Vietnam, Footloose and the Duggars, Oh My!

Can I get any more random? (channeling my inner Chandler)

I was listening to NPR this morning (shut up) and they had this report on how Vietnam is trying to pass a law that bans dancing in karaoke bars.

Now that Zac Efron has dropped out of the remake of Footloose, I really think they need to set the remake in a Vietnamese karaoke bar with this guy as the new Ren.

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I had a dream last night about the Duggars.

Yeah and it was weird.

I mean even weirder than, well, you know...the Duggars.

For some reason, I was out there visiting them. Except they were like in Montana or something. And they had this HUGE log cabin with a wraparound porch.

And they looked nothing like what they look like per the pics on the 'net.

The dad was half bald. You know, bald in the front with lots of hair in the back. And he was wearing those square thick-lensed yellow tinted glasses from like the 70's. Oh, and he also had a 70's porn 'stache.

The mom had that shoulder length hair with bangs and it was kind of poufy. And she looked nothing like the real Duggar baby machine mom. She also looked like a fish. You know, a fish mouth? Kinda like this, except, you know, female.

Anywho, they had this huge living room where some of the little kids came out to play with toys. They were kind of normal, except for the fact that the mom kept sitting really, really close to me. Like practically in my lap. And she kept staring at my mouth.

Oddly enough, in my dream, it didn't make me uncomfortable. It was like it was normal or something.

The dad came in after a while and sat on an ottoman and drank a Miller Lite out of a can and kept staring at me while rubbing his porn 'stache.

Then, one of the little girls came up and sat on my lap and turned to me and said "my name is Katie" except she said it in a slightly British accent and it sounded like "Kay Tee" like Jane Banks in "Mary Poppins" when she says Katie Nana.

And she only had one arm.

And the tee shirt she was wearing didn't have a sleeve for the missing arm. It was like a specially made shirt for one armed kids.

And she was blond. Like peroxide blond. And she was dirty. And looked nothing like the other kids or the parents.

Then I woke up.

---------------

The other day I was getting gas at the gas station and I had a totally surreal moment.

A guy in a sports car and a mechanics jumper was at the pump on the other side of me. He was already out of his car but hadn't put the pump in his tank yet.

I got out of my car, undid the gas cap, put in my card and got out the pump. All of a sudden, it was like we were mirror images of each other.

We both put in the pump at the same time, we both stopped the gas at the same time, we both pulled out the pump at the same time, we both put the pump in the machine at the same time, we both hit the no receipt button at the same time, we both got in our car at the same time, we both shut our doors at the same time, we both pulled away from the pump at the same time.

Then we went in different directions.

It was kind of cool.

---------------

I've loved The Offspring since I was in high school.

While I was listening to the Kidd Kraddick show the other morning, they were on the show and sang one of their new songs. It's called "Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?" and it made me cry. Right there in my car. Because they explained what the song was about before they played it.

---------------

It's spring down here in my tiny burg and you know what that means.

It's almost turtle saving time again.

For those of you that have been around with me for at least a year, you know that I have this insane urge to rescue turtles that are in the road.

Thanks to me, personally, 6 turtles were spared being smeared all across the road last year.

And I got nary a word of thanks from those fuckers.

---------------

1 month, 2 weeks and 1 day til Disney World.

Later,

Mama Dawg

A Romantic At Heart...

...is not how anyone, including myself, would describe me.

I've always kind of known that about myself. I was about 90% sure that I didn't have a traditional romantic bone in my body anymore but I recently became convinced that I'm 100% sure.

And it was all because of this book:

Yeah, a retold story of Alice In Wonderland. A Young Adult novel is what convinced me.

I had seen signs of it for years and years.

There was about 3 or 4 years during my teen years that I was OBSESSED with romantic novels. You know, the ones with the smutty covers of bodice ripped women with their heads thrown back to where their long flowing un-naturally colored hair was literally dripping down their backs while some Fabio looking hunk in tight britches and no shirt looked like he was going to absolutely devour our "heroine".

Yeah, those.

I eventually got sick of those and settled into a routine of crime thrillers and mysteries. This lasted for about 10 years or so. This was during my 20's.

I was pregnant with LOML when I started hearing about the phenomenon that was the Harry Potter books.

But, being an adult and all, I didn't think they'd capture my interest and I didn't bother to read one.

My aunt and her step daughter were really into the books and even got my grandmother hooked.

When I was grossly pregnant and up visiting my grandmother one holiday, I ran out of books to read and saw the first Harry Potter book sitting on the piano. For lack of anything else to read, I picked it up and started the book.

