirt to the point that if you're walking in the yard, you start to sink into the ground. I've sprained my ankle a couple of times and nearly fell flat on my ass another.

They're horrible.

You can see the dirt on his nose where he was digging.

Yeah, I declined all doggie kisses Sunday night.

Sorry if you're offended, but I just can't live with these critters any more. I've had to throw away about a dozen shirts and sweaters where they've eaten holes in them or pooped and peed so much, the stains won't come out.

They're a menace.

Later,

Mama Mouse Dawg

Eat Your Heart Out, Ryan Seacrest

I've been interviewed TWICE in the past week!

Granted, I signed up for both of them and they weren't interviewing me because I'm THAT fascinating. It's because I jumped down their throats when they offered to do an interview with a blogger.

The first set of questions is from the ever fascinating Jess over at This Life is Mine.


What was the funniest thing you have ever experienced?

What had me on the floor laughing my ass off? So many things. I love to laugh and find humor in some of the most mundane things. Recently it was a passage from a book by George Carlin. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't stop. It actually brought tears to my eyes. LOML got concerned cause I wouldn't stop.

If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?

If it was a cool million, I'd find some way to turn it into more money so I could take care of my family and friends but then build a no-kill animal shelter that I ran. I heard about this awesome idea that this guy in NC or VA had. He houses military pets. You know, when a guy or girl does a tour of duty but they have no one to take their dog or cat or whatever while they're gone for 15 months. He takes them in and houses them for FREE until they get back from their tour. This way, the military people don't have to give up their pets. I LOVE this idea.

What is your favorite breakfast food?

My favorite breakfast food has to be homemade blueberry scones and French roast coffee. But my most frequent breakfast is an egg sandwich on wheat bread. Yeah, I know. It's why I'm overweight.

If we went out on the town, what would we do for fun?

Oh, girl. What WOULDN'T we do is the question. That's easier to answer. And that answer is NOTHING! We would do it all! Really paint the town red! We'd make the local news we'd have so much fun.

What song always puts a smile on your face?

It's not so much a song as it is artists. Artists whose songs never fail to put a smile on my face are Billy Joel, Jonny Lang, Jimmy Buffett and the Eagles.

What artists make me bounce in my seat from wanting to dance? Any kind of hip-hop. Chris Brown, T.I., Beyonce (Single Ladies is like my fav song right now), Britney, Lil' Wayne, etc.....

What would I find in your refrigerator right now?

Almost empty bags of lettuce, roasted red pepper spread, milk, your regular condiments, half and half, leftovers, blood orange soda, lemonade, breads, veggies, cheese...it's pretty full right now.

How would you describe yourself in three words?

Tired, strange, fun.

The second set of questions is from Heinous over at IPR. Don't make me type out the name of his blog. I get confused and lost and next thing you know, I'm off on a tangent talking about my intense dislike of Chris Martin.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Oh, yeah, Heinous from IPR sent me this second set of questions. If you aren't reading this guy, you should. He's good. Real good.

What is the bravest thing that you feel you've ever done? Physically, emotionally, or whatever.

Wow. I have to say quitting my job without a safety net in 2007 and moving to the backwoods country after having lived in New Orleans for 9 years. I uprooted my daughter and myself to move to a place where there's no job opportunities and is below the national poverty line. However, I've never been happier.

What one talent do you wish you had that you don't?

I wish I could sing. But, I can't. I could literally make someone drop dead from the horribleness that is my singing. I still miss my Aunt Gladys.

We all have our reasons for blogging but what would be your ultimate goal for your blog or as a blogger?

Well, we all have secret dreams of becoming the next Dooce, but, in reality, I don't have a goal. I'm just having fun. When I get bored of this, I'll move on to something else.

You can trade lives with any one person for a month. Who would it be and why?

I would trade lives with my daughter. I would love to see what she sees and feel what she feels and do what she does. She seems to have such a good life.

There's a fire and your family is safe but you have the chance to save any one item from your house. What would it be and why?

My camera bag.

You have the chance to go back in time and warn yourself before making a bad choice. What choice would it be and what would you tell yourself?

I would not tell my ex-husband I was pregnant. I would have just kept it to myself and broke up with him (we got married when I was 5 months preggo) before I started showing. Yeah, that seems harsh, but he hasn't been around in 8 years. It's already like he doesn't know.

Good questions guys.

If anyone wants me to do an interview for them, just drop me a line in the comments and I'll come up with some questions.

Later,

Mama Dawg

Who Would You Do?

Morning boys and girls. It's time for your Monday Morning "Who Would You Do?" (book by Susan Segrest).

Since the boys complain so much about not having girls on here but my readers are primarily women, I thought I'd mix it up a bit. Here's something for everyone. Except straight people, apparently.

Boy George and RuPaul are, for some unknown reason, both flashing their butt cleavage at you. Where do you look?

*Editor's Note---You HAVE to pick one of the choices. Even if you're a guy and the only choices are guys...same for girls...believe me, there are lots where it's only girls to choose from.

