Thursday, July 31, 2008

Wild, But Not Wet, Willies

This happened either late 2006 or early 2007. I know it was after I moved back to New Orleans from being in exile due to Katrina.

My old next-door neighbor, R, is one of my closest friends. She’s this big ball of energy that infects you if you get too close to her. If I’m having a crappy day, a nice word or a smile from her always makes me feel better. If I’m low on energy, just 5 minutes in her presence makes me want to get up off my ass (that was for you, Debbie!) posterior and DO SOMETHING!!!

The thing with R is…you never know what’s gonna happen when you go out with her.

Now, normally, nothing real big happens. Just lots of drinking (not her, she doesn’t drink that much…natural DD!) and laughs and drinking and laughs. Did I mention drinking and laughs? If not, those are always had by all.

R is the best at hook-ups. She works for a HUGE corporation that includes ownership of places such as oh, let’s say, The Chicken Ranch and Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club and Déjà vu. Yeah….she works for them.

But not as a “dancer”. No siree, you’ll never catch R up on that nasty, nasty pole.

She has family ties that go way back and is connected to some very notable people in New Orleans. Such as Dr. John (he’s her godfather) and Andrew Jaeger (one of her bosses).

She runs a hotel in the French Quarter and has run several of the many, many restaurants Andrew Jaeger has “owned” and “operated” throughout his years in NOLA.

She has connections out the wazoo when it comes to clubs and casinos and bars and restaurants.

If that wasn’t enough to make you want to be friends with her….she’s funny and generous to a fault and is just one of the best people on Earth. Don’t even get me started on her husband and son. You will never meet better people.

Having said all that….R sometimes comes up with “interesting” things to do and it usually has to do with her connections to various places in the city.

Her uncle is a cross dresser and has/had access to plays and clubs of the “alternative” kind.

One day, she asked me if I wanted to go see a play that her uncle either put on or ran…not sure which. It was in the Marigny and since I had never been there after dark, I said, “Sure”…plus…free play!

She said that her mom and grandmother were attending and we would be able to get front row seats!!!

Awesome!!! Score!!!!

New Orleans is known for their art productions of all kinds so I knew that the play would be entertaining. Either because it sucked hard core and we could make fun of it or it would be great.

All she would tell me about the play is that it was called “Take Me Out” and it had something to do with baseball players and it was a production of all men.

Ok, cool…I was down with that. I love me some men.

So, we get in her Dodge Charger and drive down to the Marigny. We park the car and go into the theatre. R talks to the man behind the curtain and we go all the way inside and find our table at the very front . Not even 5 feet from the stage.

It’s one of those small theatres that holds about….50 people or so. Very tiny.

We’re sitting at a round table with normal chairs. You know, the kind you find at reception halls and the like.

R’s mom and grandma show up and sit right behind us. We’re all chatting away and the lights go dim.

All of a sudden…….

…..there’s like 20 NAKED swinging willies in my face…of all sizes and shapes and colors.

All the men were nude. It was a nude play.

A play of naked men.

Nude males five feet from my face.

On the one hand, it was like a gift from God.

Except…they were all gay.

On the other hand, it was hysterical.

But it wasn’t supposed to be.

It was supposed to be art.

But, c’mon. Willies 5 FEET FROM MY FACE!!! How do you not laugh? Seriously, how do you not laugh?

To this day, I still don’t know what it was about. Something about race and homosexuality and prejudice and yada yada yada.

All I took away from the whole thing was 20 willies hanging free in the wind with me only 5 feet away.

This is the reason I love R and New Orleans (except to live there).


Mama Dawg

P.S. If you want a link to the review (no nudie pics….sorry!) click here.

22 really cool people who give a rat's patootie:

Candid Carrie

Gives an entire new meaning to the phrase, Free Willy!

Mama Dawg

LOL! I hear ya!

unmitigated me

I'm thinking that "50 Swinging Willies" would be a great name for a band.

Mama Dawg

I agree! Let's start the band!

However, I must warn you, I can only play "Oh, Come All Ye Faithful" on the piano and can't hold a tune in a bucket.

But neither can Britney Spears and look how far she's made it.