I literally did not put it down until I finished the last page. I had not read a book like that in years. I was fascinated by this imaginary world and the cast of characters drew me in like no other.

I became an instant fan. So much so, that when I got back home to New Orleans, I immediately went out and bought all the books that they had out at the time. And at that time, it was only the first three.

I was desperate to read the fourth, but, like everyone else, had to wait...and wait...and wait.

Needless to say, I became a HUGE fan of the not only the books but the movies as well. I waited up til midnight to get the books at the local bookstores. We have a tradition of always going to see the movies on opening night at the Prytania Theatre in New Orleans. We always sit on the balcony on the front row. It's grown from my aunt and I to include LOML, Vicki and others.

In the past couple of years, I've gotten hooked to the young adult novels that came about after the Harry Potter books proved to be so successful. I read Artemis Fowl, A Series of Unfortunate Events (most of them, haven't finished it yet), Eragon and Eldest (haven't read Brisingr yet) and Inkheart (need to get the rest of this trilogy).

I'm almost done with the book pictured above and am absolutely ADORING it and can't wait for them to turn it into a movie. I also need to get the second book in the series and am on pins and needles for the third book that will be released later this year.

While reading this book, I realized what it was that made me like these books so much more than the Twilight Series.

There's no romance.

They're not primarily a romance novel. They are not intended to tell a story about everlasting love. They're not about two people and their "journey" together.

They're about action and magic and a HUGE cast of characters. Some of the book have romantic issues in them. Harry and Cho (and Jenny), Meggie's parents (and Dustfinger) in Inkheart, Eregon and Arya in Eragon, etc....but the story in and of itself is not a romantic tale.

And when I started thinking back on the books I was reading AFTER I got disgusted with romantic novels, I realized that for the most part, they, too were like that.

In fact, when I started thinking it over, I realized that I tended to skip over the romantic parts of the books. If two characters started making out and it was leading to sex or some sort of romantic interlude, I'd just skim over that part and get to the next chapter.

After so many years of reading romance novels, it all started to sound the same.

You know, the "their eyes met across the room and with just a tilt of his head towards the bedroom door, she made her way across the room. When she entered the doorway behind him, he shut the door, threw her down on the bed and ravished her body" type of crap.

I mean, how many different ways can you say that they had hot animal sex or made sweet romantic love before it gets redundant?

This also led me to start thinking about other ways in my life in which I am not a romantic.

Songs? Yeah, for the most part, slow romantic songs are always bumped in favor of something with some bass or some twang. I'm not totally cold hearted. There are a few romantic songs out there that I like.

Like, um....well, uh...

Hell, I know there's a couple, but for the life of me, I can't think of one right now.

Movies? For the most part, I prefer action, mysteries or most importantly, comedies. I like a few romantic movies.I love Pretty Woman. And.........well, I'm sure there's a couple of other ones.

Shit, I'm really NOT a romantic.

I also realized that I'm incredibly uncomfortable with romantic gestures.

The thought of a candlelit dinner in a posh restaurant with a man I love is horrifying to me.

The thought of a man buying me some sexy lingerie or flowers or jewelry absolutely has me squirming even worse than when I see a roach run across the floor.

If and I mean IF, I were to ever get married again, a traditional wedding would send me screaming and running into the next state. A white dress, a tux, flowers and a church are scarier to me than Freddy Krueger and his buddies.

I didn't even like having witnesses at my courthouse wedding. And that was my mom and his best friend!

I read on blogs about other people's weddings and the romantic things their hubbies did for Valentine's day and I can "see" the excitement in their words and I think it's wonderful and sweet and delicious.

But......it's just not my cup of tea.

I've tried to analyze where this all stems from and there are a few signs in my past that might have led to this, but overall, I think it's just the way I am.

And I'm fine with that.

Later,

Mama Dawg

Our Easter

Yeah, I don't have a wittier title. Sorry.

We had a nice Easter. On Saturday, LOML went to my aunt's church. They were having an Easter Egg hunt for kids in the neighboring area.

Funny story.....the preacher there (who's new) knew my aunt C back in school. Per her, he was her first kiss.

LOML knows this story and when we were over at my grandmother's house the next day telling my aunt M all about the egg hunt, I mentioned that my aunt C had said that she knew him back in school and LOML spoke up and said in a "knowing" voice, "Mmmm, hmmmm, yeah, we know how they know each other".

I about died!

(LOML is the one with the black leggings)

(Here she is on the jumpy thing. I hate these things.)

Later that night, we came home and dyed Easter eggs.