Have a GREAT Monday!

Later,

Mama Dawg

Mama Dawg vs. Mighty Mouse Part 2

Well, if you've been a regular reader of mine for a while now, you'll know that round 1 happened quite a while ago. Since that time, we've had several more mice that I've caught in the mean traps (the ones that snap their tiny necks).

People, I just can't care any more about a mouse's life. Yes, they're cute. Yes, they're a distant relative of my favorite mouse in the whole world (Mickey)....but, they're nasty. And they ate an ENTIRE box of whole wheat pasta plus a small bag of sunflower seeds as well some cat food.

Last night, when I got home from work, LOML was so excited because she caught a mouse. She said she was in the kitchen and heard a rustling noise in the dog food bag. When she opened it up, she saw a mouse. She quickly closed the bag so he wouldn't escape and my mom put a clip on the top to keep it sealed.

I went in the kitchen and took a look inside the bag. It was a mouse all right. A baby one at that. Not a newborn, but one that was about 1 1/2 inches long. He was so CUTE!

But, I had to harden my heart.

While I was standing there in the kitchen, I heard the sound of little feet running in the shelves and I knew that there was another mouse somewhere in there.

Even though I knew it was foolish, I started pulling boxes off the shelf and lo and behold! Another baby mouse! Except this one was trapped. And was just young enough to not know to try to escape no matter how desperate the situation was. And because he didn't move, I was able to get the humane trap right in front of him and herded him into the trap! I then added his brother to the mix. I dropped a cube of cheese inside. Since I didn't want them coming back, my MO is to drive farther out to the country than I already am and let them go. Then they can become someone else's problem!

Anyway, here's some pics of the prisoners mice.

Aren't they adorable?

Here's a video of Max and his reaction to these teeny tiny harmless mice.

How's your Thursday so far?

Later,

Mama Dawg

My Raisins Are Mocking Me

I was sitting here eating a box of Sun-Maid raisins and noticed that when you lift the lid, the little flap that tucks into the box says “Work hard. Play fair. Sleep well.”


I didn’t think much about it at the very second I read it. It just kind of made me smile and I went back to reading blogs working.

A little time goes by and I start thinking about this “advice” from my box of raisins.

I started to get pissed.

Who the hell does this so-called “Sun-Maid” think she is to give me advice on my life?

I mean, for God’s sake, she’s a cartoon “maid” on a box of raisins. There’s some big Aztec-y looking sun type symbol behind her and she’s wearing a red bonnet that’s loosely tied ‘neath her chin.

First of all, honey, that look went out like in the 1800’s. Get with the program. Cut your hair, put some product in it and ditch the bonnet. That bright red lipstick does nothing for your complexion and your eyebrows need plucking.

Second of all, all you do is stare vapidly out into space from a box of raisins. When have you ever worked hard?

As for play fair? I don’t think so. I get the feeling you’re a cheater at Monopoly. You probably slip yourself a few extra $20’s when you’re playing the banker. Yeah, you do. I can see the guilt in your eyes from here. Not only that, but you totally sell yourself as a “healthier snack” than other crap out there in the stores. You’re 130 calories for 1.5 ounces of dried grapes. I need to eat like 5 of you in order to satiate any hunger I might be feeling between breakfast and lunch. That’s like 650 calories just for a snack.

No, my dear, you don’t play fair.

As for sleep well?

Yeah, it’s time to call the cops on your smiling raisin sun-maid ass. There’s no way you could know that unless you were peeking in my windows at night.

And last I checked, that’s illegal.

I do have a question for you though. How did you get by the amazing Barking Max? He barks at his shadow or if the wind blows in from the North. He totally would have busted you. Ninja like skills you must have, princess. Ninja like skills.

I think you should go back to what you’re good at and leave the advice giving career alone. You’re not any good.

Later,

Mama Dawg

P.S. When did they decide to put the California Raisin on the top of the box while little Miss Vapid is on the cover? The double pop culture references are making me a little dizzy.

Lad, I Don't Know Where Ya Been, But I See You Won First Prize!

I got this lovely beauty from Diane over at Good Mourning, Glory. I found her not too long ago. I have no clue where or how, but I love her. She posts some incredible postmortem photographs (from the olden days when they would take pics of the dead...they're not gory or gross, but beautiful). She fascinates me and yet she's the one to give ME an award. Thanks Diane!

As usual, there's rules.

But, you know me. I have this compulsive need to break them.

So, instead of me naming 10 people to give this to, I say the first 10 people on my crack bloggers blog roll on the right get this award.

(here's the rules if you want 'em:

The purpose of this award is to give it to someone who is showing gratitude or a good attitude ("if life hands you lemons, made lemonade") within their life or blog.

The rules: put the logo on your blog, nominate at least 10 blogs that show great attitude and/or gratitude, link to your nominees, let them know they have received the award by commenting on their blog, and share the love and link to the person from whom you received your award. )


In addition, have you heard this? If not, why not? This is a song that I put on repeat constantly in my iPod. It's such a fun song.