Mommy Mo

I, along with many I suppose, have NEVER had the "pleasure" of so many willies so close to my face. Did you take pictures?

Mama Dawg

Nope, no cameras allowed. Darn me for passing on the camera cell phone.....


Its such a long drawn out story, It would be easier over the phone. I can give you my number if you want to know (or I can call you)..or i can email you later on when i get all these dishes done.


OMG - I saw you at Happy Hour Sue's and hop over.

I started crackin' up when you started talking about willies just INCHES away from your face. If it was me, I think I would've been bustin' up the same!!

Nice to meet you - from the other MammaDawg ;)


you got mail.


This is the funniest thing I've read today. Oh, how I wish you had pictures. Not of 20 dubies (that's what I call 'em), mind you, but of your face when they started flinging and swinging right up in your grill.


And I heard a rumor yesterday...I need to do some investigating, 'cause it might not be true, but it had to do with The Goonies and a sequel. Somebody done stole our idea. Say it ain't so!

sassy stephanie

Man, I am headed to NOLA in about an hour. Funeral though, no willie watching for me, this time.

It always amazes me that the finest, beefiest men always turn out to be gay. My comment "oh what a waste". My friend's comback "believe me, they don't waste it".

Julie H

Well I hope the guys were cute even if they were gay ;o)

Weith Kick

That is so bizarre and funny. I remember going to New Orleans years ago with this girl and we saw a drag show. In NYC I once saw a one woman show similar to what you describe. I'll never forget the title: "Bitch, Dyke, Fag-Hag, Whore," performed by Penny Arcade.

Just Lisa

Love this story! This is a play I could get in to!


Wow. I can't believe people are still talking about that production two years later. You seem to have enjoyed yourself, which is the most thing important thing. Too bad you didn't stick around after the play to find out that, in fact, not all of the boys were gay.

I know. I directed that play.

Come back to the Marigny. We're still doing plays there. And whether or not they're art, they're sure a lot of fun.

Trooper Thorn

I thought I recognized you from somewhere! Nah, just kidding, the stage lights are so bright you couldn't recognize anyone.

I tell you it was tough being the only straight guy in the cast. Did you see the Will and Grace where Matt Damon tried to join the gay choir to go on a trip to Europe. It was like that, only colder.

Thanks for your comments about Favre's 'Stay Home' pay. I'll let you know what my agent can arrange. He's still celebrating sending Manny to LA.

Mama Dawg

Mom 2 5-Thanks. I'll e-mail or call.

mammadawg-Cool!!!Another mammma dawg!!! I'll have to come by and check out your site. The willies were so funny...all shapes and sizes.

Lula-happy to make you laugh. Goonies and a sequel...who can we sue for stealing our idea...that's ours, I tell you, ours!!!

Sassy-Sorry about the funeral...esp since there will be no intentional willie swinging. I love that comeback!

Mom Taxi-they were cute.

Weith-I hadn't heard about that show. What a kick.

Lisa-You would have loved it!

Bigezbear-I commented on your site. Thanks for stopping by. If I'm in the Marigny again, I'll stop by!

Trooper-Silly man. I didn't see that W & G episode...I'm trying to catch up on all the seasons I missed. Glad to see part 5 up!


Get ready for a lot of interesting visitors from the Google bus.


ROFL Sounds like a fun show! I would have been shocked but totally enjoyed it. hehe


That's too much penis for one story. I object.

Mama Dawg

Dan-Yeah, I thought of that!

Rhea-after the initial shock, it was a good show.

BHJ-Wow! A comment from the Master of the Bloggie Universe. So glad you dropped by.BTW...there's no such thing as too much penis!


I almost forgot about our special GNO. "Girls Night Out" in NOLA is always fun when I'm with you. I was sharing your blog with J, he said, " I don't need to know anymore details. As long as you and Mama Dawg have fun, that's all I need to hear." On that note, can you get away for Aug 26-28th? I'm invited to the Harry Mohney's museum Grand Opening in LAS VEGAS, BABY. The first museum of it's kind. Touches on the sexual revolution, Erotic toys from around the world. A non- traditional wedding chapel. We would have a blast. LOL, R

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