(Me thinks perhaps the doggies might be a wee bit interested in what she's doing. Look at that concentration.....on LOML AND the dogs!)

(Here's our set up and the blank canvasses, so to speak.)






(This is my favorite egg color...well, at least one of them!)

(Done!)

Later that night, LOML decided that she needed to leave the Easter Bunny a note advising him (her?) that we now have Max the dog and that he (she?) might want to be careful when hiding the eggs.

(Her haul...behind the candy is an I Spy book, Brain Quest 4th grade, socks, a c.d. make-up, notebooks, a new frisbee.....etc...)

(Here she is finding an egg on my car.)

(Here we are all dressed in our Easter finest. Since losing 25+ lbs and going down two dress sizes, I can finally wear a dress again! Yay me! I fell in love with my dress immediately. I adore LOML's as well.)

After church, we headed over to my grandmother's to show off our dresses and to hide eggs with my aunt C.

(Here's LOML finding some hidden plastic eggs.)

(Found another one!)

(My aunt C was sneaky and hid one behind the window screen.)

(Here's one pooped out pup. He was up all the night before chasing that damn bunny!)

Happy Tuesday!

Later,

Mama Dawg

Who Would You Do?

I'm feelin' ornery this Monday morning, so you get a jacked up "Who Would You Do?" (book by Susan Segrest).

Be honest: you've spent more Saturday nights watching TV than actually getting any action, so it's only natural that you start fantasizing about your small screen best friends. Who would you do: Roseanne Roseannadanna, Opera Man, Church Lady or all of the Coneheads?

As usual:

*Editor's Note---You HAVE to pick one of the choices. Even if you're a guy and the only choices are guys...same for girls...believe me, there are lots where it's only girls to choose from.

How was your weekend? Did you have a good Easter?

Later,

Mama Dawg

Yanni Voices Review

No, this is not a joke.

Captain, shut up. I don't want to hear a word out of you on this.

A while ago, I signed up at the One2One Network and as a result, they sent me the "Yanni Voices" c.d. to review and do a post about.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Yanni? Really? Yanni voices? Isn't he the instrumental guy?

Well, yeah.

But, he's decided for the first time to put voices (with words) to the music he makes.

Now, for those of you that know me, I'm pretty open to any kinds of music.

I never got Yanni. I tried. I sooooo tried.

But, I never got him.

Until this c.d.

Oh, man.

This c.d.

Call me a dork, call me weird, call me uncool, but this c.d. is simply stunning.

Stunning, I tell ya.

One of the voices that stands out to me is Leslie Mills.

Her voice is so rich and so smooth, I swear it's made of the finest chocolate imaginable.

"The Keeper" is one of my favorites by her.

My favorite song on the whole album by far is "Our Days". It has such an exotic appeal to is. I love anything that's different and for me, this song defines different. And in such a good way.

If you get a chance, you really should go check out this c.d.

It will be worth your time AND your money.

Promise.

Later,

Mama Dawg

Reasons Why I'm A Good Mother

Per my daughter:

1. I play football with her when I get home from work.

2. I do cheers with her in the kitchen.

3. I let her make cookies with me.

4. I let her sleep over at her friends house on school nights every once in a while.

5. I take her fishing.



Per me:

1. I taught her how to play pool at age 7.

2. I taught her how to play 21. Texas Hold 'Em is what we're working on now.

3. I taught her how to properly throw back a shot (of juice for her y'all).

4. I inadvertently make pornographic pastries for parties:

(cupcake from her Alice in Wonderland themed party)

(Easter Bunny cookies with their "O" faces)

5. I not only let her do stuff like this:

I encourage it.

Later,

Mama Dawg

N'awlin's, Baby, N'awlin's.

It started with food.

It ended with food.

We went down to New Orleans this past weekend. We were LONG overdue for a visit with friends.

We left late Thursday afternoon and got in late Thursday night.

On Friday, we mostly shopped and then went to visit our friend, R, who used to be our old next door neighbor. They've known LOML since she was born and we're practically family. We all liked each other so much, we let them buy our house when we moved! LOL!

Anyway, mom and LOML left me at R's house for us to have a girls night out.

I got home after 3:30 a.m.

Let's just say it's been a while since I've been up AND out that late.

I had so much fun.

We decided to eat Thai food to start off the evening. Below is a pic of what was left on my plate as well as the pot that held our coconut soup. Yummmmmmmm.......




We decided at that time to head downtown for a couple of drinks. Here's a shot of Bourbon St. What's really funny is that club you see in the background?