Due to all this Facebook crap, I found one of my best friends from high school. Her name is Jenny and she's got her own blog. I don't know if she's looking for a lot of traffic to her blog, so if you go over there, please remember to be nice and polite. She's not like me. She's classy.

We had such a blast in school together. We had all these inside jokes and we kept a notebook that we passed back and forth to each other in the halls instead of notes. Less conspicuous that way. We never got caught, either. And I still have the notebook. Maybe I'll dig it out and post some tidbits here. That would be funny.

Anyway, she tagged me to share 7 things you never needed (or probably wanted) to know about me.

Let's see.......

1. I'm related to Jimmy Carter. Don't ask me how. I have no clue. All I know is that it's on my fathers side and that it's really a distant relation.

2. I ran track in high school. For one year. Til a line drive at a baseball game (yes, I was in the dugout with the baseball players...that's another story for another time) hit my shin so hard, it left a bump and bruise for a month. I limped forever. So, my track career was a bust.

3. I have a chicken pox scar on my right cheek. Other than if someone asks about it, I forget I have it. Even in high school. It never bothered me.

4. I can actually sing the whole song, "Ice Ice Baby" and not miss a word. However, no one that has ever heard me sing has lived to tell the tale. Or at least I assume they're dead. I've never heard back from them after I sang the song. I miss my Aunt Gladys.

5. There are very few things I'll eat. In fact, the list is so short, I can list them all here. English peas (the little green balls), celery and melons. I don't eat these alone and with the exception of celery, I won't eat them mixed in anything. If the celery is chopped up fine enough, I'll eat it.

6. I'm incredibly thoughtless. Not in a mean way, just in an "I'm totally not aware of my surroundings so if I forget your birthday or to ask you how you are after an illness, it's not intentional" way.

7. No matter what a guy looks like (for the most part), if he has a Scottish, Irish, Australian or British accent, I'd probably do him. No guarantees, but they have much better odds than any others out there.

So, thanks Jen, for that fun tag.

If you wanna do it, just do it. It's yours for the taking.

Later,

Mama Dawg

Who Would You Do?

Blah, blah, blah...Monday Morning...blah, blah, blah...today's version of "Who Would You Do?" (book by Susan Segrest).

Can you tell I don't want to be back at work? I'm also dealing with a sinus thing and I ate too much over New Years. I also drank too much....unfortunately, it wasn't alcohol but Dr. Pepper. I rarely drink soda but I drank several cans over the holidays and I'm totally regretting it.

So, since I'm in a bad mood, I thought I'd ruin your Monday as well!

You're welcome!

Which of these former couples would you want to do the dirty with: Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley or Woody Allen and Mia Farrow?

*Editor's Note---You HAVE to pick one of the choices. Even if you're a guy and the only choices are guys...same for girls...believe me, there are lots where it's only girls to choose from.

Sorry. I'll be back on my regular game next week.

Later,

Mama Dawg

P.S. How was your New Years?

P.S.S. Have you sent in your pictures to Ryan yet? Today's the deadline for Christmas Trash pictures. You can click for details in the blurb above this post.

The Real Me

Okay all you people out in blogland.

I need your opinion on something.

I'm about to show you pics of the real me.

Naked (not really....I mean in a vulnerable way).

I got a new hair cut and some glasses as well as a new outfit.

Tell me what you think.






Shit, that's a bad picture. Let me try again.

Dammit, Max, get out of the picture!

Ahhhhh, finally. A full length body shot.

Be honest, tell me what you think.

Below is the Wii Me real me.

Do those shorts make my ass look big?

No? Thanks!

Later,

Mama Dawg

Saturday Sh*t

I have nothing today except for some contest links and whatnot.

My New Year's was great. I farted around (not literally, at least not that I know of) and relaxed all New Years Day. Went major shopping yesterday and am exhausted from that and playing my friend's Wii.

I'm off visiting friends today. I'm back in New Orleans for New Years. We got here Wednesday night and will be leaving tomorrow.

Despite the non-stop access to a computer, I haven't been on much! Go figure!

I get to eat some yummy sushi, or middle eastern or Thai food today. I can't decide what I want yet. Maybe I can do a combo of all three?

My friend Jaymie found this for me. It's so cool.

Rhea's having a fantastic give away! She rocks. Click here for details!

And last, but certainly not least, Kat's having a stellar give away! Click here to see the goods!

Everyone have a great Saturday!

Later,

Mama Dawg

Happy New Years!

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind ?

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old times since ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

May all you rule followers stick to your resolutions for at least a month and for all you rule breakers, I'm betting that Captain Dumbass is the first to break his and at 5 minutes into the new year!

Hope your New Year's Eve was everything you wanted and/or expected.

I'll see you guys later!

Love and juicy kisses,

Mama Dawg