Yeah, that's where I met my ex-husband. And it's where I met the male stripper. And it's where I danced on stage. I have many a memory of that club.




We decided to skip Bourbon and went down to Frenchman's St instead. We knew of a little bar there that we had been to a couple of years earlier and wanted to go back. After we parked the car on the street about 2 blocks from the bar (y'all, this is an impossible task.....but somehow, R has the BEST luck getting parking spots), we started walking to the bar and stopped to listen to a brass band just playing on the sidewalk.

Here's a short vid of them playing. Plus a random drunk guy. This is why I heart New Orleans. Where else can you go that has a brass band playing in random spots throughout the city?

Once we got to the bar, I decided to do a shot AND a shout out to my girl Jess who guest posted for me on Friday.

Here's to you, Jess.

The bartender was so intrigued with our notes and picture taking, she decided to get in on the action and volunteered to take a pic of R and I at the bar. I love the mural behind us. Turns out it was Reggae night and they had a live band that was FANTASTIC!

Oh, Jess. You knew I couldn't leave it alone. And just to add to the fun, some bitch outside the potty decided to start banging on the door while I was peeing. Granted, I HAD been in there a long time writing on the wall and taking pics. But still, c'mon. Give a girl time to send a public message to her girl in Savannah.

I walked out of the bathroom and got right up in her face and said, "You're welcome bitch for me cleaning the toilet after someone pissed all over it" and walked away.

I figured that was a better story than telling them that I was in there for so long writing on walls and taking pics.

And yeah, I called her a bitch. But she started it. I swear.

Next stop.....Harrah's.

Don't ask. I won't tell. Let's just put it this way, I got my drunk on and there was money involved but how much, I won't say.

I will say this, though. I am a bad luck charm in casino's. Just ask my mom, Barbara and R. They can all attest that while I'm hanging out with them when they're gambling, they lose. As soon as I walk away, they start winning.

It's a gift, I tell you. A gift.

We ended the night at my favorite place in the whole world. Cafe du Monde

In your face, Jess!

Love ya!

A good night was had by all.

R, I'll be back in May. Save some room for beignets.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful but fun.

I sure was glad to be home though. As much as I love New Orleans, I'm still glad we moved. Too much city was starting to grate on my nerves.

How was your weekend?

Later,

Mama Dawg

Who...Whooooo...Whoooooo Da Heck Is THIS?

SURPRISE! It’s ME!

Aw, don’t looks so disappointed. OK, wait right there...

SURPRISE IT’S ME! AND I’M NAKED!!!

Just kidding! About the naked part. It really is me. Oh, wait, who is me you say? Me is Jess over at This Life is Mine. Momma Dawg told me she would kick me in the throat asked very nicely if I would write a lil sumpin sumpin while she was off gallivanting in New Orleans.

Riddle me this…if you tell someone you are going to be out of town, then you GIVE them the keys to your residence… and that someone to whom you gave the key is someone whom you KNOW is going to be throwing a kegger, which of course then includes keg stands, why on earth would you leave your Waterford crystal out where someone could/maybe/kinda sorta/quite possibly break said valuable?

Ignorance says I.

Speaking of being put in charge…I have been asked, by various people from my graduating class, to get together our 10 year high school reunion. I was not the president of our class, I was voted most comical, so I hope they knew what they were doing when they asked me.

It may sound strange, (HA!) but I was not one to follow rules. Rules are for fools! I graduated from a very strict, very Southern Baptist Christian school. I was NOT the ideal Southern Baptist Christian school graduate. Therefore, at our reunion, there will be smoking, drinking, cursing and absolutely NO 15 minute prayers before we eat. I am just rebellious like that.

I wanted to bring some of my favorite strippers, sing karaoke and have a wet t-shirt contest, but have been advised against it. I guess I should just be happy that there will be a bar.

And now my mind is wondering…I think it might have been the mention of karaoke. Or strippers.

I have two more topics to cover here in this rambling post:

1. Savannah, Georgia and its ridiculous thieves.

2. Made up blog awards

First of all, Savannah. In the past year my Jeep has been broken into at least three times. Two of those times they unzipped the windows like a normal thief, the last time, they decided to cut a hole in the window. Each time, nothing was taken except change from the change holder and everything was strewn about.

When we left to go on vacation last month we received a call from our upstairs neighbors that some dude was trying to steal our motorcycles. This is retarded for many reasons. First of all the forks are locked on the motorcycle. Secondly, my motorcycle alone weighs close to 500lbs. You can’t exactly pick it up and walk away. Lastly, if you can afford to get a truck and a trailer to drag it onto the trailer then you have no need to steal a motorcycle.

SO, last night, Larkin was at my house for about 2 hours helping me with my 30 pack of Keystone. We all walk outside and discover that someone, while we were only 30 feet away, with the windows open, stole her spare tire from the back of her Honda CRV. They were kind enough to leave the lug nuts and the tire cover. Who the hiz-ell steals A TIRE. Really? Just ONE tire. Is the need for a 16 inch tire that great? Who does that?!

So a lovely police lady came to write the report and told us that there was also another tire stealing just a few blocks away. I thought, “Hey! This should be an easy one to catch! Just look for the guy carrying two tires and a tire wrench thingy!” However, it appears that police work is not that simple.

Now on to made up blog awards.

I have four to share with you. Peep ‘em and steal ‘em if you like.

Thanks for reading and much love to you all!

This Is What Makes My Heart Sing

Please excuse the bad quality. I was taping this while standing behind a door and peeking out. And my camera is not THAT good at taping video from a distance.

What makes yours sing?

Later,

Mama Dawg

P.S. CONTEST ends tomorrow!

P.S. part deux........There will be a surprise for you guys tomorrow. And please, someone make sure the Waterford isn't cracked or broken. I'm counting on each and every one of you to be my eyes and ears. Thanks.

Awards and Whatnot

OK, so in the past few months, I've gotten several awards and have neglected to pretty them up and show them off.

Jess gave me one yesterday and that prompted me into today's post. With the exception of 2 awards, I know where they all came from.

Whoever gave me the other two, if you leave me a comment, I'll edit and add linky love. Pinky swear!

The first one and I do have to say it's my favorite because it comes from one of my most favoritest peeps on this whole Earth, is from Jess over at This Life is Mine.

She created this award so it's in its first sweep across bloggy land.

And what I like even more? No rules and no game to play. That's why Jess is da' gutterslut BOMB!.

I will say that if you want to grab this one and pass it along, by all means, do so. Make someone's day with this one. Everyone needs a laugh every now and then!







Yeah, this is one that I don't know who gave it to me. Teri, maybe? Not sure. If you gave this one to me, let me know so I can link up to you. Thanks for the award, whoever you are!

The most awesome of Kats over at 3 Bedroom Bungalow gave me this award. I heart Kat. Like Jess mentioned on her blog, when Kat comes over for a visit from across the pond, Jess, Kat and I are going to do some wild and crazy shit together. And also as Jess mentioned, there will be tons and tons and tons of pics, however, I have a feeling that only a few will be posted due to the R or X rated content of the others. Yeah, that's how we roll.

Pseudo over at Pseudonymous High School Teacher presented me with this lovely award. I love this lady. For many and various reasons.

First of all, she lives in HAWAII people. That was what drew me in. That and the pics she posts about Hawaii.

Then, I discovered that she feeds homeless cats. For real. That made me fall in love with her just a bit more.

To finally cement her in my heart forever, she sent LOML a birthday present.

Correction...she sent her PRESENTS. Now, I'm not all materialistic. Please don't think that. What made this so awesome is that she sent her stuff from Hawaii! Special leis, a shell ring, a travel game, some liquid bath soaps in tropical shapes (including a hula girl) and a picture frame in tropical colors shaped as sunglasses. LOML loved all of the gifts but she was more touched by the fact that this "stranger who reads her mom's blog" that lives in Hawaii thought of her and sent her something.

Yeah, the way to my heart is through my kid. Pseudo, you're there forever now.

This is another one that I received and I'm not sure who it came from. If you gave it to me, holler at me in the comments. I'll hook you up with some linky love. Thanks!

The Snooty Primadonna gave me this lovely gem of an award. If you haven't checked her out, please do. She's quite the funny lady.

I love spring. These are some little wildflowery weedy things that grow in the yard. I put them in this teeny tiny bottle and put them in my kitchen window. I love putting a small bouquet (or even just one flower) in this bottle and letting the sun filter through the purple glass. Warms my heart.

Tabbouleh.........tasty. This is my lunch today. And tomorrow and probably Friday as well....wait, I'm in New Orleans on Friday. Never mind. I'll be eating something MUCH tastier on Friday...and Saturday...and, well, Sunday.

We haven't been back to N'awlins since New Years. We're so overdue for a visit.

I even have tentative plans to meet up with Kelly from Carty Party of Three. We're still working out the kinks.

What are your weekend plans?

Later,

Mama Dawg

P.S. The CONTEST ends on Friday. Get your entries in for a gift card from Wal-Mart, Target or Barnes and Noble!